My “Traditional vs Single” Parenting Truths

I’ve wanted to write this post since I started, but I never did for two reasons:

1) I didn’t want to offend anyone

2) It’s hard to put it into words

So considering that it’s impossible to never offend anyone (I promise I will try to do my best), and mentally I haven’t made any progress on how I should write this, I figured I would just sit down and crank this mamma-jamma out. Pretty much Seth is going to take the classic Calvin and Hobbes approach to life with this post.

First off, let’s just clear up a few things. One, I’m not the best parent. I think I try, but I know people that can parent circles around me. Take for instance the following example: Last night for dinner, I put my kids in bathing suits brought my kids out on the trampoline and gave them a “kids choice” dinner. This consisted of a cold hot dog and a miniature cupcake. Following dinner, I hooked up the sprinkler under the trampoline (with no safety net) and let them fight with pool noodles while bouncing. All this was happening while I was bleaching and scrubbing our family tent that a stray male cat apparently used is its personal urinal for the past few weeks due to my forgetting to close the outside storage closet properly. After cleaning the tent, I unhooked the sprinkler and gave everyone a backyard hose bath before sending them inside. :D #realife Soap Box Alert: Let kids are freaking kids. Growing up, our generation just played outside, did crazy stuff, and had fun. Parents weren’t insanely overprotective. They just told us how to be safe and gave us rules, and then sent us out to create fun. Hand making rope-swings from trees or just going off in the woods (filled with snakes, wasps, bobcats, etc.) was just part of being a kid. While I’m a big believer in overall safety and parental responsibility, it feels our society has made this giant push for “free range” animals, while simultaneously caging up our kids with a billion overprotective rules and unnecessary devices that tie down and limit their imagination, creativity, and need for exploring. Told you I was gonna Calvin and Hobbes this thang. Whatever comes out I’m just going to freaking type.  End of soapbox.

Ok, now that I have established my “non-pro parent status”, hopefully everyone can just take this for what it is, my own experience on both traditional and single parenting; nothing more or less. I understand there are probably 12,342,864,342 possible scenarios of co-parenting and single parenting. (Married/Un-married, full/partial custody, healthy relationship with other parent/unhealthy relationship, single and active co-parenting/Disney world dad and Mall shopping moms). Again this is my opinions as it pertains to me. 

For this post, I think I’m just going to stick with the idea of two people together as a couple/parent team vs doing a majority of the parenting alone. Whew!! I finally feel I can get started ;)

To be honest I feel like single parenting is one of those things that people can’t grasp until have experienced it yourself (like the loss of a loved one, divorce, being homeless, etc.). I used to have so much pity for my single parent friends. In my head, I constantly just felt sorry for them. Little did I know, my knowledge of their struggles were extremely out of touch. It was just drawn on snippets of stories they told, what I saw on tv, and my overall guess of what it must be like. Based on my experience as being a partner in a wonderful co-parenting team and my experience as a sole responsibility single parent, I can somewhat related to both groups. I have noticed that people that always belonged in one category sometimes have misconceptions of the other. Again, this is in no way a judgmental or “I know it all” stance, it’s just kind of how I feel about the subject based on the criteria I listed earlier.

Here are my two honest truths about Traditional vs Single Parenting:

1) The biggest and most draining element of Single Parenting is Loneliness/Isolation.

 I always thought the hardest part of single parenting would be finances, not getting “me” time, being overwhelmed, etc. I was wrong. In my opinion, it’s the isolation that’s the worst. Granted I work with amazing people and have amazing family and friends. Mostly though, I was gifted with the most amazing kids ever placed on this earth. Seriously, my kids literally shock me with how loving, creative, self-sacrificing, and hilarious they are. However, all of that that doesn’t fix on that loneliness issue. Granted, the biggest void in our lives can only be filled by God. That hole is filled in my heart, thank you Jesus! But I truly believed humans are wired to parent as a team; however, the roles and duties might differ as each partner from couple to couple. Not having that solid team mate can be soul crushing. As any parent can tell you, the responsibility of raising children can be mind boggling heavy at times. Doing it alone creates this unexplainable feeling of isolation. That feeling always hits me the worst at night, when all the kids are tucked in and asleep.  I feel like I’m a pilot flying a plane solo at night. There are no co-captains, no flight attendant, no air marshals, or crew… it’s just you. I think that’s my point, before I became one, I viewed the main struggle with single parenting as all of the turbulence that the plane is going through, but in reality, I feel the hardest part is being in that dark, tiny cockpit all alone. I can get through the storm, but not having co-pilot to help navigate, talk to, or simply scratch an itch on my back while my hands are tied to the controls makes life extremely bleak at times.

2) Traditional Parenting isn’t necessarily any less stressful –

Some people might not agree with this one, but I honestly (at select times) feel less stress now as a single parent than I did with my previous marriage was rock solid and the partnership was amazing. Here’s why I think that… A true partnership goes all in. They help, build up, support, encourage, and trust each other completely. So yes, when I was married I didn’t have to do crazy things like bringing a giant quilt into Toy-R-us while Christmas shopping to cover the cart and ensure that presents stay a surprise since the kids are with me all of the time. It’s great having a helpmate! Having someone be able to clean or read with the children while I cook dinner is an amazing feeling! My argument on this issue is that while having another parent brings so much support to the table, they also bring their own issues, problems, responsibilities, etc. But these issues are also yours. Remember, we were one. That means good and bad. So not only are you managing children, but trying maintaining a healthy marriage. There is a profound amount investment of time and energy that has to be poured into it. Sometimes with kids, that investment gets overlooked and becomes a challenge. Even the best marriages take constant upkeep, nourishment, time, and sacrifice. So juggling the responsibilities of being a spouse vs parent can be freaking tough.

