You wanna marry my dad?

I've talked about this on my facebook before, but never really in depth. It's probably one of the sweetest things my kids do (and one of the most embarrassing). Last Christmas, my kids decided the best gift they could get me would be to find me a wife. Hahahaha. Clearly, they think I'm not capable enough for this task and need their assistance. Neela typically leads the charge, but the others are quick to give their advice/opinion on the matter. About 70% of the adult women we see in public get asked the question "Do you want marry my dad?"

Now keep in mind a large majority of these people are complete strangers. My kids literally have no shame. At first, this was jawdroppingly embarrassing. I mean, I would just stand & stare at my children making me look at a complete idiot. Also, earlier when I said the phrase "adult women", I was using that term loosely. "Adult" to my kids means anyone over the age of around 15. I literally cannot express to you the horror I have felt at certain times. Picture this: We are in the grocery store and we see a 6'5 man in full military attire (complete with mustache) walking with his high school freshman age daughter. Neela walks right up to the barely teenage girl and starts talking. I see this happening and immediately toss the frozen pizza I'm grabbing out of the freezer section across the isle while sprinting to break up this conversation. I don't make it. This is what I run up to...

Neela: "You're so pretty. My dad is handsome. I bet he would think you are so pretty. Hey! I got a great idea. You two should marry!! *turns around to me see right behind her and out of breathe from sprinting across the store* Great!!! Here he is!... Dad. Isn't she so pretty!?! I bet you are in looooove now..." 

As the blood drains from my head is shock and embarrassment, I notice the dad's knuckles turning about as white as my face. I try to laugh it off and yank Neela away from the situation. Of course, we literally are on one of those "isle twins" routines. Every time, we go down an isle who do we see rounding the corner. Grabbing fruit loops... isle twin. Looking a bag of flour... isle twin. Grabbing some chewing gum...isle twin. It was so bad. Finally, me and the kids just grabbed some fruit snacks and ate them in the toy section, so I wouldn't be stuck behind them in the checkout line. Later, we had a big talk about "age appropriateness". hahaha.

However, normally I don't mind too much. They ask college girls at work, women at restaurants, moms at the park, and even senior citizens who live at my grandma's retirement home. (Fun fact: Occasionally, some women smile at the kids and say "Sure!". However, at the nursing home, I tend to rack up with the potential spouse candidates ;)  Actually, one time one of the teachers at school told me that Neela had already given out "wedding jobs" to all of the elementary teachers (flower girl, priest, picture taker, dog sitter..."

Now to be honest, when they first started doing this, I was a little worried they were trying to fill some "mom void" in their own lives. I got nervous that I wasn't doing a great job of being both mom and dad. However, over months of conversations with them I've learned that they just really want me be happy. Although, I constantly tell them that I really enjoy spending my time with them, they just think I should have a partner. They might want me to find someone more than I do actually.

Tangent Alert: 

Pardon my rabbit trail.

This is just my opinion, but I think some people rush through the single parenting experience at times. In all honesty it's so much work and can be emotionally/physically draining, but once you get over the hump; get in the groove, it's just the most interesting life experience. Not only does it give you an amazing chance to bond with your kids, but it forces you to grow out of your comfort zone as a human. I've always been fun, carefree, and a little weird. So naturally when I became a dad I encouraged that in my children. However, over the past few years I've noticed flaws in my parenting and personal life due to the fact that I'm playing both parenting roles. I always like to compare it to the movie "Big Daddy". My kids were pretty much named Frankenstein, acting crazy, and dressed like this for school. In time, I learned how balancing social norms and actual etiquette along with the fun/crazy is ultra beneficial.

"Sure, you can wear a pot on your hear and paint the toilet with fingernail polish."

Also, there's just such a strong sense of value I've been able to pass along to my kids being a single parent. They know they are the most important to me. There's no competition between a woman. There's no questioning that I value my relationship and time with them above everything else. With them going through their abandonment issues, this has been such a major part of their healing.

End of Tangent ;)

So besides them asking women to marry me, they also like to give me tips on how to meet/impress women. Here are some of my favorite pearls of wisdom I've received from my children on how to impress the opposite sex.

- "Whenever you go in public, you should take off your shirt. Grown up women like a hairy man. And boy. you hairy."

- "Just do this whenever you see a pretty girl..."

 

- "Dad! That girl is pretty. You should talk to her... Don't act weird like you normally do."

- "Take us to the ice cream store. Girls are always in good mood when they eat ice cream."

- "About taking off your shirt, you need to lose a few pounds in your belly before you do that actually."

- "I bet you would be more handsome without your glasses.... Take them off...  Nope.... Put them back on."

- "Dad. I bet there will be pretty girls there tonight. You should wear your tight pants!"


Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
Seth

"My Origin Story" - My marriage

Note: I just finished writing this thing. 

There's no way I'm proofing it #toolazytoproof. 

So please just ignore any grammar mistakes :D

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I think I take it for granted that people just kind of know all about the kids and my life now. I mean, I kinda just type whatever the heck is on my brain for the world to read… you’re welcome world. Hahaha. I just kinda figure everyone pretty knows all about us. But then I started thinking, I don’t think I’ve ever really dove into my married life. It was about an entire third of my existence, but I just don’t mention it much here. I’ve talked a little here and there, but nothing major. I have talked about divorce a few times. Mostly, I think that’s because I’m worried my family and friends will think I’m still heartbroken over Crissy. I’m not. Or still in love with her. Again, I’m not. Or hoping that we will ever get back together in the future. Again, again. I’m not. However, I would like to talk about my life and story about us getting while we were together. Not because I miss it or anything. The way I like to describe how I feel about my marriage now like a can of diet soda. At first sip and while you’re drinking it, the taste is refreshing and nice; however, the aftertaste is just disgusting. (Sorry diet soda fans). I mean, it was nice but after experiencing that aftertaste I don’t want another sip. I think it's easy for me to disassociate with my memories of that relationship, because the aftertaste (bad years) was just so gross. However most of those years (which were mostly awesome) played a significant part of my story. Not only during the marriage, but after as well. Most of my adult life was spend with Crissy by my side but I don’t believe many of you know about those years. So I think it’s time to bite the bullet and just start from the beginning. Hopefully as I go along you’ll kind of see my intentions of this post. My goal is for this to be kind of like an Origin Story of the person I am today. J Also, I figured I might as well type this up because I’m starting to forget more and more of this part of my life (not complaining), and one day the kids might ask about me and their mom together, so I can refer to this post as a refresher. I will try to keep it as short as possible, but it might be lengthy. Just FYI.

Crissy and I met a few times before we actually really “met”. We went to high school together. She was a pretty, popular girl. After high school, she started working at Applebee’s where I was already working. So I trained her. We got along well at work, but that was really about it. Finally, one day one of our mutual friends wanted to throw a surprise party for his girlfriend (who was also a mutual friend). So pretty much, he was just “I’m going to distract her today. You two just plan a party by tonight and I will bring her over to be surprised.” Hahaha. So there we were, just two new friends driving around town in my first car.

