Neela's Hobby Lobby Moment and Dad's Meltdown

Here’s a quick catch-up of what’s been going on at the Megow house…

*Disclaimer- there’s some adult humor. So again, if you might be offended please skip over this post or at least until you see pictures of the kids painting J *

The kids have been itching to go to Hobby Lobby and do some kind of craft. Side note: The Megow kids LOVE Hobby Lobby. It’s their favorite place. I didn’t really have any idea of what we were going to do so we were just walking around. Now one thing I’ve learned how to do (reasonably well) is to kind of carry on multiple conversations with individual or groups of my kids. Each of the kids were looking and talking about different things we should buy or make. Neela however was hung up on talking about some movie she wanted to see. It’s a new Pixar movie called “The Good Dinosaur”. Her and I happened to see a trailer for it on the computer one day and she’s dying to watch it.

Neela for some reason is convinced the little boy is naked and thinks it’s just the funniest thing. (My kids are pretty innocent when it comes to things like that. I like keeping their innocence as long as possible). Anyways, we were all walking around Hobby Lobby for some time and finally found the project we wanted to do. The kids wanted to get little treasure boxes and paint them. They are called “private boxes” (we had them growing up too). 

They had quite a few styles to choose from. It was really fun letting them pick.

Pretty much, you can’t open up anyone’s else private box. It’s just a little way for the kids to be able to keep little things away from their siblings. The isle was kind of crowded, but eventually we got to where all of the little wooden boxes were. They had quite a few to pick from and each design was about $2-3, so I let the kids pick out the box they wanted. Stevie picked out hers. Titus found the one he liked. Olive chose one as well .However, Neela wasn’t too interested in a box and instead said (quite loudly) “Dad, I want to watch that movie with the naked boy. The one you showed me on the computer.” The two older ladies beside me, literally stopped in the middle of their conversation and gave me “you’re going to burn in hell” looks. Now looking back my reaction might not have been the best, but in the moment it was just what came out. I leaned over close to the ladies and whispered so the kids couldn’t hear me. “Don’t worry. She’s not talking about child pornography or anything sexual involving naked boys. She just wants to watch a dinosaur cartoon.” The two older classic southern belle women quickly grabbed their gold colored handbags, fastened their red hats, and marched to another isle. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Not one of my finer moments in defending my children’s behavior.

I really wasn’t feeling well. I was really, really tired. I shortly found out after all of this I has strep (Getting better now. Thank Jesus for antibiotics).Anyways, the kids really wanted to do decorate their private boxes so we did. It was really fun.

  

Stinker

I think Titus likes his "privacy" more than anyone. 

According to him, "I'm going to put so much candy in this thing."

This was literally Stevie's paint plate AFTER she finished. 

She is very detail oriented and took great care in washing and drying her brush after using a new color

Neela on the other hand takes a different approach to keeping her paint organized. ;)

Now here comes my mental breakdown. After everyone was done with their boxes, I gave everyone dinner & a snack and let them play or watch a show. I had to finish work and it was due that day, so I really needed about an hour to myself to sit down and concentrate. Normally, my kids are really good about this. So I went to my little home office desk and finished up what I needed to do. I probably worked alone in my room for about 45 minutes. I came out to find out that Olive has gotten out all of the paint and proceeded to dump. it. everywhere. All over the table, the floors, baseboards, window blinds, etc. She had also covered her hands with paint and painted the walls of my house. To make matters worse, both Stevie and Neela were playing in the paint as well. Not as messy as their little sister, but for sure not in a clean way. They definitely knew better.

I didn’t really take pictures of the complete damage.

But here’s a quick snapshot I took before I cleaned the table.

And yes, they decided to use limes to paint with as well.

At first, I was really trying to keep it together. I gave everyone walmart bags, paper towels, wash cloths, and cleaning spray. Apparently, mountains of wet paint are beyond cleaning power of my children because they just seemed to spread it everywhere (walls included). I pretty much lost my cool and sent everyone involved to bed. I wish I could say I didn’t yell, but clearly that wasn’t the case. I was fuming mad. I’m trying to get my house ready to sell. Before sending them to bed, I strongly gave an intense diatribe about how hard dad works to keep things clean and how mad I was. I really was furious; seeing paint smeared everywhere in the house just made me so agitated. I stayed up about two hours and cleaned it all up. Well, about the best I could. I think the reason, I shared that story is I felt so bad about it later that night. I might have been the 102 fever, but really I'm sure it was an overreaction about the paint, but I didn’t sleep a wink that night. I hate when I lose my temper like that. I mean I absolutely hate it.