Also, I feel that we are wired to have stress in our lives. One, it’s impossible to escape it. Two, healthy levels of stress keep our minds critically thinking, our bodies physically working, and also teaches us how to express feelings and emotions in a positive manner. Basically, I think we are wired to take on as much stress as we can handle. This is similar to the idea “The more money you have, the more you spend and the less money you have, the less you spend”. When I was married, we had more resources (finances, free time, and a larger support network).  So naturally as I think we did what we are wired to do. We maximized our resources doing various things, bought unneeded items, took on extra responsibilities, volunteering, etc. I believe I also had different standards on the importance of certain things in my life. So I was running about an 80% stress level based on what I could handle.  Once I got divorced and became a single parent, I lost a lot of those resources. So naturally I made adjustments.  I began to limit and remove unnecessary stressors. I also re-evaluated my standards. By accepting realistic expectations for myself and cutting out extra responsibilities I did not have the time/mental capacity to handle, life began to balance out again. Even though I have more on my plate as an individual, I can still operate on an 80% stress level due to being freed up in other areas.

So in conclusion, by far, I preferred parenting with a partner. If all of the kids are screaming in the van, instead of being solo and getting frustrated, I could look over and see some equally wide eyed  and about to crack. Those always made me laugh and lightened my mood. But in reality, God is good. There are things I have been able to experience and bonds with my children I could have never established in a two parent situation. So be encouraged. Don’t always assume that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Sometimes the poop left behind by the other animal fertilizes the ground, which can grow some greener, better quality grass than before. Although… just remember that at first you’ll still have to deal with the smell of that crap they've left behind until it’s decayed. 

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Seth

"Tricker Buddies" The Megow Art of Pranking

In our house, being a part of the “Tricker Buddies” is a big deal. It’s the most prestigious organization to be a part of in our house. There are a few others, but this one is the one everyone strives to be a member of. Stevie sort of runs the club and is in charge of admitting new members. Currently, it’s just her, me and Titus. Neela still has “pledge” status. Gaining membership to the Buddies is similar to the “Finer Things Club”. If you don’t know this reference, you are missing out on my favorite shows of all time.

Neela's Animal Rescue Club is my safety.

Speaking of the “The Office”, let’s get down to what the Tricker Buddies is all about… PRANKS! Ever since I was little, I loved playing pranks on people. One of my earliest memories of pranking is that I remember that right before we left lunch in school (probably 1st grade); I shoved all of the rest of the food (sandwich, chips, and fruit snacks) and chocolate milk in my mouth. Right after lunch, we all went to the bathroom and then out to recess. So I spend about 15 minutes swishing all of that food and milk in my mouth. When we got out to recess, I remember sitting by the swings and continuing to churn this food in my mouth until I got a nice chunky texture. Then I ran in front of my teacher and pretended to puke up all of that stuff right in front of her. Hahaha. I remember just laughing and running away. She just stared at me and didn’t ever say a word. Secretly, I think she thought it was hilarious and was trying not to laugh.

So naturally, it got kind of passed down to my kids. Stevie is normally so sweet and serene; however, I can pretty much guarantee, that if you give each of my kids a dollar and let them pick out a cheap little toy, she will be the one that picks out a squirting flower or whoopee cushion. She’s always up for a prank.

The classic “snake in the cinnamon rolls” for our guests :D

Her favorite and most classic pranks is probably setting out fake cockroaches. Stevie loves setting them out on the counter, putting them on people’s food, or placing them on sleeping people. We always kind of encouraged her little harmless pranks. I mean, I teach her when to let off or who is “cool” with pranks. Some people just don’t like it. But she ALWAYS loves it.

The fake roaches she likes to use

One of Stevie's other favorite pranks is borrow someone's phone, to take a screenshot of the home-screen, put that picture up to view, and hand the phone back to them. She thinks it's hilarious to watch them click the picture of the home-screen waiting for apps to open up. She actually thought of that one herself. ;) Proud dad moment. 

Titus would legit spend every penny he owns on prank/magic toys. Anything from a piece of shocking chewing gum to whoopie cushions, that kids freaking loves to get people. I have to say that I've been pretty impressed by the amount of work, he will put into pulling a prank. Two years ago in school I had a parent teacher conference with his teacher. He was just learning to write. She was and is amazing; Titus and I both adored her. Anyways during the conference, the teacher showed me an assignment Titus had submitted. The project was for them to write what they did over spring break. This was what Titus turned in...

"I went on the potty. I poop."

As she slid it across the table, I of course had to fight back the urge to guffaw. I look over at him and he's has his head down on the table dying laughing. So biting my lips trying to be super serious, look at him and tell him that this isn't an appropriate thing to submit at school. So after wrapping up the meeting and walking to car, I look at him and ask why he turned that it. He looks at me confused and said, "Uhhhh... because it was hilarious. I totally got my teacher." That's one thing about growing up with a single dad. Poop jokes are always hilarious and a part of life. 

On April Fool's Day 2018, this was Titus's prank. I thought it was ingeniously frustrating. hahaha 

Or this one he pulled last Christmas season...

Speaking of Christmas, something about the holidays really brings out the pranksters in the Megows. I used to love to prank my Mimi’s Christmas party. I haven’t done it lately because most of my family moved away, and also I don’t really have a current adult partner in crime. But back to Mimi’s Christmas, I think we pranked her Christmas three years in a row. One year, I switched out her popular banana pudding for an identical one I made the night before but substituted salt for sugar. I remember sneaking into her house so I could match the container and topping perfectly. Holy crap, it was disgusting and hilarious. The year after that I remember that during the middle of opening presents, I sneakily turned off all the lights to make it pitch black dark, blasted Carol of the bells by the Trans-Siberian string orchestra, flipped on a big black light, and took of my shirt to reveal that I drew a giant Christmas tree all over my body. I kind of just danced around the room as a blacklight Christmas tree while my family just sat confused and wondering why I was so weird.

Before the blacklight kicked in...

And after :D hahaha.