Anyways after that day we just started hanging out the time. Just friends that eventually evolved into best friends. We are pretty much inseparable. Neither of us had romantic feelings, just best buddies. Well, that kind of changed a few months later, when we took “The Road Trip”. Those few days were some of the craziest in my life. Seriously, I need to post about it soon. I think everyone would really enjoy it. But until then, I’ll give an ultra-brief summary. Our friends, Reed and April, Crissy, and I went on a road trip to the beach one summer. We all just kinda piled in the bus and went. On that trip, it kinda of just hit me. I was in love with her. It was a super strange and nerve wracking feeling. I didn’t say anything on the trip or for a while after. Finally, one day I just told her. She said she didn’t feel the same. I remember lying in bed that night being so heartbroken. Getting your heart crushed at 18 was no fun. L So the next morning, I drove out to her parents’ house to talk to her. She really didn’t want to hear what I had to say on the matter, but I was persistent. I laid it flat out on the table. “Crissy, what chance do I have of us ever getting together?” Her response, “I promise you that you have absolutely zero chance ever. That’s not going to happen.” I appreciated her honesty. I knew it was tough for her too. No one likes to lose a best friend. So I slowly trudged to my bus, got in, cried, and drove home. We kinda of quit talking or seeing each other after that. It was literally us hanging out together 24/7 for months and months to zero communication. It was hard on me, but I got through it.

A few months pass…

I was at work and my manager came and told me I had a phone call. (This is back in day before everyone had cell phones. Don’t you miss those days? :D ) It was Crissy. I was stunned. She asked if I wanted to come over after work. Of course, I said yes! So I went over there and she explained how no one treated the way I did and she missed me. I was happy. Suddenly, we were back on track spending all of our time together. Then one night while we were helping a friend move (Crissy showed up in overalls, a trucker hat, and a painted on beard to look like a “mover” hahaha), she kissed me. I’ll be completely honest. I was stunned. She kept kissing me, and I think my brain and body must have not been able to handle it, because I immediately went to the bathroom and puked! HAHAHAHA. I felt sick the entire next day. It was just a super intense rush of feelings and emotions. She kinda just hung out with me on my parents couch. We both laughed about how I got so excited from kissing her that I puked and had to just lay down for a day and soak all of this in.

So later that afternoon, we went back to our friends new house to help her unpack and move her stuff into her new place. It was very late before we finished. I remember the date. It was July 2, 2004. It was about 2am, and our friend moved by VSU so we decided to just go for a walk around campus. I could tell we both just “knew”. So during the walk I leaned down, picked a wild flower, and asked her to marry me. She said “Yes. Of course.” And that was that. J

We suddenly tried to think of how to explain this to our parents. She was 19; I was 18. How were we supposed to tell them that we were engaged?!? Also, I still needed to officially ask her dad’s permission. So we came up with this secret plan… We told both of our parents we were just dating, so they wouldn’t think we were crazy. Then after a few months, I asked her dad to marry her. He said “Nope.” HAHAHA. I remember sitting there in side by side arm chairs for about an hour trying to convince him to let me marry her. I literally drew little charts explaining how Crissy’s GPA and work performance had improved with us “dating”. Finally, he looked at me super serious and said “Fine, but she’d better not be holding a baby until after she’s walked across that college graduation stage.”

Yay!! I was delighted. This was October 2004. We immediately started planning this wedding. I rented an apartment to have a place for us to rent. That place was a literal dump, but it was all I could afford. It had six foot ceilings, and I’m 6’2. It was pretty much just a tiny, TINY one bedroom apartment. However, it was ultra-cheap and right across the street from the college. This was awesome because we were both in school full time. The day I moved out, my dad took me to the side and made me promise him one thing. He said, “Promise me, that you will both never sleep in that apartment, until you two are married.” I agreed and so thankful for that advice. My dad is such a wise man. However, we were taking all of our classes together and working all of our jobs together. So driving her 25 miles home every night in my bus (that had a top speed of about 40 mph) was just getting kind of old. We both decided we needed to bump the wedding day up. We sat down with her parents and said “Ok. We are moving the wedding date.” Her mom’s response, “THANK GOD!! You two need to be engaged for at least a year.” We both kinda looked at each other and laughingly cringed, replying “No, we are bumping it UP. We are getting married in January 2005.” Hahahaha.

So January came. We were both so excited for the big day. Our wedding was super fun and original I like to believe. It was a 1960’s theme wedding. On the invitations, we encouraged people to dress up if they wanted to. In the foyer of the church, we had face painting, hair wraps, love beads, and a station to leave your shoes so people could go barefoot into the wedding ceremony if they wanted. Crissy and I did everything pretty much from scratch. We tie-dyed sheets to hang in the church. Our friend helped us make the flower arrangements. It was just a fun event. Our friends dressed as pirates and were the door greeters. The ring bearers were some of our friends dressed in full costume as Scooby Doo and the Pink Power Ranger. That was just a really fun day. J

There we were two 19 year old married kids taking all of our college classes and working all of our jobs together (We typically kept about 2-3 jobs while in school to avoid loans and be financially independent.) We spend our free time volunteering around town together.  It was some of the best years of my life. Crissy and I were inseparable. Most of our friends called us “Criss and Sethy”. Those super broke younger married days are the ones I always think of first. We were just living on love, and man we were in love.

Finally, when we were college seniors Crissy accidentally ended up pregnant; however, I did keep my promise to her dad. She did not walk across that stage holding a baby. She just walked across it 8 months pregnant. Hahahaha!! I was so excited to become a “daddy”. I always wanted to have kids. In March 2008, we welcomed our little Stevie Joy into the world. We kept her a surprise, but I was convinced she was a boy that we were going to name “Titus”. Crissy got a full time job working for Babies Can’t Wait. We built a house. I decided to go back for my masters. It was a time of big changes, but Crissy and I were tighter than ever. I remember once, I went out of town for a few days, and she called me every day of that trip crying. Not because she was stressed about having a baby by herself, but because she just wanted me to be there with them.

You can identify the child by my glasses frames :)

Months pass. We sell our house, and I graduate with my Masters. Soon we find out that Stevie is going to have a little sister. So in July of 2009, Neela Grace was brought into the world. I start looking for a job as a K-12 Library Media Specialist, but couldn’t find any for a long time. I remember becoming pretty depressed during this time. I just remember a thinking that a man needed to provide. The best I could get was a part time job at a local private school. The pay was hardly anything, but at least it was some actual experience. My spirits were really low. One specific thing that always comes to mind during this time frame was Crissy coming to sit in my lap, picking up my head, looking me dead in the eyes and saying “Seth. I love you more than you understand. I’m proud of you. Don’t stress over this job. Let’s just love each other, love people, and love Jesus.” It was such a tender moment that I felt truly so blessed to have her in my life.

Eventually, I get a job at Wiregrass GA Technical College (formerly Valdosta Technical College). The pay was minimal, but at the time I WANTED that job. I would have a REAL job. They called me into do three different interviews. I didn’t hear anything for a while after that, so I started to become depressed again, until I got the call!! I got the job, and we were officially rich! Hahaha. Soon after, I finally got my “Titus”. We moved into a little house that was formerly her granddads. Besides the crappy apartment, 603 E. Stanfill Street holds the fondest memories. We were just this little family that was completely in love with each other. I can’t really express how close we were then. We led a marriage group a church and were constantly asked for marriage advice from people. I just remember playing in our backyard and my heart feeling so full.

After about two years, we move out of our Hahira house and into my parents’ old house to help take care of my grandmother. They moved to Alabama but my Mimi lived in a mother-in-law suite attached to their house. This was also a fun time in our married life. We were just a family living on the farm and now expecting our last child, Olive!! The kids loved living there. To be honest, so did I. Then our life changed again when I was offered my current job at Valdosta State University. The pay was significantly much more which was exciting. So exciting in fact, that we decided to buy a second home from her dad. (He is a contractor and sold us both of our houses for very cheap. Her parents are such blessings still to this day.)

