Sunday, October 22, 2017

Megow Life Tips

I’ve been listening to kids give advice to each other lately. It’s been pretty entertaining. So tonight at dinner, I jotted down some life issues and asked the kids to give “our website” readers their advice regarding said issues. The conversation was getting fun, so I joined in too. Enjoy!

Megow Life Tip - "Developing Hobbies and Cultivating Interests"

Stevie: “Do you have hands? If yes, make art. If you don’t have hands but you are smart, you can do math. If you don’t have hands and you aren’t smart, you can take naps.”

Neela: “If you have to take a bath after it, then it’s a fun thing to do.”

Titus: “I like to do things that I can wear a costume for. So if you don’t have anything fun to do, you should just have a costume party with your friends.”

Olive: “What’s a hobby… Oh, what do I like to do? Hmmm… I like to eat chocolate. Dat’s mine. Eat chocolate.”

Seth: “I always hear people say ‘Do what makes you happy’. I don’t really know about that. Happiness comes and goes through various seasons of life. So I think I would say, ‘Do what brings you joy’. Because even when life is at its absolute worst and there’s no place in your heart for happiness, there’s always room for joy. Happiness seems external, while joy is more deep rooted.

Megow Life Tip - "Shopping"

Stevie: “Don’t shop anywhere unless they sell food their too. Like if you’re buying clothes, make sure they sell snacks at that store too. Eating while you shop is the best part.”

Neela: “If you don’t know where something is, don’t ask a worker for help. Ask a person who doesn’t work there. It’s really funny.”

Titus: “Whenever we go to the store, we always bring in shopping carts inside for the workers. Store workers work hard and everyone needs to be nice and help them.”

Olive: “Always ride in the cart.”

Seth: “Thrift Stores!! It’s not only about the price, but it’s like a treasure hunt!”

Megow Life Tip - "Reducing Stress and Relaxing"

Stevie: “I saw a book in a store. It was called ‘Adults get rid of stress’. I guess just buy that book. And maybe adopt a cat.”

Neela: “Umm dad…I never relax. I can tell people how to be hyper all the time instead?”

Titus: “Eat a snack. Love God. Have another snack. Watch a show. Eat dinner. Play with your friends. Eat another snack.”

Olive: “Drink milk and have cuddle time.”

Seth: “Learn to relax when life is at its absolute insanity phase. Then when things level out, you just live in permanent chill mode and none of life’s little speed bumps can get you too frazzled.”

Megow Life Tip - "Making New Friends"

Stevie: “Step 1) Learn their name. Step 2) Tell them jokes. Step 3) Draw them something or write them a nice note. Step 4) You have a new friend.”

Neela: “I normally just roar at people like a lion. If they play lions with me, we are new friends. If they run away, I make up new imaginary friends that like to play lions.”

Titus: “Be nice to everyone, but especially girls. They are the best friends I like to have because they are fun and pretty. Plus girls like when boys are nice to them.”

Olive: “I play with people and then they are my friends.”

Seth: “Approach every stranger as a potential friend and treat them like a current friend.”

Megow Life Tip- "Taking Tests"

Stevie: “Use your brain and study. If you don’t study, you will do bad. This is not complicated people”

Neela: “Eat the test. Then say your dog ate it. Then when your teacher says ‘I saw you eat the test’, just run outside and be a real dog.”

Titus: “Tests? You mean like YouTube challenges? I guess just watch a bunch of YouTube. Just not Annoying Orange. That show says bad words.

Olive: *stares blankly at me and does three consecutive extremely long blinks while grimacing.* Apparently, Olive is not a fan of the word ‘test’.

Seth: “Studying is all about good snacks. I make flashcards, and whenever I learn a flashcard, I get a bite of my snack.”

Megow Life Tip - "Finding Lost Objects Around the House"

Stevie: “Look for clues, find evidence, talk to people, and look in holes.”

Neela: “Normally, I get really mad when I lose something. Then I run and run around because I’m so mad. When I’m done running around, I’m tired and can’t remember what I lost or why I was running. So then I'm happy again."

Titus: “Always keep a magnifying glass in your underwear drawer.”

Olive: “I don’t look for things. I cry instead. Then people help me find it.”