This junk was so funny to me

But my favorite prank that got pulled at Mimi’s Christmas was when we switched all the gifts. I remember sneaking over in the middle of the night and “borrowing” the same rolls of wrapping paper she used to wrap her gifts and sneaking it back to our room. We stayed up the night before wrapping up random and pretty awkward gifts. Anyways, before the Christmas party started, I hid the real presents for my fake ones. At Mimi’s Christmas, the gift opening is a big deal, so everyone all sits around Mimi and opens the presents she got them. I can’t find the pictures (ughh, they are hilarious), but I remember giving my dad a purse from Mimi, giving my cousins shoulder pad sweaters and canned vegetables, and my favorite my mom opened up some kind of sexy flavored lotion (from her mom). I freaking died. The reason it was really funny is that some years at Christmas she can’t get out shopping and buying the gifts, so she gives her home assistants money and haves them buy the presents. Everyone just kind of believed these were their actual gifts from Mimi and so did she. HAHAHAHA. When my dad opened that purse, I think that’s the hardest I have ever seen him laugh in my life. When everyone figured out it was just a joke, I just blamed my sister. Of course, everyone knew it was me, but I enjoyed poking fun at Claren (my sister) being the mastermind behind it. Love you Claren :D (Side note, my sister is getting married!! So a big congratulations on the soon to be Ben and Claren Stickley)

You can bet your butt that I'm switching out some wedding gifts ;)

Probably one of my favorite pranks is to swipe people’s phones, switch my contact name in their phone, and delete our past text messages. That way you can text them and you can choose who you want to be in their phone. So when you text them, you come up as someone else. I remember doing this one year on Thanksgiving morning to my mom. She had a friend that recently moved to another state so I snuck her phone, changed my contact name to be her friends name, deleted our olds texts, and sneakily placed the phone back. After a few minutes, I sat in the next room over and started having some fun. (Now remember, my mom is pretty much a gourmet chef. She takes her cooking and events VERY seriously. So a small change of plans can kind of derail the event in her mind.) Considering that I just couldn’t resist. Hahaha. It seems I’m apologizing a lot to my female family members. Love you too Mom!!  You’re the best! :D Thanks for putting up with my dumb crap all these years. Anyways, here’s kind of how the text conversation went:

Remember I was pretending to be her friend from out of town and this was about 11am before a 2pm Thanksgiving lunch. If you have ever met my mom, you will really be able to find the humor in this ;)

Me: Hey Denise

Mom: Hey

Me: What are you doing?

Mom: Just cooking thanksgiving lunch for about 14 people. Pretty busy.

Me: Oh really. Ok I will let you go.

About 15 minutes later

Me: Hey Denise, would it possible if I came to your Thanksgiving lunch? I don’t have anywhere to go.

Mom: Ummm… I guess so. I think I will have enough food for one more person.

Me: Great! However, my car is broken. Can Tom (my dad) come and pick me up? (She lived about 3 hours away)

Awkward pause in texting. My mom is yelling to my dad “You’ll never believe what _____ is texting me right now!” and I’m just dying laughing in the next room over.

Mom: I don’t think that’s an option. We just don’t have the time to drive that far. Feel free to come next year though. Ok. Really busy cooking. Got to go.

Me: Ok. I understand. Talk to you later. Hope you guys have a great thanksgiving.

I wait another 15 minutes until things really start to get busy in the kitchen

Me: Hey Denise

My mom loses it

Mom: Yes?

Me: Good news. I found a ride. Could you feed more than just me if someone brings me?

Mom: I suppose… I’m really busy cooking.

Me: Great. I called the women’s group from my church and they all agreed it would be fun to take a trip up in the church van and eat with your family.

Mom: What? How many people?!!

Me: I think there are 10 of us.

Mom: Ok. This isn’t going to work! I don’t have enough food for that many people NOR places for them to sit!

Me: Ok.

Waits another 10 minutes

Me: Hey Denise

Mom: No Response

Me: We decided that we will still just make the trip up and just share one big plate and just eat it in the van parked in your yard.

Now, my favorite part of this prank is normally people get so frustrated they usually just end up calling this person who keeps texting them this crazy stuff. The sweet thing about smart phones is that they can do that straight from the text messages screen. So they just click “call” and it dials your number! :D hahaha.

So I hear my dad coming in trying to calm her down, and he suggests she just call her and call the whole thing off. She when I hear this, I walk into the kitchen and when she calls my phone rings and I answer it by saying “This is ______” in front of her. HAHAHA. She didn’t immediately find the humor in this prank. But I’m pretty sure, she thinks it’s a classic thanksgiving memory ;)


Be Blessed and Be a Blessing
Seth

Top 10 List - Last Week of School Parent Activities

10) Make sure the snooze button works on your morning alarm because you’ve saved up enough extra tardy chances for your kids to be late every day this week and still avoid the truancy officer call

9) Duct tape the straps on their book bag and cringingly reassure them "you only have to use this for a FEW more days!" 

8) Carelessly watching your kid pack their own snack for school that consists of them digging through the lucky charms box to dig out all of the marshmallows and combining them into a zip-lock bag already filled with pizza flavored goldfish

7) Getting ultra pumped for all of the end of year artwork coming home soon!! (For real, this is seriously like Christmas!!)

6) Trying to rent a movie for Friday night that they haven’t already watched that week in one of their 4 different end of year school parties

5) Digging out a pen in the car from under the driver’s seat while waiting in the school drop-off line to sign all of the end of year activity release forms that you completely forgot about until you see the giant blow-up bounce houses outside of the classrooms

4) Being extra nice to school administrators to make up for all of the school fundraiser papers that mysteriously found themselves at the bottom of the pile of junk mail on the kitchen counter

3) Having to re-download the classroom notification app to your phone because your child deleted it to make storage room to record twelve solid minutes of her sister doing cannonballs in the pool the previous weekend

2) Thinking to yourself that your kids’ outfits look pretty good until you see them walking with all of the other kids, but realize it’s too late to change them and too late in the school year to care.

