Whenever the kids say something that's hilarious and ultra sweet, I try to make a note in my phone or post it to facebook. I have too many for one post but here's my favorites starting from today back to February 2016. I'll start collecting some of the other older ones for a later post.
Enjoy. I laughed at some of these so hard while I was remembering them saying this stuff. :)
______________________________
Me - "Why is the floor sticky?"
Titus - "I accidentally spilt hot dog juice."
Me - "That's disgusting."
Titus - "I don't like the sticky part but I love the smell of hot dog floor." *puts nose on the tile and inhales deeply*
(Loading up into the car after grocery shopping and Olive begins to frantically cry.)
Seth – “Olive, what’s wrong?!?”
Olive – “You didn’t buy me a flower potion!!”
Seth – “Huh?”
Olive *bawling*– “I’m never going to be a flower now!!”
*She continues to sob for about 20 minutes; however, immediately stops when she sees a feral cat running in grass beside our car.*
Olive – “I hate flower potions. I like dat cat now.”
Titus - "My teacher told me Abraham Lincoln was a really good president, but I don't know if he was that good, because his money can't buy nothing."
(Neela and her friend had a slumber party one Saturday night. The following conversation takes place the next day while loading up after church.)
Neela’s Friend - *Hands me a warm egg.”
Seth - *Out of reflex due to the fact that it was warm, I drop it on the ground and it splatters.*
Seth- “Girls!? Where did you find a raw egg at church?”
Neela *Dying laughing* - “It’s not from church. It’s from home!”
Seth *flabbergasted*– “What?! Why did you have an egg in church? And why is it warm?!?”
Neela’s friend – “We took turns hatching it during church.”
Seth – “WHAT?! WHERE?!”
Neela – “On our butts. In our underwear. We were mommy birds today.”
Seth - *silently thanks God for holding that egg together for 90 minutes of 40 pounds of pressure*
Side note: Can you even imagine that call from children’s church?Children’s Pastor –
“Umm Seth... The visitor you brought has raw egg dripping from the butt of her pants.”HAHAHA
Titus- “I want to be a kid forever. I don’t want to grow up.”
Stevie – “I know. I love being a kid. One day we will be old like dad. Because then you die.”
Seth – “Guys!?! Hahaha. How old do you think I am?!?”
Stevie – 32.”
Seth – “Nope. I’m 31.”
Stevie – “Ok. Well… You are ALMOST old.”
Neela – “Dad, since you are about to die. Can you buy us a dog?”
Titus – “And buy us an Icee today… Just in case.”
(At bedtime)
Olive - "I got Jesus a surprise today."
Seth - "What did you get him baby?"
Olive -"My heart."
Neela - "I see that look in your eye. Don't you say it. Don't say the K word. I know you're about to say it. I hate the K word...Klean.
Titus- “I want to be a kid forever. I don’t want to grow up.”
Stevie – “I know. I love being a kid. One day we will be old like dad. Because then you die.”
Seth – “Guys!?! Hahaha. How old do you think I am?!?”
Stevie – 32.”
Seth – “Nope. I’m 31.”
Stevie – “Ok. Well… You are ALMOST old.”
Neela – “Dad, since you are about to die. Can you buy us a dog?”
Titus – “And buy us an Icee today… Just in case.”
(At bedtime)
Olive - "I got Jesus a surprise today."
Seth - "What did you get him baby?"
Olive -"My heart."
Neela - "I see that look in your eye. Don't you say it. Don't say the K word. I know you're about to say it. I hate the K word...Klean.
Seth - "Olive, how do you want your hair this morning?"
Olive - "Elsa. No wait. Wolf!."
Seth - *trying to figure out wolf hair*
Olive - "I changed my mind again."
Seth - "Ok. What do you want now?"
Olive - "Ice Cream Cone Head"
Titus - “Dad, guess where I got this gum I'm chewing.”
Me - “No thanks.”
Titus - “Are you sure you don't want to know?”
Me - “Yes. I'm sure that I do not want to know where you found old gum.”
Titus - “My door! HA! I found it stuck to my bedroom door!”
Olive - “I found a unicorn fart on my door.”
Titus - “Dad, guess where I got this gum I'm chewing.”
Me - “No thanks.”
Titus - “Are you sure you don't want to know?”
Me - “Yes. I'm sure that I do not want to know where you found old gum.”
Titus - “My door! HA! I found it stuck to my bedroom door!”
Olive - “I found a unicorn fart on my door.”