Seth: “Have a ‘good finder of the house’ competition to find whatever you lost. Kids love being asked to find things. I’ve made an aluminum foil ‘champion finder hat’ for the last kid who found my cell phone”

Megow Life Tip - "Staying Healthy"

Stevie: “Only drink water. It is the healthiest. Except for at bedtime; then you can drink some chocolate milk.”

Neela: “I lick myself clean. That’s called a cat bath. If you are a cat, then you don’t need to be healthy because even if you die, you have nine lives.”

Titus: “I exercise everyday. I do pushups, jumpin jacks, and these... *spins around in a circle before crouching down in some sort of ninja pose*

Olive: “I like bubble baths at night time.”

Seth: “Drink coffee in the morning. It helps keep you on a normal poop schedule :)”

Megow Life Tip - "Making and Saving Money"
Stevie: “I keep my money in my private box. I don’t spend it until I really really want something.”

Neela: “Money? Dad, can I have $5?”

Titus: “People throw pennies on the ground. I don’t know why they leave them there, I pick them up and save them in my bank. I have so so many pennies now.”

Olive: “When you lose a tooth, you get rich.”

Seth: “Find free hobbies and friends who are happy to be fed sandwiches and water when they come over. Hahaha”

Megow Life Tip - "Keeping a Clean House"

Stevie: “Gross… cleaning. I don’t mean to clean things that are gross. I mean it is gross to clean things.”

Neela: “I pretend to clean, but I really just go to sleep under my bed.”

Titus: “I like to surprise people by cleaning their rooms for them.”

Olive: “Flush poop down the potty, right daddy?”

Seth: *laughs*

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Thursday, October 5, 2017

What's that smell?

I’ve learned that becoming a parent really expands the boundaries of your senses. Hahaha. They seem to get pressed to the limits of human understanding at times.

“Dad. Dad. Dad. Daddy. Dad. Seth. Mr Seth. Dad. Daddy. Dad. Dad. Seth. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.”

“I made you a surprise dessert! You will love it. It’s ice cream, hummus, fruit snacks, and ketchup. Try it…. No don’t save it for later, try it now! I can’t wait to see how much you will love it!!”

When I got called back to church nursery because Neela got her head stuck in the play kitchen.

“Why is the carpet soaking wet and covered with sugar?”

However, the one that probably hits me the hardest is smell. Before entering parenthood, I (along with many of us I’m sure) thought the worst part of parent smell would be dirty poop diapers. In our heads, we are engrained with the nightmare of catching a horrid whiff of a #2 diaper.

Admit it, we were all scared of the poop.

The older my kids got, the more I learned that poop was mere child’s play when it came to the aroma of children. However, I did devote an entire post to “poop” awhile back. Seriously though, a poop diaper is nothing compared to the multitude of pungent aromas that will tickle your nostrils once you acquire a child. This post I want to talk about the worst smell of all… Fermented Urine.

Poop dries and becomes just a brown chalk-like (non-smelly) substance over time; however pee just gets exponentially worse.  Here are two true stories about when that disgusting, murky pee smell overtook in the Megow house. Warning, they are pretty gross. Just FYI.

Stevie was just a little baby. She couldn’t have been more than a few months old. This putrid odor begins to form in the master bedroom. It begins to grow in magnitude daily, and I’m convinced it’s a dirty diaper.  Every day, I look around for the culprit but each day come up empty handed. Finally, the smell comes to a boiling point around 2am. So I wake up in the middle of the night bound and determined to end this problem once and for all. I begin smelling each individual item in the bedroom. Once each object has passed the smell test, I physically place the item in the living room to narrow down the search. Slowly but surely, everything is removed except our bed, an empty end table, and an empty bookshelf. Naturally, I strip the bed. Once that is done, the smell is still going strong. I take apart the bed and move the frame, boxspring, and mattress out of the room. Holy Crap! The smell is still as strong as ever. So I move the end table out and triple check the bookshelf for any remaining items. By now the smell is so strong, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where it’s coming from. All I know is that it’s still alive and burning my nostrils. So I get on my hands and knees and start to sniff the carpet. I’m crawling all over our stupid bedroom, but no luck. I’m just standing in a barren room with an empty bookshelf. Suddenly it hits me. I haven’t checked ON TOP of the bookshelf. I can’t see the top, but I’m desperate so I just run my hand across the top. I hit something and feel it splash on my hand. Immediately I jerk my hand back and take a whiff of my fingers. Suddenly, I find myself struggling to breathe. In the midst of the gasping for oxygen, I realize I located the source of the smell. After I wash my hands and collect my cool, I SLOWLY reach my hand back up to the top of the shelf. With neurosurgeon like precision I carefully grasp the object and gently bring it to my line of sight. Immediately when I see it, I know EXACTLY what it is! Now get ready, because this is pretty gross. Apparently when Crissy took her pregnancy test, I was so on edge that I just stood holding the cup of pee while staring and waiting for the results. When it displayed “pregnant” and in my extreme excitement induced stupor, I just sat the cup down somewhere not thinking. I mean come on. This was our first baby! That’s understandable, right? Right? Just don’t answer. Haha. Apparently, the place I sat the cup filled with urine was completely out of sight and far enough away from our living spots where it wouldn’t raise an immediate flag from the smell. Well, by my estimate that cup has been up there for over a year.  There were literally tiny life forms swimming around in that cup of pregnancy tested pee. After all of this, I decide to just soak my hand in bleach water for about 5 minutes. While my well-aged urine splashed hand is soaking in this burning liquid, I ponder what life has in store for me as a parent. Aaaand cue next story…