1) Thank Thank Thank the teachers!!!! Remind them they only have a few more days of enduring things like having to listen to your child’s only knock-knock joke for the 43^rd time.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Seth

*Megow* Kids say the darndest things

The past few days my kids have been cranking out some real zingers in conversation. They made me laugh so hard and so much. Seriously, I freaking love the stuff kids say. I think that's one of the reasons I love kids. They are constantly saying things that make you squint your eyes, cock your head, think "what the heck", and bust out laughing.

Whenever the kids say something that's hilarious and ultra sweet, I try to make a note in my phone or post it to facebook. I have too many for one post but here's my favorites starting from today back to February 2016. I'll start collecting some of the other older ones for a later post.

Enjoy. I laughed at some of these so hard while I was remembering them saying this stuff. :)

______________________________

Me - "Why is the floor sticky?"
Titus - "I accidentally spilt hot dog juice."
Me - "That's disgusting."
Titus - "I don't like the sticky part but I love the smell of hot dog floor." *puts nose on the tile and inhales deeply*


(Loading up into the car after grocery shopping and Olive begins to frantically cry.)
Seth – “Olive, what’s wrong?!?”
Olive – “You didn’t buy me a flower potion!!”
Seth – “Huh?”
Olive *bawling*– “I’m never going to be a flower now!!”
*She continues to sob for about 20 minutes; however, immediately stops when she sees a feral cat running in grass beside our car.*
Olive – “I hate flower potions. I like dat cat now.”

Titus - "My teacher told me Abraham Lincoln was a really good president, but I don't know if he was that good, because his money can't buy nothing."

(Neela and her friend had a slumber party one Saturday night. The following conversation takes place the next day while loading up after church.)
Neela’s Friend - *Hands me a warm egg.”
Seth - *Out of reflex due to the fact that it was warm, I drop it on the ground and it splatters.*
Seth- “Girls!? Where did you find a raw egg at church?”
Neela *Dying laughing* - “It’s not from church. It’s from home!”
Seth *flabbergasted*– “What?! Why did you have an egg in church? And why is it warm?!?”
Neela’s friend – “We took turns hatching it during church.”
Seth – “WHAT?! WHERE?!”
Neela – “On our butts. In our underwear. We were mommy birds today.”
Seth - *silently thanks God for holding that egg together for 90 minutes of 40 pounds of pressure*

Side note: Can you even imagine that call from children’s church?Children’s Pastor – 

“Umm Seth... The visitor you brought has raw egg dripping from the butt of her pants.”HAHAHA


Titus- “I want to be a kid forever. I don’t want to grow up.”
Stevie – “I know. I love being a kid. One day we will be old like dad. Because then you die.”
Seth – “Guys!?! Hahaha. How old do you think I am?!?”
Stevie – 32.”
Seth – “Nope. I’m 31.”
Stevie – “Ok. Well… You are ALMOST old.”
Neela – “Dad, since you are about to die. Can you buy us a dog?”
Titus – “And buy us an Icee today… Just in case.”


(At bedtime)
Olive - "I got Jesus a surprise today."
Seth - "What did you get him baby?"
Olive -"My heart."


Neela - "I see that look in your eye. Don't you say it. Don't say the K word. I know you're about to say it. I hate the K word...Klean.

Seth - "Olive, how do you want your hair this morning?"
Olive - "Elsa. No wait. Wolf!."

Seth - *trying to figure out wolf hair*

Olive - "I changed my mind again."

Seth - "Ok. What do you want now?"

Olive - "Ice Cream Cone Head"


Titus - “Dad, guess where I got this gum I'm chewing.”
Me - “No thanks.”
Titus - “Are you sure you don't want to know?”
Me - “Yes. I'm sure that I do not want to know where you found old gum.”
Titus - “My door! HA! I found it stuck to my bedroom door!”
Olive - “I found a unicorn fart on my door.”

Seth - "Big news guys!"
Neela - "You're finally going on a date?!"
Seth - *laughing* No. Stevie lost a tooth."
Olive - "Yay. I want to meet the tooth fairy. I love her."
Stevie - "I need to write her a note saying I need $5 this time."
Titus - "Me too. I'm still waiting on my tooth fairy money! I need $5 too."
Neela - "Wow! The tooth fairy is rich. Hey dad! Is she married? You should date her."

(While in the car)
Olive - "Daddy I need to poop."
Seth - "Ok. We are about to be at Publix. You can poop there."
Olive - "No. I need to poop at Jumping Jacks."


(While making snowcones at the house)
Seth - "Neela will get out the snow cone syrup please?"
Neela *reaches in the fridge to grab it* - "Dad! It's completely empty!"
Seth - "Titus! I know that was you. Dude, that's like 8000 grams of sugar! You are going to be sick!!"
Titus - "It was worth it."

Neela - "Sometimes when I'm grumpy, I go to sleep to keep from getting in trouble. But I'm normally grumpy at school or doing chores, but I can't go to sleep because I get in trouble for sleeping during that stuff. How am I not supposed to get in trouble at things that make me grumpy if I can't sleep. Life is happy but it's confusing."


Stevie – “Dad I love you, but your breath is hot today. Can you talk at the sky?”

Titus - "Dad?"
Seth - "Yes?"
Titus - "The best thing ever is loving God."
Neela - "...and eating."

Dad - "Do you guys want some new Crocs for the spring?"
Stevie - "Dad... Ew. Crocs? Gross." 

Neela – “You need a haircut.”
Seth – “Why do you say that?”
Neela – “There’s a moth stuck in your hair.”

Stevie: "FAMILY MEETING!"
*I walk in to find all of my children sitting in a circle on the floor*
Neela: "Titus, Tell him..."
Titus: "Stevie, you tell him..."
Stevie: "We have decided that it's time we adopt another kid into our family."
*before I can speak*
Titus: "Don't worry dad! You get to decide if it's a boy or a girl. It's just that, if we 'dadopt' a girl this time, we will have to get a boy next time."
Olive: "I love our new baby."