Seth - "Big news guys!"
Neela - "You're finally going on a date?!"
Seth - *laughing* No. Stevie lost a tooth."
Olive - "Yay. I want to meet the tooth fairy. I love her."
Stevie - "I need to write her a note saying I need $5 this time."
Titus - "Me too. I'm still waiting on my tooth fairy money! I need $5 too."
Neela - "Wow! The tooth fairy is rich. Hey dad! Is she married? You should date her."
(While in the car)
Olive - "Daddy I need to poop."
Seth - "Ok. We are about to be at Publix. You can poop there."
Olive - "No. I need to poop at Jumping Jacks."
(While making snowcones at the house)
Seth - "Neela will get out the snow cone syrup please?"
Neela *reaches in the fridge to grab it* - "Dad! It's completely empty!"
Seth - "Titus! I know that was you. Dude, that's like 8000 grams of sugar! You are going to be sick!!"
Titus - "It was worth it."
Neela - "Sometimes when I'm grumpy, I go to sleep to keep from getting in trouble. But I'm normally grumpy at school or doing chores, but I can't go to sleep because I get in trouble for sleeping during that stuff. How am I not supposed to get in trouble at things that make me grumpy if I can't sleep. Life is happy but it's confusing."
Stevie – “Dad I love you, but your breath is hot today. Can you talk at the sky?”
Titus - "Dad?"
Seth - "Yes?"
Titus - "The best thing ever is loving God."
Neela - "...and eating."
Dad - "Do you guys want some new Crocs for the spring?"
Stevie - "Dad... Ew. Crocs? Gross."
Neela – “You need a haircut.”
Seth – “Why do you say that?”
Neela – “There’s a moth stuck in your hair.”
Stevie: "FAMILY MEETING!"
*I walk in to find all of my children sitting in a circle on the floor*
Neela: "Titus, Tell him..."
Titus: "Stevie, you tell him..."
Stevie: "We have decided that it's time we adopt another kid into our family."
*before I can speak*
Titus: "Don't worry dad! You get to decide if it's a boy or a girl. It's just that, if we 'dadopt' a girl this time, we will have to get a boy next time."
Olive: "I love our new baby."
Olive - “Being four years old makes me so tired. I like three years old better.”
Seth – “Why do you like being three than four?”
Olive – “You ask me too many questions now.”
(Titus walks into my room at about 3am and wakes me up)
Titus: “Daddy, can we bake a cake?”
Neela – “This is the best day!”
Seth – “That’s excellent! So you didn’t have to move your clip in class?”
Neela – “No. I had to move my clip.”
Seth – “Oh. Well, did you make a new friend or something?”
Neela – “No.”
Seth – “Did you really like your lunch?”
Neela – “No it was gross.”
Seth *laughing* - “Why was your day so good then?”
Neela – “School is over.”
Seth – “That’s excellent! So you didn’t have to move your clip in class?”
Neela – “No. I had to move my clip.”
Seth – “Oh. Well, did you make a new friend or something?”
Neela – “No.”
Seth – “Did you really like your lunch?”
Neela – “No it was gross.”
Seth *laughing* - “Why was your day so good then?”
Neela – “School is over.”
Dad - "Olive please drink your water."
Olive - "Dad. This is not water; it's melted ice. I am not drinking this. Disgusting."
Seth - "Neela do you want to play a sport next year?"
Neela - "Yes! Except I only don't want to play the one were you throw the baseball and hit it with the baseball bat. But I can't remember the name of that sport."
(While playing at the park)
Titus - *sucking on a RingPop.*
Seth - "Where did you get that?"
Titus *pops it out of his mouth and smiles* - "You really don't want to know."
Neela - "Daddy?"
Seth - "Yes."
Neela - "When I grow up, I'm moving to Africa."
Seth - "That sounds incredible!"
Neela - "So I won't be able to make it to your funeral."
Stevie – “Hey daddy, whatca doing?”
Seth- “Oh, just writing.”
Stevie – “For work?”
Seth – “Nope. For my website?”
Stevie – “You mean your blog?”
Seth- *smiles and nods*
Stevie – “I love your blog.”
Seth – “Really? Have you ever read any of it?”
Stevie – “No. But I have a lot of people tell me stories you write. It makes people happy. I love when we make people happy.”
Seth – “I love to write about you.”
Stevie – “I love you too. I’m going to lie down on your back while you write.”
Seth – *heart melted*
Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
Seth