There we were. We finally made it to official adulthood. Both with good paying professional jobs, a little stair step patch of kids, and a brand new super nice house. I know what really happened next, but we kind of became a little more distant. I was working more and she was busy with her job (she worked two days a week) and being a mommy. We were still very close and happily married, but I think we could both feel something was off.

Time passed and she started going out with friends more and more at night, while I stayed home with the kids. This led to arguments, which resulted in marital conflict. We never had this happen before. I mean, we fought from time to time, but never like this. She started drifting off more and more frequently. Meanwhile, I was becoming more and more bitter about my wife leaving me all the time to be with her friends. We both made mistakes during this time. Not pointing any blame. There are always two sides to every story, but finally it came to the point that I was with the kids alone pretty much all of the time besides when I was working. That was a tough time for me. She started hinting for a divorce, but I always said that I would never ever agree to that. We loved each other and needed to build our marriage back up. The situation grows progressively worse. Days, weeks, months pass. By now I’m doing the kids solo and Crissy has moved out. No one knows anything. I keep up a social media appearance that we are still a happy couple. When we happen to see each other, things usually erupt. I’m just so broken and hurt that my best friend just left me. This is only escalated by the fact that I’m pretty much I total train wreck raising four kids on my own. Still, I hold on to the hope that this marriage would be healed. I’m constantly talking privately with a small group friends and counselors trying to work out my brokenness.

Then, one day I just feel this sudden peace. That was God btw. We stopped fighting. He molded me from an “interrogator” into an “encourager”.  I was positive that I would be able to keep things together and protect her reputation so it was be a seamless transition into our happy harmony again. I was beginning to get the hang of being a single working dad/full time parent of four. Every single night, I would sit for hours and pray for her, our marriage, and our kids. However, it seemed the more healing I found, the further Crissy drifted away from the kids and me. We hardly saw her. Still I had peace and was able to show that peace to the kids. Remember, Crissy used to be the most legit mom ever. Having her fade away from their lives was almost too much too watch. However like I said, me and “my crew” as I started to call them found peace in midst of the storm. I learned little techniques to help them cope with everything that was going on. Soon, it was like she was kinda just gone completely, but we were still married.  

Although I felt peace, it was still heart breaking. More and more people began to call me with “Crissy stories” and questions about what was going on. My fear of divorce slowly faded into an actual thought “what if it happened?” I began to pray more and more about this. Not trying to spread gossip, but Biblically speaking I had firm ground to stand on in the case of divorce.  Then my worry was “What if I lose the kids.” Honestly, how many dads of four with full time jobs get custody? So I started praying. I felt God telling me to fast (not eat) for two days and truly put my whole heart into praying and listening for an answer. Then driving home from work (I remember the time of day and the exact spot of the road I was driving), I felt God tell me “You’ve done well”. I knew it was time to file. The process was so nerve-wracking. I lost so much weight from just being so overwhelmed that I literally never had an appetite. Those months were the most anxious times in my life. I was constantly worried that Crissy would get the kids. However in the end, she agreed that I should have primary custody and she would get every other weekend visitations. Praise God!! The kids and I had become so unbelievably tight throughout the past few years of walking through this together that I couldn’t imagine not having them with me. It was an answer to prayer. I was and still am elated with the outcome.

I just keep on keeping on. Just “living the dream” (my go to response for questions about life). Life became such a fun thing. I was living this incredibly unique gift of a life that was filled with the craziest stories of the most awesome kids in the entire world. Every day seemed to be an adventure. However, I did feel sad at times that I didn’t have anyone to share all of these crazy stories and silly experiences with.  Then one night, I thought to myself “You know what? I’m not just going to sit around and wait for a wife to share this stuff. I’m gonna stuff putting this stuff online. If nothing else, it will be a fun way to remember things for when the kids grow up.” That was the beginning of the blog you are reading now. Yay! Fun, right ;)

So yeah, that’s my Origin Story. I love the person I am. I love my kids. I love the life I have. I love the God I serve.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Seth

Megow Kids Q&A - The Kids Describe My Future Wife

These little question and answer sessions with my kids are my favorite kind of post. I'm always on the lookout for a new theme to ask them about. I recently saw this idea on a blog I follow and thought it would be perfect to include the kids on…

"The Kids Describe my Future Wife"

What is her job?

Stevie- “Just have a lot of cats.”

Neela- “She will just walk around our house and look all around and look at the mess we make and say, ‘Well, I guess this is my job now’…”

Titus- “Taking care of us. Making us feel safe. Loving us. And keeping her promises.”

Olive- “A teacher. And a police officer. And make cookies.”



What does she look like?

Stevie- “It doesn't matter what she looks like as long as she loves Jesus, loves daddy, and loves us. That’s what really matters.”

Neela- "She needs to dye her hair rainbow colored and look like *name kept private for confidentially purposes*. She is the prettiest girl."

Titus – “She looks like someone I can trust. And she smiles a lot.”

Olive – “She has hair like me. She has pretty legs and green eyes.”



What does she smell like?

Stevie- “Pizza”

Neela- “Blueberries”

Titus- “Pretty Peach Perfume”

Olive- “Chick-fil-A”



What are her hobbies?

Stevie- “Drawing with me. And making clay cats.”

Neela- “Playing croquet dressed like a sea lion .”

Titus- “Helping people and hugging us.”

Olive- “Eating snacks and having fun with daddy.”



What is her bad habit?

Stevie- “Smelling like Neela.”

Neela- “She doesn’t like frogs.”

Titus- “She only likes plain pretzels and not pretzels and hummus.”

Olive- “She doesn't brush her teeth.”



What is her favorite food?

Stevie- “Chick-fil-A”

Neela- “Edamame”

Titus- “All of the food”

Olive- “Popcorn”



Where should dad take her for a first date?

Stevie- “Take her to the Fun Factory and then Cici’s pizza.”

Neela- “Take her to a farm with a lot of aminals.”

Titus- “Take her to Disney World.”

Olive- “Daddy gets in his car and follows her to her house. And then goes into her house.”



What is her favorite movie?

Stevie- “Anything funny that is in the theatre. She likes to see funny movies in the theatre.”

Neela- “Home Alone.”

Titus- “Moana.”

Olive- *Falls out of chair. Completely motionless and with her face buried flat against the carpet she mutters* “Princess movies.”



Who is funnier? Her or Dad?

Stevie- “Dad.”

Neela- “Her.”

Titus- “Both. You are the same funny.”

Olive- “Me.”



Where is her favorite place?

Stevie- “Anywhere with daddy and me.”

Neela- “The Hockey Rink.”

Titus- “Our house.”

Olive- “McDonalds play place.”



What does she like to do on Saturdays?

Stevie- “Lay with me and eat snacks with me.”

Neela- *stands on table and sticks both arms straight up in the air* “Adopting a new dog every Saturday.”

Titus- “She does magic tricks.”

Olive- “Pick flowers at the park.”



How will you know that she is the perfect person for dad?

Stevie- “If she loves Jesus and is nice. And makes daddy smile..”

Neela- “She wears glasses.”

Titus- “She loves Jesus and is nice to daddy and is nice to us.”

Olive- “She plays with my toys with me and I hug her three times.”