Olive - “Being four years old makes me so tired. I like three years old better.”
Seth – “Why do you like being three than four?”
Olive – “You ask me too many questions now.”

(Titus walks into my room at about 3am and wakes me up)
Titus: “Daddy, can we bake a cake?”

Neela – “This is the best day!”
Seth – “That’s excellent! So you didn’t have to move your clip in class?”
Neela – “No. I had to move my clip.”
Seth – “Oh. Well, did you make a new friend or something?”
Neela – “No.”
Seth – “Did you really like your lunch?”
Neela – “No it was gross.”
Seth *laughing* - “Why was your day so good then?”
Neela – “School is over.”

Dad - "Olive please drink your water."
Olive - "Dad. This is not water; it's melted ice. I am not drinking this. Disgusting."

Seth - "Neela do you want to play a sport next year?"
Neela - "Yes! Except I only don't want to play the one were you throw the baseball and hit it with the baseball bat. But I can't remember the name of that sport."

(While playing at the park)
Titus - *sucking on a RingPop.*
Seth - "Where did you get that?"
Titus *pops it out of his mouth and smiles* - "You really don't want to know."

Neela - "Daddy?"
Seth - "Yes."
Neela - "When I grow up, I'm moving to Africa."
Seth - "That sounds incredible!"
Neela - "So I won't be able to make it to your funeral."


Stevie – “Hey daddy, whatca doing?”
Seth- “Oh, just writing.”
Stevie – “For work?”
Seth – “Nope. For my website?”
Stevie – “You mean your blog?”
Seth- *smiles and nods*
Stevie – “I love your blog.”
Seth – “Really? Have you ever read any of it?”
Stevie – “No. But I have a lot of people tell me stories you write. It makes people happy. I love when we make people happy.”
Seth – “I love to write about you.”
Stevie – “I love you too. I’m going to lie down on your back while you write.”
Seth – *heart melted*


Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
Seth

Passion vs Purpose

I think a lot of us have heard to “Follow your passion” and “What’s your purpose in life” at some point or another. For a long time, I had those two things personally mixed up. In this post, I wanted to just chat a little about my personal view of my life’s passion/purpose relationship.  

Now, I hope this doesn’t come off like with a “motivational speaker” feel. While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, I don’t think it’s my cup of tea. Mostly, I like to view my blog as just my views and opinions on life. They fit the way I live. I don’t think everything is universal or believe in specific buzzwords or “7 Steps” for improving someone’s quality of life. Each person is on their own individual journey and God wired each of us uniquely. Just because something that works for me might not be the best for you and vice versa. :)

Ok, back to the topic at hand. I personality have a crap ton of passions and am interested in probably far too many things than I have time for. I guess I figured those are all of the little things that made up what the world knows as “Seth”. I would go through various phases of each of these interests. After a few months of pressing into a specific thing, I would see others extremely more gifted and passionate about it, get discouraged, and move onto something else. For so long, I was so desperate to find out that one thing I could do or something I truly enjoyed more so much that would help me discover my purpose. And it never came. One of the reasons, I think it bothered me so much is that I’m a BIG PICTURE kind of person. I felt like I wanted to find that BIG passion about that will spring me into my BIG purpose. I loved being a husband and a dad, entertaining friends, creating things, doing things for other people, playing piano, making people laugh, etc. There were so so so many things I loved doing, but not one specific area pointed me in a direction of my God given purpose or one that that completed captivated my interest. I think it caused me go get a little depressed for a few years.  I was living a fantastic life, I loved Jesus, my family was amazing, but there was just something I knew I was meant to be doing!

Fast forward a few years. Now it’s just me and the kids. I’m doing my single dad thing and still doing all of my hobbies when I had time, but I still felt this tiny little thing inside me (my purpose) that was dying to know. I knew it was more than being a good dad, working hard at my job, being there for friends, etc. I think I drew closer to God a lot over those past few years, but still never really figured it out. However as more and more time went by, finding my purpose just kind of got put on hold. I quit focusing on finding it, so that desire just kind of went into hibernation.

Well, of course God revealed all of this to me in the most unique and simple way. I’ll try to explain it the best I can. Hahahaha. Sometimes I feel like trying to explain what’s going inside my brain is like trying to dump out a can of Alphabet soup and trying to alphabetize each letter in order. :D I know everything I have is right there in front of me, but organizing it all can be tough. 

Anyways, I was just doing my morning routine. I dropped all of my kids off at their schools and was headed to work. Normally, I don’t make stops on the way to work. I prefer to maximize my time at work to get the most done. However, this morning I was in the car just listening to some worship music and driving some backroad route to avoid school buses and get me to work faster. So I was just driving and just kind of hanging out with God, when I noticed this patch of sunflowers. They were all lined up just facing the sun and just soaking up the rays. I actually pulled my car over on the side of the road and got out to look at them because it was just so mesmerizingly beautiful. Suddenly, the subject of my purpose came back up to my brain. I was just standing there on the side of the road talking to God about these little flowers getting life from the sun. I again started to ponder how I could be affect people and fulfill that desire & life that everyone needs that way the sun did for these flowers. I was so tired of being this generic human and Christian. I know he made each of us so unique; I wanted to fulfill His vision for my life.

I just stood there for a few minutes staring off into space. I’m sure people driving were so confused by this guy in a shirt and tie just standing in the ditch on the side of the road. My car was still running and I wasn’t flagging anyone for help, so people probably thought I was just waiting until no traffic was coming so I could take an emergency ditch poop. Hahah!  Come on now, who hasn’t take a ditch poop? ;)

After a few minutes of just standing there and wondering for the 7,435^th time what I was put on this earth to do, like that sun was feeding those flowers, I felt God speak to me The sun shining on these little flowers represented my passions, but nourishing those little flowers was definitely not the sole purpose of the sun. The sun brings light and life on a grand scale; those flowers are just attracted to it because it’s doing what it’s supposed to be doing. For so long, I was trying to find that one thing that would give me my purpose, but I was going about it completely backwards. God told me to quit worrying about focusing on finding those one or two things I was completely passionate about. I was focusing way too narrow. My passions start and flow from my purpose. For so long, I was trying to work up. I realized my purpose is first, that would lead down and overflow into all of the things I was interested in.  It was definitely an eye opening, life changing event (in a ditch, hahahah).  I didn’t get a revelation that morning about what my purpose was, but I felt like I knew how to find it.

