Wednesday, August 31, 2016

*Megow* Kids say the darndest things

The past few days my kids have been cranking out some real zingers in conversation. They made me laugh so hard and so much. Seriously, I freaking love the stuff kids say. I think that's one of the reasons I love kids. They are constantly saying things that make you squint your eyes, cock your head, think "what the heck", and bust out laughing.

Whenever the kids say something that's hilarious and ultra sweet, I try to make a note in my phone or post it to facebook. I have too many for one post but here's my favorites starting from today back to February 2016. I'll start collecting some of the other older ones for a later post.

Enjoy. I laughed at some of these so hard while I was remembering them saying this stuff. :)


Me - "Why is the floor sticky?"
Titus - "I accidentally spilt hot dog juice."
Me - "That's disgusting."
Titus - "I don't like the sticky part but I love the smell of hot dog floor." *puts nose on the tile and inhales deeply*

(Loading up into the car after grocery shopping and Olive begins to frantically cry.)
Seth – “Olive, what’s wrong?!?”
Olive – “You didn’t buy me a flower potion!!”
Seth – “Huh?”
Olive *bawling*– “I’m never going to be a flower now!!”
*She continues to sob for about 20 minutes; however, immediately stops when she sees a feral cat running in grass beside our car.*
Olive – “I hate flower potions. I like dat cat now.”

Titus - "My teacher told me Abraham Lincoln was a really good president, but I don't know if he was that good, because his money can't buy nothing."

(Neela and her friend had a slumber party one Saturday night. The following conversation takes place the next day while loading up after church.)
Neela’s Friend - *Hands me a warm egg.”
Seth - *Out of reflex due to the fact that it was warm, I drop it on the ground and it splatters.*
Seth- “Girls!? Where did you find a raw egg at church?”
Neela *Dying laughing* - “It’s not from church. It’s from home!”
Seth *flabbergasted*– “What?! Why did you have an egg in church? And why is it warm?!?”
Neela’s friend – “We took turns hatching it during church.”
Seth – “WHAT?! WHERE?!”
Neela – “On our butts. In our underwear. We were mommy birds today.”
Seth - *silently thanks God for holding that egg together for 90 minutes of 40 pounds of pressure*

Side note: Can you even imagine that call from children’s church?Children’s Pastor – 
“Umm Seth... The visitor you brought has raw egg dripping from the butt of her pants.”HAHAHA

Titus- “I want to be a kid forever. I don’t want to grow up.”
Stevie – “I know. I love being a kid. One day we will be old like dad. Because then you die.”
Seth – “Guys!?! Hahaha. How old do you think I am?!?”
Stevie – 32.”
Seth – “Nope. I’m 31.”
Stevie – “Ok. Well… You are ALMOST old.”
Neela – “Dad, since you are about to die. Can you buy us a dog?”
Titus – “And buy us an Icee today… Just in case.”

(At bedtime)
Olive - "I got Jesus a surprise today."
Seth - "What did you get him baby?"
Olive -"My heart."

Neela - "I see that look in your eye. Don't you say it. Don't say the K word. I know you're about to say it. I hate the K word...Klean.

Seth - "Olive, how do you want your hair this morning?"
Olive - "Elsa. No wait. Wolf!."
Seth - *trying to figure out wolf hair*
Olive - "I changed my mind again."
Seth - "Ok. What do you want now?"
Olive - "Ice Cream Cone Head"

Titus - “Dad, guess where I got this gum I'm chewing.”
Me - “No thanks.”
Titus - “Are you sure you don't want to know?”
Me - “Yes. I'm sure that I do not want to know where you found old gum.”
Titus - “My door! HA! I found it stuck to my bedroom door!”
Olive - “I found a unicorn fart on my door.”