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Seth

My Ideal Mate

Recently, I’ve been dealing with some drama and stuff regarding my ex. I originally was going to type up a post about all of that crap. However, I feel like it’s not really anything I want to discuss at the moment, and more importantly it’s my nature to look more towards the future than the past. So in this post, I want to talk about something I have never really discussed in depth before on the blog… my ideal mate.

Let me start off by saying this is in no means and advertisement for myself looking for dates. Nor is it a statement that I am ultra desire a girlfriend/wife at the moment. I think it’s more something for myself. I hope people don’t view this as desperation, because I can assure you it’s not. I just think people are just curious about my little crew and our situation. People ask me a lot about remarriage or dating. Normally, I just have my typically stock answers for those questions; however one question always stumps me, “What are you looking for in a wife.” Hmmm… Every time I get asked I normally just deflect it by cracking a fart joke. I really never really thought deeply about the issue. I think that’s why I wanted to type this up. So I’m about to wing the crap outta this thing and hopefully, we can all figure this out together we as go along.

So first things first. I’m looking for a partner and wife. Not a mom for my kids. Personally, I think it’s a big mistake going down the “finding a new parent for your kids” route. My kids will grow up. I want a connection besides my kids. However on the flip, I’m very attracted to someone with a compassionate heart and nurturing spirit when it comes to my kids. I’m not looking for a replacement mom for my kids. However, someone to fall in love with them as they are falling in love with me would be my dream. We are kinda a package deal ;)

That brings up the topic of single parenting. Realistically, I would like to find a single parent. I can’t even being to comprehend the challenges of blended families, but I just know I would like to not be the only ones bringing kids into the mix. People never end up as a single parent without some sort of sadness in their story. The kids and I have our own little story. This results in various behaviors, insecurities, self-doubts, flaws, etc. I just feel it would be mutually beneficial to have someone that kind of “gets it”. I need someone to not only be patient with my kids as they work through stuff, but me as well. I’ve worked through my divorce. I’m healthy and whole in that area; however, there was a lot of hurt. I’m sure things will pop up and I need someone patient and accepting.

But let’s talk more about the traits that I love. One of the things I truly love in people is selflessness and humility. In a world of selfies and materialism, it’s something that I feel is such a rare thing to find. I love when I notice these little traits of love in someone from their actions. They don’t purposefully talk about themselves. They love just to love. Not for recognition or reward. Just being Jesus to people. No frills. No fancy title. No reward. I can’t think of someone I love more.

Another thing I love is a serene and fulfilled spirit. Just FYI,  I’m not super big on money. It’s nice to have for fun special events, but I’m not looking for a highlight reel marriage. You know what I mean, just living from big event to big event. I’m more interested in a Tuesday night marriage. I want someone that is fulfilled with quiet times spent together. Someone who is more interested in intimate moments like laying on the couch reading a book while I play with her hair and write a blog post than someone who is constantly looking forward to the weekend. I think the best way to summarize this is that I want someone who enjoys each day as a gift.

Kindness and gentleness is a big one for me. I freaking melt when a see a tender heart. I’m a sucker for a women like that. I like a woman with deep emotions. From what I’ve seen deep emotions are my favorite. It results in deep fulfillment and deep satisfaction. I’m attracted to a sensitive heart. I mean everyone has their own tastes, so don’t think this is the “right way or wrong way” to be, but a sensitive woman is just so feminine and I love that. However, I will say… I also like my women with a feisty side. I guess I like a woman that could be described as the sweetest little woman, but someone you don’t want to piss off. Hahaha

Also, I would love to find someone with an artistic side. The world that God made is so beautiful. I think it’s so neat when people can capture that with whatever their chosen medium. I like when the artistic side of someone flows into their personality and gives them a quirky, one of kind little personality. I enjoy quirky. However, to bounce of off that completely, I am also looking for a “planner”. I’m very happy to bounce from moment to moment. Although there’s a lot of good to be found in how I live and think, someone to reign me in from time to time would be nice :)

I’m big on love languages. It’s one of the first things I try to pick up whenever I’m around someone new. I know my kids love languages and work them into my daily parenting. As a spouse, it’s super big for me to be aware of these. I want someone to recognize mine and make an effort for me to feel loved. My past marriage was hell to walk through and I’ve been a single parent for so long, having someone make a point to make me feel valued in a relationship would be nice.

Hmmmm… what’s next. Oh yeah. Humor. I freaking love to laugh. I would like someone who gets my humor. Also, I mean they don’t have to be hilarious per se, but someone who could make me laugh would be nice.

Can you tell I’m just winging this? I never really sat down to type it up before. What’s next… I like people who have their own interests and passions. I’m not looking for someone to just like everything I like or want to do everything I do. Why would I want to be with myself? I’m not that cool. I want to be able to learn about your interests and things you are passionate about. :)

Since I’ve been a single dad for quite a while, I’ve grown pretty independent. I want someone who’s also someone independent (another reason for a single mom). I want space to do things with my kids at times. However, one of my two big love languages are quality time. So while, I like to have my me time, I also want someone who wants and makes it point to spend together. I know that’s ultra confusing. I don’t like someone who is super clingy, but views me as valuable enough want to be around me more than not.  I want to know someone wants to talk and spend time with me.

I love when people are themselves. Seriously, I absolutely love it. I’m not talking about being different just to be different. I’m talking about when you are just you. You pick your clothes because it’s how you want to dress. You cultivate your hobbies because you truly enjoy them. (Take for example, how I’m drifting into the second person point of view by using “you” a lot in this post. I know it’s grammatically incorrect, but it’s how I feel like typing it. So that means I’m just gonna do it). I like when people own who they are.

Ok. I guess I will need to discuss the various things I am physically attracted to. Here’s what I’m attracted to: A sweet smile that results in squinty little eyes, someone wearing their natural hair color, someone who has tiny little features about them that are different. Basically, I love a cute woman. I’m not really big on “sexy”. I don’t know if I have an exact taste though.

All this being said, I think I’m kind of picky? Maybe it’s because I’m not really looking at the moment. However, I just kind of know I’m ready. Mostly due to the fact that I’m happily single. I think me and my kids have many areas of improvement, but for the most part, we have our little life on lockdown. We don’t NEED a woman, which is nice because I don’t feel pressure to find one nor would feel pressured bringing someone into our lives. It’s just a weird feeling I’ve been having lately. Like I might be in a relationship sooner than later. I can’t really explain it. It’s just this gut feeling, and I’m pretty at peace about it.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
Seth

My Faith and Hearing God

My faith is pretty much the core of who I am. I love knowing I am loved by a God who knows everything about me. The older I recognize the importance of having an intimate relationship with Him. I love to teach my kids about it at a young age and seeing the effect of their understanding of loving Christ and others as Christ has on the way they live.

There are many things that I love about loving Jesus. There’s the peace. It was a time that I was struggling to find joy and peace. Although my marriage was falling apart, I still had so many blessings constantly pouring into my life. I was just so so sad. I started reading my Bible more and having late night talks with my Papa. I wanted so bad to be fulfilled, but my spirit and hope was utterly broken. I still remember vividly being in my office at work crying and my dad called me to check in. I vented a little and he encouraged me to read the Book of Esther. So I did. I read it a lot. The truth in those few pages pretty much got me through my divorce. It really opened my eyes to my self-worth.   My heart was slowly being filled up with love and peace that only God could give.