I guess the reason I shared that little story about me losing my cool is that I think everyone does from time to time. It’s not acceptable nor positive, however, it is human. We all overreact from time to time. The next morning all of the girls climbed in my bed and we all apologized. Kids are so quick to forgive; I love that about children. It’s something I am trying to learn from my kids J

Be Blessed,

Seth

Some "Adult" Funny Stories - 'Male Lingerie' and 'The Horrors of Umbros'

Disclaimer: 

This post has some adult themed humor. If you believe you might be offended or feel uncomfortable reading that type of thing, please skip over this post. I really don’t want to offend anyone.

So it’s Friday night and I want to tell my two of my favorite stories. Both of these stories happened before the kids, but I just want to share them anyways.  Again, they are not for children J

The first happened quite a few years back… I have always been heavily involved in church, specifically skits, dramas, or anything that involves me being able to crack some jokes ;) This particular church drama was an Easter performance. It was portraying the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus.  I was assigned to be a roman soldier. If my memory serves correctly there were maybe three of us? Anyways, one thing that most people know that have participated in church production usually knows is that the wardrobes typically aren’t custom made for each person. Sometimes they are, but most of the ones I have been involved, I was just given a random costume and hoped it fit.

“Don’t worry it will fit. All of our costumes are One-Size-Fits-All.”

As a somewhat tall man, my roman soldier was a little short in the top and the bottom. So during the dress rehearsal, I felt somewhat embarrassed that my man skirt armor thing was kinda short so I kinda of pulled it a little lower around the waist so everyone at the rehearsal wouldn’t be staring at my pasty white, scrawny thighs.

Most of the play involved me just standing there looking “tough”. Hahaha.  So I just continued to stand there rocking my tough guy face (side note: I’m better at funny roles. I just laugh the whole time if it’s serious). So at the very end, the other roman soldiers and I put Jesus in the tomb and stood guard. When the angel appeared and rolled the stone away, we were supposed to just kinda fall to our knees facing forward and bend over with our hands on the ground. So I did that; however I got the feeling that something is a little off, so sit sitting on my knees and facing forward with my upper body stretched out, I kind of turned my head and see some sweet old ladies just staring at me with their faces pale and in utter shock. In my head, I’m racing through my mind on what the heck they were staring at me for. Suddenly it hit me…

I’m not trying to get too graphic or reveal too much, but when me and Crissy were married we loved to do fun, silly things like dare each other to do stuff or just do fun things to keep out married life “spiced up”. For a gag gift for my wife, I bought these pretty much dental floss man thongs. I would always put them on at night to make her laugh. Anyways, when we were leaving for the dress rehearsal, she dared me to wear them. I said heck no because they were super uncomfortable and I only wore them as a joke for her. She countered with she would give me a special “treat” when we got home. So of course, I said yes.

Back to story, I realize that since my armor pants thing was hiked down so I wouldn’t be showing off my upper legs and my armor vest was so short, I was pretty much mooning the entire line of “angels” behind me. The angels were made up of mostly older women in the church. Not only was pretty much the entire half of my butt hanging out, but I had this black, leather thong stretched to the max finding its way up my lower back. I remember this moment so vividly; this dress rehearsal was ALMOST over. So should I just stay there and hope no one else notices or should I try to roll around in this tiny costume trying to stand up and draw more attention to myself. All of this while, the angel is announcing that the Savior of the world has risen from the dead. I guess the situation was too much and I just busted out laughing. Like ultra-hard laughing. I felt all of the eyes of every cast member just being drawn to the sexiness radiating out of the Roman Soldier’s backside.  It was one of my favorite church skit memories.

_____________________________________________________

My next story, believe it or not, is a little more graphic. Be warned. It takes place back when I was probably in seventh grade. That is back in the days of Umbro shorts and Adidas sandals.  My mom took me to the dentist because I had a cavity. So my mom just sat in the waiting room and I walked back to the room. I guess it was a pretty bad cavity because the dentist told me he was going to give me “laughing gas”. I had heard of it but never had it before. So when he said it, I got really excited because I thought I would just think everything was funny and laugh the entire time. He put the mask on me and turned on the gas. The dentist told me that the gas would take a few minutes to take affect so he was going to leave me in the chair to check on other patient. So the dentist and his assistant walked out of the room. They told me they would be back in about 5 or 10 minutes.

So I’m just sitting there with the chair reclined, so my lower body is kind of higher in the air. I’m just chilling looking around the room and waiting to start laughing. I guess the gas hit me, because after a minute or two I just zoned out. Remember I said this was when I was in middle school. The golden age of raging hormones. Anyways, as I’m looking around I glance down to find my hormones were completely raged, if you get my drift J hahaha. Sometimes at that age, it just happened for no apparent reason. So I’m sitting there somewhat high on laughing gas with a clearly evident bulge. I start kind of rolling and shifting my body in a way that might hide the thunder, but to no avail. Then I tried focused concentration, hoping that I could mentally make this situation would subside. Well, that didn’t work either. Finally, I had no choice but try to position things were it wouldn’t be so evident for the crew of dental health care professionals that were going to be entering the door any minute. I think I sat there for 2 or 3 straight minutes trying to arrange things in a less obvious way, and then I realized that this task is a physical impossibility in Umbros. 

 Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

By now, I am freaking out. I couldn’t really think straight due the laughing gas, so I couldn’t really make a clear decision on what to do. Suddenly to make matters worse, I hear footsteps coming down the hallway to my room. Then it hit me. It was now or never, and I would just have to do the waistband tuck and let my shirt do the hiding for me. I can hear the dentist and his assistant talking and laughing as they get closer and closer to my room. So in the blink of an eye, I quickly removed the “problem” for its current position and hid it under my waistband and pulled my big shirt over it… Yes!! It worked! Problem solved. No one would be the wiser. I just would have to sit through the most awkward and strange tooth filling of my life. So I’m just sitting there in the chair thinking how I dodged a MAJOR bullet, when suddenly I hear a noise come from behind me. I turn my head to find a 20 something year old female dental assistant who just witnessed the entire chain of events and is now just staring at me in complete disbelief. I guess I forgot they probably couldn’t just leave a kid hooked up to a controlled substance in a room by himself. Hahahaha. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve tried to picture how this sequence of events happened from her perspective. So there we are just looking each other dead in the eye, both horrified. We are still looking at each other when the dentist and the other assistance walk in. Needless to say that dental assistant left the room and I NEVER saw her again. I mean for the rest of my life, I never saw her again. Hahaha

“Who’s the next patient?” “Let’s see… its Seth Megow”  “Ooohhh… I just remembered I volunteered to fit dentures for homeless cats at the shelter. I’ll be back in an hour.”

On the bright side, the sheer terror of our eyes locking calmed “the situation” down. So I sat quietly for the remainder of the procedure just imagining the stories being told about me in the break room. When the filling was done, I briskly walked to the lobby to find my mom cheerful and smiling about her son’s new oral health. She asked, “How was it?”… “Fine. I’m going to wait in the car.”

I don’t think I have ever told my mom this story before. What a better way to find out than on the internet. Love you Denise J

-Seth

Olive found a big stick at the park.

Disclaimer: if you are sensitive to crude humor, please do not read this post. I am not intentionally trying to shock or offend.

My goal of this whole blog thing is to provide an unfiltered look into the Megow life. Well, just being real, kids will be kids. Before I tell my story, I do want to clarify that our house has a pretty strict set of rules about speech and bad words. For instance, my kids are not allowed to say "oh my gosh". To me that sounds too much like "oh my god", instead we say "oh my goodness". Nor do I typically find it funny.  Also, I try to avoid laughing or showing some kind of approval when kids do say a bad word or say something that sounds like a bad word. I really can't stand when kids are using bad words and parents laugh in front of them. It really just encourages them to continue to use those words again. (Can you tell I am really trying hard not to offend?)

I mean I really have no shortage of crude stories, but in my opinion, to be really funny you need to be able to make alot of people find things funny without having to resort to offensive things. It's a fun challenge to try to tell stories and write things that can find mass humor appeal, but at the same time not be overused, bland, and just not funny at all. However, over time I might share some fun little stories when I can think of the best way to present them. 

Anyways, let's get to my story about last night. My dream Wednesday night is to go to my church home group (side note: my home group is the best.) however, there's not any nursery or childcare, so the kids just sit and color or watch a show. During the summer, I am fine with that but during the school year, I feel bad making them sit down and be quiet after being in school all day. So last night we went to the park to burn off some energy. We are a park family. Megow kids love nature and exploring and finding little treasures. Olive really loves to pick flowers, find rocks, and discover leaves, etc. Well, last night she found a big stick. Neela has been carrying around a bamboo stick around for a few days, so Olive was THRILLED to have a "big stick" just like Neela.

After the park, we went to dollar general to get a few things before heading home. It was Wednesday night so since Hahira is a small town, it was packed with sweet little ladies who just got out of church. I made my kids leave their "treasures" (sticks, rocks, etc) in the car because I wanted to be in and out quick. Anyways, Olive ran up to every one of those women in the store and told them proudly "I have a big stick". Normally, people think Olive is just too cute. Especially since she had a little speech delay and always pronounces her words just a little bit wrong. Rock is "wock". Flower is "fwahwah". However, last night all of the sweet older ladies did NOT think it was funny or cute at all. Watch the video below and you can see why.

She wanted to make a video showing off her new stick. This is a snippet of that little video.

 Remember, she was running up to everyone yelling "I HAVE A BIG STICK!"

I kept running up behind her to quickly correct her and calm the shocked look on the sweet, elderly women's faces. "A big STick. A ST-ick", I quickly reassured them. :)

I mean, while it was embarrassing. It was somewhatpretty funny, but I couldn't laugh because I didn't want to keep encouraging her. However, now that I am not around my kids. Yes, I am laughing :)

-Seth