Four kids later and I haven’t dealt with any more horrific pee instances. I mean I’ve had some dealings with rotten, dead wild animals under the house, but nothing of the urine variety. Until one day last year… I pick up Olive from daycare and notice that wonderful sight that every parent loves to witness. My kid standing in the hallway holding a plastic bag.

Girl, you better wipe that smile off yo’ face. We both know you got pee pants in that bag.

Crap. So I take the damp bag and put it as far away from me as possible in the car, but not too far because I don’t want that junk to get left in the car in the South Georgia heat. However, I did have to go grocery shopping so I can’t immediately go home and throw the pee pants in the wash. So I just make a mental reminder to wash those things asap when you get home. Fast forward an hour. I pull up to your house and have to unload the Mount Everest of groceries from the back of my van, so I hand the urine pants bag to the guilty party and tell her to go in and throw her pants in the wash ; get ready for a quick bath.  I get all of the groceries put up, run to the bathroom, find her standing her naked and waiting for her bath. I bathe her real quick, then run to glance at the washing machine to see a pair of pants in there. So I run the washer and start dinner. Crisis averted. A few weeks pass. Hahahaha.  It’s a relaxing Saturday at the house when suddenly I smell this horrid odor. Not just an ordinary bad smell, but the equivalent of stepping in a dead animal carcass stuffed with rotten eggs and 3 year spoiled coffee creamer. Suddenly, I see Olive burst out of her room with puke dripping down from her chin to her shirt. So I sprint to her room to find some opened plastic bags thrown around across the floor. Apparently giving a 4 year old the job of putting her pee pants in the laundry was too much for my four year old, because she instead got caught up playing with toys and the bag slowly made its way to the bottom of the toy bin. And there it sat and festered until Olive curiously opened it and threw up everywhere. As I examine it closely I see a brittle, discolored Ziploc bag containing what looks like Sloth from the Goonies burp cloth when he was infant. So many putrid colors and smells from that bag. 

 “Hey you guuuys. I just spit up.”

However, it’s not the sight the hits me first. It’s the smell. Immediately, I recall this musky scent… Aged Urine. Olive must have thrown her clean pants in the wash and decided to hide the pee pants bag. Instantly, I began to dry heave and franticly grasp for the only thing in my reach that I can use to pick up this mystery cloth item, Olive’s Minnie Mouse Microphone. I lift the “used to be pants” and begin to race to the outside dumpster. Of course, it wouldn’t be that easy. As I’m running outside, it catches a breeze and literally blows into my face. The smell was so strong that I could taste it. As you are reading this and you are thinking, “Ohhh, it must have went in his mouth”. Let me stop you right there. My mouth was completely closed. The stench was just so viscous that when it brushed by my face, I could feel it drip down my nostrils and onto the back of my tongue. I then begin to vomit all over my driveway. It’s too much. I just run inside and leave in festering there in the driveway. I locked the door and we stayed inside for the rest of the day. Shoot, I didn’t even deal with it until we got home from church the next afternoon. Even to this day, I still shutter at the memory. Needless to say, my new philosophy is when I see my kids holding a plastic bag after school that junk goes straight in the trashcan.

So new parents, just know poop is gross but old pee will melt your face. ;)

Be Blessed,