Another reason I love serving God is the joy. I grew up as a Christian and was so grateful that He died to save me. I’m not the best person and ultra-flawed in many ways.  But, I was a fun and happy person. That was always part of who I was; however, the past few years when my life kind of fell apart from underneath me, I really pressed into that relationship deeper than I had before.  I always felt I was a pretty happy person, but when all the crap hit the fan, I was not a fun person to be around. I was still praying and having this quiet intimate time daily, but just couldn’t find my joy. Finally, I figured out I needed to quit telling God what I needed to be happy. My prayer and worship time became very simple after that. I just decided that my current approach was really getting me nowhere. I started just thanking God and instead of focusing on these specific prayer requests, I just loved Him and felt Him love on me. After a while of shifting my focus on what (I thought I needed to be happy), to just loving Jesus and loving people I experienced a joy and fulfillment I never even knew existed. Now that’s not saying I don’t get down in the dumps from time to time, I promise I do; however, now I understand how to find it back again. I guess I kind of view it like when my kids ask to do things that I know as a father would be bad for them. They keep asking and I keep trying to explain that I have something better. At times, their minds seem so caught up with doing and obtaining this particular thing that they are so distracted from me trying to explain how those won’t result in anything good. Also, they miss out on the fun things I have planned for them. They are so busy being upset; they aren’t paying attention to what I’m trying to tell them.

One of my favorite things about having an intimate relationship with God is hearing Him speak to me. I hear and learn things from reading, prayer, and worship. My favorite though is when I just feel something in my heart randomly click and make sense. Normally, they are just little, ordinary things. They just blow my mind when they happen. I seriously love the idea of God talking to me through everyday activities and people. I want to describe two of these little moments.

The first happened a few months ago. I was a bit upset about how certain things were happening in my life. In my heart I knew I wanted to be a husband again almost more than anything. I was just stuck in this single dad stage and getting a little tired of it to be quite honest… So we were at a local park. The kids were just running around playing. While this was going on I was just sitting on a bench watching them. My mind was racing with thoughts about our future as a family. Suddenly, I look over and I see this elderly gentlemen just sitting on a park bench. For some reason, my eyes just fixated on him. He was smiling just looking off into space. I started to wonder what he might be thinking about to give such a big, peaceful smile. While I was just sitting their observing Him, I felt God speak to me. It was a really strong rush of emotions. He said “Seth when you are an old man sitting on a park bench, what will thoughts and memories will you be thinking about ?” The question made me think. I’m sure I will smile and think of good times growing up. I started to wonder though, will I be thinking about good times I had with Crissy or will it be with my next wife? Then God nailed me with His Answer. He told me, “This season of your life is a rare gift. Enjoy it. Yes, you had a wonderful marriage with Crissy and I’m preparing such a wonderful bride for you, but you will never experience another time in your life like this.” Suddenly, I snapped back into reality. He was right (duh Seth). I have an amazing gift given to me. I’m never going to get this true experience again. Just me and my four babes living life together. Ever since that day, I quit focusing on getting remarried. I truly try to cherish this time. Being able to just enjoy this experience fills me with such peace. When I’m an old man sitting on a park bench, I’m sure I will think back on these few years and have the big wide grin.

The second thing happened in Wal-Mart. It was a Sunday afternoon, and I decided to go grocery shopping. I was just walking around with all four kids loaded up in the shopping cart. We were just chatting and shopping when I walked by the jewelry counter. I immediately stopped and was glued to this little family picking out jewelry. It was clear they didn’t have much money, but they all seemed to wearing their nicest clothes. Honestly, to most of us the jewelry at Walmart is simple as that, Walmart Jewelry. Just cheap jewelry of no real value. This family though was so dramatically excited about the experience. The man was talking to the associate behind the counter and having her pull various earrings out to inspect. Every pair that was laid on the counter, he picked up carefully and inspected thoroughly before showing each pair to his kids to get their opinion. So it hit me, he was buying his wife a new pair of earrings. There seemed to be no buggy, nor anything else they had shopped for in the store. This was evidently a very special event for their family. I see by the look on his face the pride of being able to select and buy his wife this little set of earrings. It was clearly something he had worked so hard to afford. Finally, he and his kids picked a pair. He paid for them and handed them to his wife. She put them in her ears and instantly broke out into the most enormous smile. I began looking at her examine the earrings she had just received in the jewelry counter mirror. I could see how valuable she felt to receive them. She looked as if she felt like the most cherished person in the world. The wife then looked at her husband, burst out crying, and threw her arms around his neck. Their kids were just saying over and over how beautiful their mom looked. Then they all just walked out of the store with such joy.

I just stood there thinking about what I just witnessed. Suddenly, I felt God chime in. He told me “What you just saw was true love in its purest form.” I realized how much work that man had put in and money he saved, only to just give it away. But the result of giving and blessing his wife resulted in the most unbridled joy I had even seen a human experience in every single member of their family. I felt God saying, “That’s how much I want you to love others. Don’t worry about how others view the quality of your gift. I want you to work hard and give it your best. People aren’t concerned with your gift being ‘Walmart Jewelry’, they are looking at your personal sacrifice. Give the best you can give. Try the hardest you can try. I want you to spread joy. Also, I am so proud of you.”  Needless to say I started balling in the middle of the store. Actually, I tear up every time I think of that moment (which is quite often). God isn’t looking for me to do these miraculous things on a daily basis. He wants me to give everything I have. Knowing that my Papa is proud of me is pretty much the best feeling I know.

God loves the person He made and is so very proud of you. J

Be Blessed,

Seth

The Single in "Single Dad"

So… This is probably the most awkward thing I have ever done in my entire life. Well, actually that honor goes to the time that Neela asked why those two cheetahs were dancing funny on that National Geographic Documentary.

“Uuuhhhh, I don’t know Neela. I think he’s trying to get a flea off of her neck with his tongue.”

Sorry, I gotta go back to the cheetah one more time. That picture reminded me of this scene from Lion King. I didn’t really notice it as a kid, but when I watched it as an adult with my children, I just stared at the screen and looked over at my sweet little innocent girls in horror at what they were viewing.

“Dang Nala, slow your roll kid....Wait, what the heck is this movie rated?!”

So now that I have officially covered my little kids watching cartoon animals about to have sex and real animals actually having sex, let’s segue into the most appropriate topic of all… my love life. HAHAHAHAHA

Apparently, there’s this singles thing on a blog where people can nominate or enter you for other people to look at. My friend Emily (my self-appointed matchmaker) signed me up. She asked me if I wanted to write and talk about myself. I laughed out loud. That would probably sound like this:

“Hi, I’m Seth. I have kids who like to make fart sounds with their apple sauce at dinner. I enjoy saying complete random things to strangers in elevators and public speaking (well, the speaking part would probably turn into impressions and then that would just turn into some song I would make up about a stain on the carpet). Speaking of interesting stains, at work there was a coffee stain in the back stairwell of my building. I named him Brian. Unfortunately after some time, a custodian saw him and wiped him up. Then out of some miracle a new stain appeared. I named this one Francisco. Pet floor stains are like pets. You can’t replace one after it passes, but getting a new one can help with the grieving process. Anyways, I keep Francisco covered up with a leaf to avoid prying eyes looking to remove him from my life. Oh yeah and I am 6’2.”

So yeah, the idea of my promoting myself on any kind of romantic thing would be a disaster. But Emily took it on herself to write something up and post it. I’m not really sharing it for any reason other than say thanks to my friend for thinking enough of me to be concerned with me being a 72 year old bachelor purposely spilling my coffee in the nursing home with my left hand while reading through a list of choices for my new friend out of the baby names book in my right hand.  