Seth - "Big news guys!"
Neela - "You're finally going on a date?!"
Seth - *laughing* No. Stevie lost a tooth."
Olive - "Yay. I want to meet the tooth fairy. I love her."
Stevie - "I need to write her a note saying I need $5 this time."
Titus - "Me too. I'm still waiting on my tooth fairy money! I need $5 too."
Neela - "Wow! The tooth fairy is rich. Hey dad! Is she married? You should date her."

(While in the car)
Olive - "Daddy I need to poop."
Seth - "Ok. We are about to be at Publix. You can poop there."
Olive - "No. I need to poop at Jumping Jacks."

(While making snowcones at the house)
Seth - "Neela will get out the snow cone syrup please?"
Neela *reaches in the fridge to grab it* - "Dad! It's completely empty!"
Seth - "Titus! I know that was you. Dude, that's like 8000 grams of sugar! You are going to be sick!!"
Titus - "It was worth it."

Neela - "Sometimes when I'm grumpy, I go to sleep to keep from getting in trouble. But I'm normally grumpy at school or doing chores, but I can't go to sleep because I get in trouble for sleeping during that stuff. How am I not supposed to get in trouble at things that make me grumpy if I can't sleep. Life is happy but it's confusing."

Stevie – “Dad I love you, but your breath is hot today. Can you talk at the sky?”

Titus - "Dad?"
Seth - "Yes?"
Titus - "The best thing ever is loving God."
Neela - "...and eating."

Dad - "Do you guys want some new Crocs for the spring?"
Stevie - "Dad... Ew. Crocs? Gross." 

Neela – “You need a haircut.”
Seth – “Why do you say that?”
Neela – “There’s a moth stuck in your hair.”

*I walk in to find all of my children sitting in a circle on the floor*
Neela: "Titus, Tell him..."
Titus: "Stevie, you tell him..."
Stevie: "We have decided that it's time we adopt another kid into our family."
*before I can speak*
Titus: "Don't worry dad! You get to decide if it's a boy or a girl. It's just that, if we 'dadopt' a girl this time, we will have to get a boy next time."
Olive: "I love our new baby."

Olive - “Being four years old makes me so tired. I like three years old better.”
Seth – “Why do you like being three than four?”
Olive – “You ask me too many questions now.”

(Titus walks into my room at about 3am and wakes me up)
Titus: “Daddy, can we bake a cake?”

Neela – “This is the best day!”
Seth – “That’s excellent! So you didn’t have to move your clip in class?”
Neela – “No. I had to move my clip.”
Seth – “Oh. Well, did you make a new friend or something?”
Neela – “No.”
Seth – “Did you really like your lunch?”
Neela – “No it was gross.”
Seth *laughing* - “Why was your day so good then?”
Neela – “School is over.”

Dad - "Olive please drink your water."
Olive - "Dad. This is not water; it's melted ice. I am not drinking this. Disgusting."

Seth - "Neela do you want to play a sport next year?"
Neela - "Yes! Except I only don't want to play the one were you throw the baseball and hit it with the baseball bat. But I can't remember the name of that sport."

(While playing at the park)
Titus - *sucking on a RingPop.*
Seth - "Where did you get that?"
Titus *pops it out of his mouth and smiles* - "You really don't want to know."

Neela - "Daddy?"
Seth - "Yes."
Neela - "When I grow up, I'm moving to Africa."
Seth - "That sounds incredible!"
Neela - "So I won't be able to make it to your funeral."

Stevie – “Hey daddy, whatca doing?”
Seth- “Oh, just writing.”
Stevie – “For work?”
Seth – “Nope. For my website?”
Stevie – “You mean your blog?”
Seth- *smiles and nods*
Stevie – “I love your blog.”
Seth – “Really? Have you ever read any of it?”
Stevie – “No. But I have a lot of people tell me stories you write. It makes people happy. I love when we make people happy.”
Seth – “I love to write about you.”
Stevie – “I love you too. I’m going to lie down on your back while you write.”
Seth – *heart melted*