So I started to pray and focus on my big picture, instead of individually focusing on all of the little. It was so similar to the last time I was looking for my purpose, except for this time I started to find it. I didn’t hear it immediately or over a couple of days, rather I would just start to encounter people or little situations that I felt drawn to. Sometimes I would find myself telling encouraging or funny stories or doing something small to help someone; however this time around I could feel something  growing in me. For the first time, I felt like I was becoming the real “Seth” that I had been looking for this entire time.  As I started really putting myself out there, I found I was so drawn to two specific things. So I focused on those two things and I felt my life just kind of click. “Encouragement and Helping” That’s my purpose. :) Those two simple concepts are what I was designed to do. It’s so funny to me, how I struggled for years with all of these intricate plans and methods trying to come up with this master plan, and I finally realize it’s all about those two simple words.

I love that God showed me those two simple little things for two reasons:

First, there’s no specific target audience. I don’t care where I am, there’s always someone that needs what I am put here to do. I do think that my purpose in life is pretty simple and I’m sure other people have way more complex  purposes; however, I don’t believe that anyone’s reason for being is important than anyone else’s. We were all created one of a kind and I feel that no one is more important to God than anyone else. But it’s nice being able to do what I feel I was meant to do wherever I am.

Second, I feel like my passions FINALLY make sense to me. I promise my entire life, I’ve always been so frustrated because I wanted to be extremely good or talented at something. I would see my friends who are incredibly athletic, intelligent, musically included, make you cry hilarious, had hobbies they absolutely loved to do, etc. I just never felt like I was super awesome or ultra-interested at one thing. Instead, I was semi-good and semi-interested in odd variety of things. I absolutely love the way God wired me know that I know my mission and purpose. Although, I might not be the best or even close to it at anyone specific thing, I believe God wired me to be able to relate with a broad audience of people because of my natural gifting of “being kinda good and moderately interested in at a lot of stuff”. Hahaha. If someone needs something or I can do something to encourage them, chances are I have enough random talents to make it work for just about anyone. I love knowing how God designed me to encourage and help by giving me these random passions and interests. If someone needs help with a birthday party, I can make balloon animals or design the invitation. If someone is sad, I can make them a little craft or piece of jewelry to brighten their day. Or if someone needs a laugh, I can sit down to make up a silly song or tell them a funny story about me accidentally taking a sip of pee in a Mountain Dew can one time.  

So now after all of this time, I don’t feel inferior for not having a specialty. Rather, I feel special not having just one. :) God uses my averageness to encourage and help. That makes me happy.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Seth

The "Stages" of Parenting

I have had quite a few people ask how I can handle four kids by myself and not be ultra stressed all the time. Honestly in some ways it's a lot less stressful than just having one. The things you worry about changes as the number of children increase. See for yourself...

One Child

Buying the name brand diapers and wipes

“Your Baby Can Read” and teaching sign language 

Stevie had this down son.

Stroller color coordinating with the car seat and diaper bag

Portable diaper changing mat 

Hahahaha. I was so naive. 

Now I know that's what God invented "the ground" for

Worrying about people holding the baby

Wireless Video/Audio Baby Monitor with dual receivers

The age suggestions on toys 

The box says ages "6 months and up".

She's only 5 months old and I'm scared she will get her eyeball sucked out

by the gently powered baby toy fan

Bath water being the perfect temperature on the brand new baby bathtub

Monthly Milestones

Well planned wake/eat/play scheduling

Buying “baby” laundry detergent

Educational television shows

Child perfectly dressed and clean

Washing a dropped pacifier 

The nipple touched the ground. 

I guess we should just throw it away.

Choosing a theme for the nursery that included matching crib sheets, crib bumper, wall art, and area rug

Hand sanitizer

Height/Weight Percentages

Cloth Diapers

“Well Visits” at the doctor’s office

Making sure the crib has a “diaper changing station” attached

Baby proofing every. single. object. in the house 

As an adult, I couldn't even figure out how to bypass the cabinet locks we installed.

Two Children

Clean clothes

A packed diaper bag 

"Don't worry, I brought the aloe and the flushable baby wipes... 

Just in case."

Snacks in said diaper bag.

Well rounded diet 

Structured play time

Picking the perfect preschool

Season themed photo shoots 

We need to build this by the 4th for our Patriotic Portrait Session 

Daily reading time

Choosing the safest outside riding toys

Socializing with other children

"Wait... did that boy just take our son's block?!! I'm about to go talk to his parents."

Target brand diapers are now acceptable

Close monitoring of snack foods

Assuring ourselves that both children are treated equal and making sure we finish up that second child’s baby scrapbook



Three Children

Making sure clothes don’t have large stains

Limiting screen time

Avoiding other families that have sick children 

Casually making our way to the car at our friends' house after discovering their child has pink eye

Bathing regularly

Getting a good spot in the car drop off line to beat the tardy bell at school

Matching socks

Family bike/stroller rides

"I don't care if you don't like peeing outside. 

You can pee in the woods or hold it while we pedal down this bumpy gravel road."

One annual family portrait session resulting in one perfect picture

Finishing up all of the suggested school take home activities

Matching Easter outfits

Arriving to events on time

Visiting relatives

Wal-mart brand diapers are now an option 

Parent's Choice parents represent! :D

Four Children
Clothes that don’t smell like hot dogs

Does the dollar store sell diapers?