Feel free to check the post she wrote here.

Now another reason I wanted to talk about this is because I have quite a few single friends and thought they might like to do the same thing as well. I’m really not the best at explaining things, but pretty much this blog hosts it every year around Valentine’s Day. People just enter their family/friends/themselves (I guess) and apparently like a crazy amount of people look at it. I’m not exactly sure of the rules, but here is the site that it’s all hosted on. Check it out if you want to put a profile up yourself. It all explained pretty simple and seems pretty well organized. 

You’ll see a bunch of pictures of people. Those people each have little write-ups linked to their pictures (like the one Emily did for me). If anything else, it’s fun knowing that we aren’t the only single people in the world, right? I’m sure we’ll all meet someone one day J Don’t worry; have faith! If you doubt that it might not happen, just take a peek at one of the classic romances of our time for true love's inspiration.

1) Boy meets girl by chatting online with hot babes all day

2) True love starts to bloom

3) He learns sometimes you have to wait...

4) The first meeting. Love at first sight.

5) She opens his heart and mind to his true potential

6) Wedded Bliss

Finally, if you are one of the people that got sent here from Emily’s write up about me, Welcome! Me and the blog readers here are pretty cool. You’ll catch on pretty quick to phrases like “Nature Neela”, "Friday Fun Facts" and “Poop”.

Be Blessed

-Seth

(Ex)changes

This post isn’t specifically for divorced people; it’s for pretty much anyone who has had a serious relationship end. However, I’m going to give me take on this topic (which is having a divorced ex and kids with that person).

I don’t think anyone would deny the concept of having an Ex is just freaking weird. No matter your current relationship with that person, it’s just a little strange. Not only do they know pretty much everything good about you, but since you’ve broken up, it’s pretty evident that things went south and they’ve pretty seen the worst of you. I think that’s why I wanted to post this. I’ve seen people that have wonderful (as much as possible) relationships with their ex; on the contrast, I’ve seen others that literally terrify me. Hahahaha.

Ok. I'm going to leave to get some coffee....

You guys want some coffee?

Will both of you be alive when I get back?

As an Ex, you pretty much have as much ammo you could ever want to destroy each other. You know the inner workings of each other. You know how each other’s minds work. You know what makes each other tick. However, on the flip side, you know how to calm them down. You know what makes them happy. You have mutual happy memories together. (Again, this is for me mostly and I know every situation is different. I’m talking in general here. If it was a serious domestic abuse case or something serious, please know I’m not referring to those types of situations).   I’m just saying in general, there are good and bad things we can focus on.

There just seems to be two ways of handling things here. Use the bad for hate or use the good for love. Especially, if there are children involved. When I look at my kids, I can kind of gauge how I’m treating Crissy. They need to see their dad treat their mom with love, respect, and honoring her position as their mother. I mean, she’s not my spouse anymore, but she will always be their mom. Seeing my kids loving their mom and keeping that relationship as tight as possible is one of my main goals. I wanted to just kind of share what I do to keep as much peace as possible in that relationship and those interactions. Now, I screw it up from time to time just like anyone would. These are just my tips for myself that I have found produce the healthiest (ex) relationship and mental state for myself.

1) Think about my kids.

That’s pretty much always at the top. As I said earlier, kids should never hear anything negatively slung around about either of their parents. My kids are pretty uniformed about the situation and I tend to always keep it that way. As they grow older and begin to ask questions about what happened between mom and dad, I will probably mostly touch on things I could have done better. If they want to know specifics about things from mom’s view point, I will provide short, brief answers, but encourage them to talk to their mom. I really don’t want my kids to ever hear me talk about their mom. Even if they might not know all the facts, they will know that dad and mom freaking love the crap out of them.  It’s our job as parents to make sure that is clearly evident. Also, how refreshing must it be to be able to share a fun story about mom or dad with the other parent and have it received with equal joy? Kids shouldn’t be scared to talk about their parents.

2) Don’t harp on bad memories or regrets

The kids of course are my number one reason to keep things friendly. However, this tactic is probably my best way of ensuring we look forward. Now, let me just say this. I know some of you might be thinking that you have memories so bad you could never move past them. I get that. I still wake up sometimes from dreams that I’m reliving certain events. There are horrible. But it’s our choice to allow those things to shape and define the relationship we choose to make. Even if there is no relationship or communication at all, I think it’s so healthy to find some kind of peace in your mind about whatever happened.  It’s like that little life lesson.

Whatever you do, make sure right now that you do NOT think of a blue rubber duck.

Don’t think about that little blue rubber duck.

It’s pretty much impossible to do that. Just to shut off thoughts entirely; however, it is possible (for me anyway) to change my pattern of thinking.

Let’s think about a delicious taco.

See how yummy that looks. J

Whenever, I have negative thoughts pop into my head about Crissy, I immediately try to pray and replace those with some positive ones. At first, there was so much negative, it seemed almost impossible to replace bad memories with good ones. I kept at it. I thought about funny stories and little things like that. Granted, I don’t advise doing this if you are still in love with this person. If you haven’t moved on, you might be torturing yourself. Hahahaha. This stuff is just for couples that are clearly not in love any longer.  Also, I don’t try to “love” memories of us as a couple. I try to replace bad things with memories of her being a good mom and a good friend. That really helped me move her in my mind from “my ex who drove me crazy” to “the mom of my kids and one of the best friends I have ever had”.

3) Just accept that sometimes it’s a one way street

Fortunately for me, Crissy and I have found a bit of common ground and some of our friendship back. It’s not like it was and never will be. But it’s nice being able to work together for the kids and for our own emotions. But that was not always the case. There were times I felt I was forgiving and fighting to keep peace by myself. That junk sucks. Seriously, it is the worst.  

It took me a long time to learn that I’m just responsible for myself. As long as I was doing the best I honestly can, I felt peace. If I said something rude or lost my temper, I apologized. If I felt hurt or betrayed, I just forgave her. Some things, I might never receive a specific apology for. That’s totally fine with me, because how the heck I am not for forgive. Everyone has done crap to other people. True forgiveness is refreshing to the forgiver. That won’t erase the scars, but it can erase the bitterness. Ask me how I know.

I remember one day a year or two ago, I was super hurt and upset about something that had happened. I was talking to my friend Nicole and she gave me an analogy that I think about quite often to this day. I was describing a particular incident and how much of a gaping hole I felt from it. She told me this little story about a tree. When it was younger, it got cut up and damaged. At the time, the scars took up a huge part of the little tree; however as the tree kept growing the scars never shrank, but they seemed smaller and smaller compared to the massive and healthy size of the tree. I try not to let things in the past stump my growth. Really personal, spiritual, and emotional growth is one of the best things I’ve found to make those scars seem smaller in my life. That, in turn, results in a better outlook on the relationship with Crissy and a brighter hope for the future as we continue to co-parent our children.

Be blessed and know you're awesome!

Seth  

My Divorce - Closing the Book

Well, here's another personal post. I'll try to work some humor into it. As always, I'm just sitting down with not any thought of what I am going to write so we'll see where this goes ;) PS. I always just sit and type, hence the multitude of grammatical errors. Proofreading's not my thing.