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Monday, August 22, 2016

The Deer Trifecta

A few days ago, I saw the most interesting saga unfold. I was driving to work and saw an armadillo dead in the middle of the road. I didn’t think anything of it. Since there is no shoulder on this busy road, it’s not really a place you can pull over to move it off the asphalt.  Needless to say, I saw it sitting there as I drove back home that evening. The next day on my way to work, I saw a buzzard eating the armadillo. On the way home that day, wouldn’t you know I saw a dead buzzard and a dead armadillo in that same spot? The next day, I saw another buzzard eating the dead buzzard that died eating the dead armadillo. Of course on the way home, I saw the second buzzard was now just a part of the pile… A big pile of roadkill. Gross. That got me thinking of a story that I haven’t told on the blog before.

It’s actually one of my favorite stories to tell in person. I wouldn't really say it's funny, it's just one those stories that I can get really into and act out in a really fun, intense way. So I just never felt like I could do it justice with writing alone. If you ask any of my close friends, they can confirm that I love to tell stories. It’s like my favorite thing to do. I get really into it. Some people describe themselves as hand talkers. I acknowledge that I’m a full body talker. I can’t tell a story sitting down. I physically feel the urge to walk around and dramatize every detail with my entire body :) So yeah, that’s why I’ve never talked about this one here before. I just feel I couldn’t do it justice. However, since I saw that big ole' pile of roadkill earlier this week, I guess that's a sign to just do it.


I was a junior in high school. I remember it was December and on this night, it was freaking cold as crap. I was spending some time at high school crush’s house, when suddenly I noticed that I was already out past curfew, and I was about 20 minutes from the house. My dad was never mean about curfew, but he was the type of dad that sat waiting by the window until we got home. Plus I didn’t want to explain that I was at a girl’s house that late. So I jumped in the car and started to speed off home. As most of you know, there are a lot of backwoods roads in South Georgia. This happened to be one of them. I was flying down this road when suddenly the herd of deer jumps out in front of me. Not like 2-3, I’m talking like 7-8 deer. I try to swerve but still end up hitting one with the front bumper of my car. As anyone who has ever hit a deer with your car knows, it can be pretty intense. In my head, I was trying to process what just happened. I knew I needed to stop and check on the deer that I just hit; however, right when I’m ABOUT to hit the brakes I hear an insanely loud CRASH right next to my ear. So I turn my head and find myself looking eye to eye with another deer that had just rammed its head straight into my driver’s side window. This thing instantly died on impact. I’m just kind of in a state of shock because not only is the deer’s mutilated head in pretty much right next to my face spewing blood over all me and the car, but it’s neck broke and the rest of the body is repeatingly slamming into the side of car over and over due to the fact that I’m still speeding down this road. It all happened in a split second, so I try to compose myself and bring the car to a safe stop. Again, I’m about to hit the brakes when another deer jumps out, hits the front bumper, bounces off the car hood, and crashes through my front windshield and kind of pins me against the seat. Immediately, I slam on brakes and run off the side of the road.

So I’m just sitting there for a moment covered in blood & glass and surrounded by deer corpses. So I try to stumble out of the driver’s side door, but face to face deer’s lower body has been pinned under the car with its head still jammed in my window, so the door won’t open. I kind of skootch myself in between the center console and the bloody corpse that’s pinning me against the seat. Eventually I get close enough to the passenger side door that I just open it and kind of fall out with the deer on top of me. This is before most teenagers had cell phones, so I start to walk and look for a house that I can ask to use their phone. I passed two houses a little ways back, so those are kind of my only options. I knock on the first door a man answers sees me and immediately slams the door in my face and tells me to get off of his property. “Geez”, I think to myself “what a jerk”. 