Making sure the coffee maker is programmed for in the morning 

On second thought, just give me the whole pot and a straw

Avoiding potty accidents

Wasps on the back porch

Convincing one of your older children to push the baby in the stroller 

"I bet you can't push your sister all the way back to the house.

Wow!! Look how strong you are!!

 I bet you can't unload all of these groceries..."

Inflated tires on bikes

Having milk in the fridge

Snakes from the ditch

“What’s a well visit at the doctor?”

Simply arriving at events regardless of the time 

"Sorry we are late.

Oh, is it over?

Well, can we just sit on your floor and eat the leftover cake?"

Running shampoo out to the kids while in they are in backyard plastic pool to avoid a bath

Figuring out which children’s tv show has the least annoying songs and characters and convincing your children to watch it

Pooping in private 

Four Children (as a single parent)

Clothes that fit (any condition will do)

Will it rain soon, I need my car washed. 

Cleanse us of our pollen

Keeping Phenergan in mass supply within the medicine cabinet

Hoping the parent sitting next to you has diapers because your child just pooped and all you brought was a bag of pretzels and sidewalk chalk

Having to piece together a dinner meal while simultaneously going over homework and sweeping the floor

Finding a good hiding spot for my Oreos

Poisonous snakes from the ditch

Having A LOT of milk in the fridge

Teaching your child to vomit on a hardwood surface rather than carpet when sick

Accidentally leaving your van door open so the neighborhood animals will clean up the crumbs on the floorboard

"Hello Human. Do you have anymore of those crushed up Frosted Flakes"

Hoping to take a quick snapshot of children to frame and give to your grandmother as a Christmas present. (Smiles optional, we are mostly focused on simply looking at the camera.

Be Blessed, 

Seth

Megow Goals for 2016

I don’t really do New Year’s Resolutions. To me they just kind of fizzle out, but I do like setting goals for myself and to teach the kids to make and work for goals. So I sat down with the kids and asked what goals they would like to set for themselves. (I typed their responses verbatim). So here’s what each individual Megow is shooting to accomplish this year, plus my goals for the Megows as a family unit.

Seth:

-Start to wear my suspenders and knit ties more frequently

-Buy more suspenders and knit ties

-Eat more raw vegetables

-Start writing my first book

-Accept the fact that I have a patch of back hair

-Speaking of hair, I want to start sculping my chest hair into fun shapes

-Start playing the piano publicly again

-Soup

-Write more hand written letters (in pencil of course)

-Let the kids all come up with the idea for and design my next tattoo

-Promote my blog

-Put money (in random denominations of bills) in various pockets of my clothes

I’m so forgetful that it will be a fun surprise when I get dressed or do laundry

 -Find out why the heck I have so much belly button lint at the end of the day

Stevie:

-Learn to Beatbox with my mouth

-Find daddy someone to marry

-Lose more teeth

-Give people more hugs

-Tell people about Jesus and pray for sick people

-See Mrs. Lewis again

-Learn how to tie my shoes

-Be a Dragon City/Dragon Vale Master

-Read all the books in the library

-Be with my family forever

-See Heaven in my dreams

-Be the best artist and learn to draw animals

Neela:

-I want to learn about a lot about nature, and a lot about God, and a lot about “aminals”, and a lot about plants, and a lot about bugs, and a lot trees, and a lot about heaven.

-Go on a mountain hike

-Give dad’s hair more cat baths

-Learn how to sneak

-Sleep on daddy’s legs

-Live in the wild

Titus:

-Become a spy

-Brush my teeth the most than anyone in the entire world

-Be the most handsome boy

-Find my Power Megazord pieces (He got them for Christmas and has already lost them)

-Teach myself how to make a Mohawk

-Act like a Power Ranger

-Jump the highest in my class

-Touch Heaven on the trampoline

-Give my toys to my friends

Olive:

-Play with Stevie

-Learn the computer

-Eat all the snacks

-Write the letter “m”

-Turn on the TV

-Sing Frozen songs

-Hide under the bed

-Sleep all day

-Wear Minnie Mouse clothes

Megow Family Goals:

-Start a Free Pet Party Service. 

We will have a wide variety of animals and have groups of people over to the house. The kids will take the animals out of the tanks and teach people about them (care, diet, fun facts, etc.). Each pet party recipient will have the chance of look at (and touch if they like) each of the animals.

So far we have a Red Knee Tarantula, a Bearded Dragon, and a Red Earred Slider Turtle. We plan on getting at least 2 more exotic animals (and a dog). Neela says the dog is for little kids and adults that are too scared of the fun animals. 

-See REAL Snow

-Host a giant Karaoke night. The winner will receive the chance to comb Seth’s patch of back hair

-Find the perfect mixture of Kool-Aid flavors.

The current favorite is Tropical Punch/Watermelon

-Use our outside fire pit more

 -Have a “free” yard sale

 -Figure out how my children can go through an entire roll of toilet paper easier than breathing in oxygen

 -Get a new family car

-Be the "Best Family Ever" (Stevie's family goal for 2016)

Be Blessed,

Seth

Application for "Seth's Significant Other" Position

Some "Adult" Funny Stories - 'Male Lingerie' and 'The Horrors of Umbros'

Disclaimer: 

This post has some adult themed humor. If you believe you might be offended or feel uncomfortable reading that type of thing, please skip over this post. I really don’t want to offend anyone.

So it’s Friday night and I want to tell my two of my favorite stories. Both of these stories happened before the kids, but I just want to share them anyways.  Again, they are not for children J

The first happened quite a few years back… I have always been heavily involved in church, specifically skits, dramas, or anything that involves me being able to crack some jokes ;) This particular church drama was an Easter performance. It was portraying the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus.  I was assigned to be a roman soldier. If my memory serves correctly there were maybe three of us? Anyways, one thing that most people know that have participated in church production usually knows is that the wardrobes typically aren’t custom made for each person. Sometimes they are, but most of the ones I have been involved, I was just given a random costume and hoped it fit.