Yup. I'm write and immediately "publish" kind of dude :D

"I'm not in love with you anymore".  I'm sure at some point in our lives, many of us have probably heard that. If you haven't Praise God and I hope that you never do. But for those of us that have, it's the worst. I've had a lot of people ask about my divorce. I tend to keep that stuff private. Plus, it would just be my side of things. So I don't think it would be a fair assessment or opinion to share publicly. However, I will say that the best way I can describe the feeling of having a spouse or significant other you have shared your life and most intimate parts of yourself with is similar to when I found out that I was going to be a father. Except the exact opposite. When I figured I was going to be a daddy for the first time, I my stomach was churning with emotions, nervousness, anticipation, and a ton of other feelings; however, I knew it would result in life and joy. On the other hand, when I figured out I was getting a divorce, I was suddenly filled with more emotions than I could even possibly fathom and I knew that the outcome was going to be the death of my perceived hopes and dreams for my future. I'm a big picture thinker. So I had already planned out our retirement plans (passing out free balloon animals and stickers at festivals. Side note, there is hardly ever anything free for kids anymore at those things) , grandparent names (Pootie and Nena), and my 50th anniversary wedding present. Having that ripped away was tough. I felt like I tried every single thing I could to make it work, but in the end, it just didn't.

So there I was a single dad of four kids. Not much family living near me and a whole lot of sadness. Side note: I really don't like when people tell people who don't have children going through a divorce, "at least you don't have kids." I couldn't imagine losing a child (it has to be the worst and more horrific thing on the planet). In my mind, that's like telling a parent who just lost a child "At least, you still have other kids." Divorce sucks. Plain and simple. It sucks if you have kids or if you don't. It sucks if you have been married for 1 year and sucks if you have been married for 40 years. I mean, yes in some aspects, I found some sort of relieve. There was many issues way out of my control. Cutting free from that was somewhat freeing. But there's just so much emotion, it seems impossible to find joy. You feel guilty for feeling relieve. You feel sad that you're not going to have that person by your side. You feel fear that you're not valuable as a mate. You feel anger that you've been wronged by that person. Seriously, it's just crazy trying to process it.

Granted my situation was a bit different, I had time to process many emotions during the last year of our marriage, I felt like the divorce would be easier for me. Was I right? In some ways, yes. Soon after that I found out I was really just kind of numb and still needed to process a lot of stuff. I think the best decision I made was going through DivorceCare. One it was nice being in a safe place to vent and be around people just as confused, sad, angry, depressed, etc. as I was. There little videos we watched that were surprisingly insightful, and then we had our discussion time. Everyone talked. No one really holds back, but everything is met with love, care, and practical advice. One of the biggest things I got out of it is that I was allowed to deal with these emotions. As I said in my previous posts about divorce, before all of this started I was pretty much the typical man. I didn't really feel much emotion and when I did, I did not know how to process it. Breaking down that barrier to actually feel things and understand them was a big step. Guys tend to just bottle that kind of stuff up. That really wasn't healthy for me. Because eventually those feelings would find their way out and that was never pretty because I had no clue how to control them. The class helped me lay all that stuff on the table and helped me deal with it head on. Another thing that really stuck out to me what the idea of really taking at least a year before jumping into any new relationships. Actually, I did develop feelings for someone during that year wait, but nothing ever happened from it. I'm glad it didn't. Staying single and focusing on improving me, my relationship with God, and my relationship with my kids was a life saver. You are trying to pick up the pieces of yourself and your life after it was pretty much blown to bits. Trying to build something new, before you have yourself complete is a recipe for disaster in my opinion. I learned I have to just love me for me. I had been married ten years, so much of my personality was tied to Crissy that it was hard for me to figure out who "Seth" was. For so long it was "Seth and Crissy", that I kind of needed a reminder that I'm still complete just being "Seth".

So it's been about a year since my divorce. I can honestly say I feel amazing. Yes, I'm completely unsure of what my future holds, but I can't explain how incredible it feels to be able to drive past places where we had our first kiss and not get sad or seeing a place that I've heard rumors about and not get angry. Mostly, it's nice not feeling numb. People tell me sometimes to "remember the good and forget the bad". Well, to be frank. That's just horrible advice, hahaha :D I can't make myself forget things. However, I can come to the point where when a memory like that comes up, I can just think how much God had his hand on improving my life from that particular point in my life and how much I have grown from that specific event.

Mostly, I thank God that He's stuck by me this long. I felt I've grown so much over the past year. (Note to past Seth: you can be kinda a jerk sometimes and you need to have more fun in life). Seriously, I can't remember being this happy in a long time. I think I'm really starting to find my stride here ;) Throughout my entire life, I wanted to know my purpose or calling. Like besides being a husband and dad. I never could quite grasp it. One thing that I feel was the "lightbulb turning on" was dicovering my depth of empathy I feel I was gifted with but never bothered to grow or focus on. Once I started to feel empathy towards people, it radically altered my life. I guess I got so caught up with my great marriage and awesome kids, I couldn't really understand the need for it. Now though, I love being empathic. I mean I'm not trying to sound braggy. I just feel it's one my the main ways I've grown. Everyone has gifts and strengths, we just have to find out what they are. I found mine through prayer and more prayer.

I love the fact that I love myself. I love the fact that I feel I make a difference by making people smile and laugh. Nothing feels better than giving an encouraging word and doing a small act of kindness for someone you can sense might need it. Back to my purpose, I finally found it. It's encouragement. As my papa liked to say "Brighten the corner where you are". People can sense true joy and contentment. I've had friends in my life that were bubbling with joy and I was so jealous of it ;) I wanted to just be "that happy". Well, I might not be there yet, but I do think I'm learning to be!

I feel like I've walked through the most horrific, waking nightmare, but I'm finally awake from it. I can talk openly about how I screwed up, how I got hurt, and how it affected the kids without spiraling back down into that dark place. I look forward to everyday now! I love seeing my co-workers and telling a stupid joke or helping fix a problem that might not be in the job description. I love staying up at night writing silly stories about me and the kids on the blog. I love seeing my friends who I have been hiding from because previously I was afraid I couldn't handle being around them because it would remind me of times Crissy and I hung out with them together.

My kids are happy and healthy. They have grown in ways that astonish me. Even at their young age, their compassion and love for life amazes me every day. Each of them have their own memories and views on how things went down, but at the end of the day they are confident that God, Dad, and Mom love them very much. While they miss mom, they truly love her dearly and I make it a point to keep that alive everyday.

Now that I found my way out of all the crap and my kids are healthy, here's the million dollar question... What's next in terms of adding another Megow (or several Megows) to our crazy little clan. I don't really know. For the longest, I constantly beat myself up about it. Who in their right mind would want to be with a dude who was divorced with four small kids? I think now that God and my friends have shown me who amazingly awesome my kids are and rebuilt me in a way that I can be proud of, I think who in their right mind wouldn't want to join our clan? ;) For so long, I had this little formula of different traits and positions in life, I thought I should be looking for. Well turns out Ole' Seth isn't the match maker genius he thought he was. About a month ago, I just told God that I'm through putting prospective women through all of my filters that I thought would work well into my family. I just verbally out loud told God "Geez, you've brought me this far. I'm sure you can find me someone who I can love, who loves me, loves my kids, and loves You. Also God, I dont want to be picky but I would really appreciate it if they had a cute smile, enjoyed poop jokes, loved having their feet rubbed at night."