So I walk to the next house and ring the doorbell. Since it’s getting close to midnight, I can tell I woke them up. Suddenly, I remember that I’m covered head to toe in blood so in an effort to reduce my serial killer vibe I take off my shirt. Probably not the smartest idea. Right when the elderly lady opens the door, I’m in the middle of deshirting, so it looks like I’m wearing some crazy blood mask. She screams and again slams the door in my face. I’m thinking that the police will be called soon so I just sit down and wait, but they never come. So about twenty minutes later, I bang on the second door again and try to explain to the lady what happened and why I look like a mass murderer standing on her doorstep. I’m begging this woman through her door to use her phone. Finally, she cracks the door and throws a corded phone hand piece at me and slams it back. She says she will dial a number for me from inside her house. So I’m standing on some stranger’s front porch, trying to yell a telephone number through her front door. Of course, she dials the wrong number and some stranger picks up. I figured I would just tell this stranger to call the police and have them come to this ladies house, but they need an address. When I ask the lady for her address, she throws open the door and jerks the phone back from me. I hear it lock and she screams at me to go away. Crap. 

I decide to walk back to the first house and knock again. The man opens the door and I just beg to use his phone, so he hands me a cordless phone (Thank God) and makes me stand on the porch (again with the door closed). I have no idea why, but even though I’m physically holding a phone in my hand, I have this idea that I need to find someone with a cell phone to call my house and talk to my dad. It was like when you look everywhere for your glasses only to find they are on your face. So I call the first people I can think of that I know have a cell phone (my crush’s parents). They show up in the middle of the night and were so kind to not point out that I had just called them on the phone to ask them to drive to meet me so I could borrow their phone. Hahaha. So I finally get ahold of my dad who asks if the car will still run. I answer yes, so he just says “Ok, throw all the deer in the trunk and drive home.” I am able to pry that one deer from under the car door and get it and the front windshield deer both into the trunk. (I couldn’t find the first one I hit). When I finally arrive home in the busted up car, my dad tells me to grab some coolers and we spend the rest of the night skinning the deer and icing the meat.

The next day I have the brightest idea (remember I was an idiot). I thought “I’m gonna make my crush a gift from those dead deer.” So, I go into our chicken yard, rummage through the gut/skin pile, find the tails, and cut them off with my pocket knife. I’m sitting on the porch with these two deer tails thinking what would be a romantic gift, when suddenly it hits me! I get a bucket, thread some string through the tails, tie them onto said bucket and “voila” I made a piggy bank! “She’s going to love this!” I thought to myself.  I delivered the bank and thought I was a pretty smooth operator until a few days later, when I find out that I stunk up their entire house with my now rotten meat, deer tail bank. 

Be Blessed,

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Friday Fun Facts 8/12/16

- Olive has become quite the fashionista. So lately as a consequence due to bad behavior, I make her wear denim shorts. It's remarkably effective while simultaneously hilarious.

- Titus found some an old x-ray of my back and thinks it is some form of art.

- For the last two days my pee has smelled exactly like boiled peanuts. Most responsible adults would search Web MD for a cause. I found myself googling "Cajun Boiled Peanut Recipes". 

- Neela has not only thought of her Halloween costume for this year, but made it as well. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you my 7 year old's original costume idea.

"Cardboard Box Human"

- Before bedtime each night, Stevie started the traditional of having one minute of hyper time to help get everyone’s energy out. She calls it “Jolly Fun Time” 

- Many of you have seen this but it's too good not to share again... We were at a "Finding Dory" birthday party a few weekends ago. When got together for a family picture, I told everyone to act like a fish. Titus is still working on his fish impression apparently.

- The other day, I took my kids to work with me after school for a few hours. While they were up there, they invented a new game for us to play this weekend. It's called "Good Worm, Bad Worm". From what I can gather, here is the game in a nutshell: There are two boxes. One contains gummy worms, the other an earth worms. The boxes are shuffled before each participant begins. When it's your turn, you point to a box and eat its contents. Delightful.

- Stevie is convinced this is me.

- Neela “accidentally” left her shoes at our friends house the other day so we could wear her frog hunting boots to school.