“Don’t worry it will fit. All of our costumes are One-Size-Fits-All.”

As a somewhat tall man, my roman soldier was a little short in the top and the bottom. So during the dress rehearsal, I felt somewhat embarrassed that my man skirt armor thing was kinda short so I kinda of pulled it a little lower around the waist so everyone at the rehearsal wouldn’t be staring at my pasty white, scrawny thighs.

Most of the play involved me just standing there looking “tough”. Hahaha.  So I just continued to stand there rocking my tough guy face (side note: I’m better at funny roles. I just laugh the whole time if it’s serious). So at the very end, the other roman soldiers and I put Jesus in the tomb and stood guard. When the angel appeared and rolled the stone away, we were supposed to just kinda fall to our knees facing forward and bend over with our hands on the ground. So I did that; however I got the feeling that something is a little off, so sit sitting on my knees and facing forward with my upper body stretched out, I kind of turned my head and see some sweet old ladies just staring at me with their faces pale and in utter shock. In my head, I’m racing through my mind on what the heck they were staring at me for. Suddenly it hit me…

I’m not trying to get too graphic or reveal too much, but when me and Crissy were married we loved to do fun, silly things like dare each other to do stuff or just do fun things to keep out married life “spiced up”. For a gag gift for my wife, I bought these pretty much dental floss man thongs. I would always put them on at night to make her laugh. Anyways, when we were leaving for the dress rehearsal, she dared me to wear them. I said heck no because they were super uncomfortable and I only wore them as a joke for her. She countered with she would give me a special “treat” when we got home. So of course, I said yes.

Back to story, I realize that since my armor pants thing was hiked down so I wouldn’t be showing off my upper legs and my armor vest was so short, I was pretty much mooning the entire line of “angels” behind me. The angels were made up of mostly older women in the church. Not only was pretty much the entire half of my butt hanging out, but I had this black, leather thong stretched to the max finding its way up my lower back. I remember this moment so vividly; this dress rehearsal was ALMOST over. So should I just stay there and hope no one else notices or should I try to roll around in this tiny costume trying to stand up and draw more attention to myself. All of this while, the angel is announcing that the Savior of the world has risen from the dead. I guess the situation was too much and I just busted out laughing. Like ultra-hard laughing. I felt all of the eyes of every cast member just being drawn to the sexiness radiating out of the Roman Soldier’s backside.  It was one of my favorite church skit memories.

_____________________________________________________

My next story, believe it or not, is a little more graphic. Be warned. It takes place back when I was probably in seventh grade. That is back in the days of Umbro shorts and Adidas sandals.  My mom took me to the dentist because I had a cavity. So my mom just sat in the waiting room and I walked back to the room. I guess it was a pretty bad cavity because the dentist told me he was going to give me “laughing gas”. I had heard of it but never had it before. So when he said it, I got really excited because I thought I would just think everything was funny and laugh the entire time. He put the mask on me and turned on the gas. The dentist told me that the gas would take a few minutes to take affect so he was going to leave me in the chair to check on other patient. So the dentist and his assistant walked out of the room. They told me they would be back in about 5 or 10 minutes.

So I’m just sitting there with the chair reclined, so my lower body is kind of higher in the air. I’m just chilling looking around the room and waiting to start laughing. I guess the gas hit me, because after a minute or two I just zoned out. Remember I said this was when I was in middle school. The golden age of raging hormones. Anyways, as I’m looking around I glance down to find my hormones were completely raged, if you get my drift J hahaha. Sometimes at that age, it just happened for no apparent reason. So I’m sitting there somewhat high on laughing gas with a clearly evident bulge. I start kind of rolling and shifting my body in a way that might hide the thunder, but to no avail. Then I tried focused concentration, hoping that I could mentally make this situation would subside. Well, that didn’t work either. Finally, I had no choice but try to position things were it wouldn’t be so evident for the crew of dental health care professionals that were going to be entering the door any minute. I think I sat there for 2 or 3 straight minutes trying to arrange things in a less obvious way, and then I realized that this task is a physical impossibility in Umbros. 

 Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

By now, I am freaking out. I couldn’t really think straight due the laughing gas, so I couldn’t really make a clear decision on what to do. Suddenly to make matters worse, I hear footsteps coming down the hallway to my room. Then it hit me. It was now or never, and I would just have to do the waistband tuck and let my shirt do the hiding for me. I can hear the dentist and his assistant talking and laughing as they get closer and closer to my room. So in the blink of an eye, I quickly removed the “problem” for its current position and hid it under my waistband and pulled my big shirt over it… Yes!! It worked! Problem solved. No one would be the wiser. I just would have to sit through the most awkward and strange tooth filling of my life. So I’m just sitting there in the chair thinking how I dodged a MAJOR bullet, when suddenly I hear a noise come from behind me. I turn my head to find a 20 something year old female dental assistant who just witnessed the entire chain of events and is now just staring at me in complete disbelief. I guess I forgot they probably couldn’t just leave a kid hooked up to a controlled substance in a room by himself. Hahahaha. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve tried to picture how this sequence of events happened from her perspective. So there we are just looking each other dead in the eye, both horrified. We are still looking at each other when the dentist and the other assistance walk in. Needless to say that dental assistant left the room and I NEVER saw her again. I mean for the rest of my life, I never saw her again. Hahaha

“Who’s the next patient?” “Let’s see… its Seth Megow”  “Ooohhh… I just remembered I volunteered to fit dentures for homeless cats at the shelter. I’ll be back in an hour.”

On the bright side, the sheer terror of our eyes locking calmed “the situation” down. So I sat quietly for the remainder of the procedure just imagining the stories being told about me in the break room. When the filling was done, I briskly walked to the lobby to find my mom cheerful and smiling about her son’s new oral health. She asked, “How was it?”… “Fine. I’m going to wait in the car.”

I don’t think I have ever told my mom this story before. What a better way to find out than on the internet. Love you Denise J

-Seth