So I guess that's all. I'm so excited to see what He has in store for me and my crew. Will I move somewhere or be single for a long time? Will I finally learn to hula-hoop or grow my afro back? Will I develop feelings for someone soon or maybe learn the art of ice sculpting? Who the heck knows :)

I know one thing for certain about my future...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I can get down with some prosperity and hope. So thanks God. He's awesome and if you're curious, I do think God loves to laugh and he probably cracked up at this picture just as much as I did :D

Be Blessed
Seth

Application for "Seth's Significant Other" Position

Finding My Confidence After the Divorce

I’ve always enjoyed being around people and considered myself an extrovert; however, I was always kind of shy growing up if I was on my own. I think I really depended on my close friends or older brother to kind of break the ice for me. Being a shy extrovert is a weird thing. I love to entertain a crowd and just make people laugh in one on one conversations or groups. I was always just so terrified of the initial meeting; I think partly because I always just dove way too deep in a conversation or did something weird to break the ice and I always just came across kind of weird. So, I kind of just made a few close friends to have people to be around, but eliminated the need to constantly meet new people. Side Note: One of my best friends who I still talk to frequently, I met at the beginning of 9^th grade. We immediately started a close and fun friendship. The fun thing about our friendship is that a few years ago, she told me that for the first few months of our friendship, she thought I was “slow”. Like mentally challenged and taking special classes in high school. I’m dead serious, she says, I didn’t think you were mentally retarded, just sort of Forrest Gump slow. You just smiled and waved alot." hahahaha. I told you I’m wasn’t good at first impressions.

"Momma always said making friends was like a box of chocolates. 
There's always one that's a nut on the inside."

Anyways, I think one thing that really helped me really expand my horizons as far as initial confidence in new friendships was marrying Crissy. She can walk into a room of seven strangers and walk out with seven new friends. I think that’s one of the things that I really liked about her. I loved it too, because once we were married, we would kind of be the front man and meet all of these new people for us and I could kind of lay back until I was a little more comfortable and then kind of reveal my weirdness and awkward humor. For example, she set up this dinner thing (long before we had kids) with her high school friend and her new husband. We walked in and they hugged and did a little catch up session. Once they stopped, I looked at three of them, took a bouncy ball out of my pocket and said “Watch this” and just started chewing and eating the bouncy ball. Of course, I thought it was hilarious. Everyone else there… not so much.

Nice to meet you Jerry. Want to see something cool?

Being around someone so bold in meeting new people, I got comfortable in her doing our first impressions and me being the long term kind of friend. So I never really make myself grow in that area. Once we divorced and it was just the kids and me, I think that was the first thing I noticed. “Seth, you gotta learn how to quit being so shy and meet people.”

It was tough because I really love being around people and making them laugh. Being kids all the time is awesome, but I enjoy adult interaction from time to time. Now don’t get my wrong, I have a TON of amazing friends that I’m dying to get together with, but unless you’ve been divorced or separated after a long relationship to hang around my "Seth and Crissy friends", it’s hard to explain why that can be a bit challenging. I guess, I still always feel one of two reasons:

Reason One. People are trying really hard not to bring up Crissy. It’s awkward for them. Me and Crissy were tight TIGHT. We are still friends, but I guess I feel like I don’t want to pressure people into having to dance around the topic. I figured I’m moved on and eventually the thought of Seth and Crissy will kind of just fade away and it won’t be as awkward, but I do think it hit some of my close friends hard. Plus, I don’t like to talk about the details of our breakup. I don’t know what people have heard (truth or lies). I don’t want to have to discuss it, but I’m sure our old friends would like to know some kind of truth, It just feels like I’m putting old friends in an awkward place sometimes by coming around. I know my friends are awesome, it’s just something I gotta work out on my own.

Reason Two. I’m in major third wheel mode. I’m at the age where most of my friends are married. Not only that, but when you roll up to a friends house and your family resembles clowns unloading out of a car at the circus, that can be intimidating. When Megows show up somewhere, we make our presence KNOWN son. We roll up and roll up hard. Sometimes I feel like my parked van at a new place is similar to the opening scene of the first Jurassic Park with that velociraptor. Once I open this door, all craziness is about to break loose. That feeling combined with the third wheel is just too much at times.

The Megows are here....

Even though I love my friends and think they are the best ever, I think I’m also kind of drawn to meeting new people that can understand my current situation. This is where I was horrible at. Meeting new people. With balancing work and the kids, I was kind of thinking I would just be a hermit for this season of my life. Not by choice, but I didn’t have that person to help me break out my shyness like before. Also, during my marriage I think I did built up some sort of confidence that I was pretty cool and funny. Once she left that really kind of messed up my self-confidence. I mean if the one person that you were closest to in the entire world just kind of lost interest in you, that junk can mess with your brain. When she left me, I was pretty much a wreck. We had been together so long and she knew every. single. detail. of me. I guess it was my worst fear trying to manifest itself in my mind. Especially, since that was kind of the reason I was always kind of shy my whole life. It was a tough few months at first.

However, I think I got tired of moping around. Also, I didn’t want my kids to see that dad wasn’t confident in the person God made him to be. I was afraid that lack of confidence might affect them as they got older. So I told myself, I’m just going to me and put myself out there, but it did practice. I knew I couldn’t just walk around with a pocket full of bouncy balls ;) I think I really tried to brainstorm about what my strengths were and use those to my advantage.

I kind of narrowed it down to few things. The first is kind of weird, but I have a good memory and can notice small details. Whenever I would meet someone, I would do a quick scan of their clothes, their car, their office, etc., just anything I could. Immediately, I would ask about something or compliment the first thing that stood out. Then I would pull every amount of knowledge I had about that subject. For example, if I met someone at church and noticed they had cool glasses, I would just start talking about how I like their frames and then talk about cheap ways to order glasses online. Or if I saw somewhere wearing a football team hat, I would pull from my very limited knowledge of football. I quickly learned that if you approach people with a smile and show them that you are actually interested in getting to know them and take time to notice little parts of their personality, they will typically open up eventually. Until you get that friendship off the ground, you’ll always have a topic of conversation to make small talk with (I’m horrible with small talk, so it helps).

I met this one guy who I thought seemed really interesting and smart, but wasn’t really having the goofy Seth routine. Finally, I heard him listening to some Motown. I knew I had him ;) We sat and talked about the Tempations, Otis Redding, the Chi-lites, etc. for quite a long time. Every now and then I’d email a song or we’d talk about a memory associated with a certain song. I guess I learned to approach everyone as a potential friend, I just have to find the connecting string, whether it be music, food, kids, body odor, or embarrassing teenage stories, there’s always something that connects everyone to any specific person. I just gotta focus on finding a detail to break the ice and hope I have enough stored in my big mouth to make a conversation out of it.

"You think you have bad B.O.?

Tomorrow, I'll skip my 12 minute application of Degree and we can compare smells."

Another thing I do to make friends is just be kind. Just being realistic, we don’t have time to help every single person we meet, but offering to care for someone’s pets while they are out of town or noticing they like taco bell and buying them a $5 gift card just because, can really go a long way. I’ve learned that I can get kinda of weird or intense, so to avoid over analyzing what I say, I kind of go with the Michael Scott approach to starting conversations.

Since I am aware of the fact that when I open my mouth I know something random or some corny joke will pop out, I’m pretty conscious to try to ground the friendship with something normal first. I think overall, it’s helped. I’ve made a lot of new friends and starting to reach out to my old friends that I miss so much.

This is pretty much me in every conversation I have.

Mostly, I’ve learned that I’m awesome. Everyone is awesome. If you don’t think you are, you’re lying to yourself. You are freaking awesome just being yourself and people would be super pumped to get to know you. And don't worry if you're weird, the best people are (and they make the most interesting friends and companions). 

-Seth