Olive asked if she could make me dinner a few nights ago. The menu included: uncooked turkey bacon, a jalapeno, crushed ice, a hot dog bun with grape jelly, and milk 

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Monday, August 1, 2016

Q&A with the Megow kids

School is starting up this week. This time of year, I always see those little questionnaire's pop up on Facebook. You know the ones about "Favorite Book? Favorite Food?" So I thought it would be fun to do one with my kids.

I recorded and typed their responses verbatim. Enjoy!

What do you want to learn about this year in school?
Stevie: “Math and how to draw shadows.”
Neela: “Science, ‘aminals’, and fun celebrations. Birthday parties are my favorite school days. The other days are boring unless I learn about nature.”
Titus: “How to wear black clothes and sneak.”
Olive: “What’s in my belly button?” (lifts up shirt)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Stevie: “A person who draws pictures of things and sends them to people to make toys out of my drawings. I think that will be fun.”
Neela:  “A rescue zoologist who lives in a tent in Africa.”
Titus: “A real hero spy”
Olive: “Feed old people”

What are you the most good at?
Stevie: “Dragon Art.”
Neela:  “Playing Dead.”
Titus: “Doing this.” (rapidly opens and closes his mouth)
Olive: “Hockey and Duck Duck Goose” (dad note: she has never seen a hockey puck or stick)

What is your secret talent?
Stevie: “Climbing Doors.”
Neela:  “Eating my hand” (makes a fist and stick it in her mouth)
Titus: “Eating Champion. See?” (pokes out belly)
Olive: “Marrying Titus. I love him and he’s my best friend.”

What is your favorite animal and why?
Stevie: “Seal. They are the cutest.”
Neela:  “Peregrine Falcon. They are the fastest flying bird. Or an Octopus. They have three hearts. ”
Titus: “Fox. They are sneaky and no one knows what they say.”
Olive: “Horse. They have the prettiest hair.”

What makes you the most happy?
Stevie: “Family time, alone time with daddy, and pranking people.”
Neela:  “Chasing my butt. I need a tail.”
Titus: “Soup.”
Olive: “Getting new sisters. I need more sisters.”

Favorite Food? Least Favorite Food?
Stevie: “I like pizza. I don’t like Skittles, Caramel, and Soda.”
Neela:  “Edamame is delicious. Tuna is gross. It smells like my pillow.”
Titus: “Ba-sketti!!!! (spaghetti) and nothing. I like every food. I love to eat all my plate… Wait, I hate carrots.”
Olive: “Daddy, I like chicken nuggets. They are yummy. I don’t like ants. They bite me.”
Dad- “No Olive, what food don’t you like to eat?”
Olive- “I like chicken nuggets”
Dad- “Ok. What food is gross?”
Olive- Daddy, I want earrings.” (while picking and eating a booger).

If you had a million dollars what would you buy?
Stevie: “Food. I won’t go to starvation.”
Neela:  “4009 puppies”
Titus: “Hot Lava and a robot shark.”
Olive: “Elsa’s head.”

Where do babies come from?
Stevie: “Digestion.”
Neela:  “Dogs carry them to parents.”
Titus: “You poop them out. Blood comes out of your butt. I’m glad boy butts don’t poop blood and babies.”
Olive: “Eating Flowers.”

If you invented something, what would it be?
Stevie: “A Diamond Dragon that makes chocolate.”
Neela:  “Vep.  I just invented that. Vep! (laughs hysterically) That’s a hilarious name for a dinosaur. I’m hilarious dad!! Wait, why aren’t you laughing? I said Vep. Did you hear it?”
Titus: “Gadgets. They are a secret in my brain. I can’t tell you or you will invent them first.”
Olive: “Babies. I want to invent a baby. And this..” (holds up an apple)

What is the funniest thing in the whole wide world?
Stevie: “When Neela farts.”
Neela:  “She’s right. When I fart. It’s loud.”
Titus: “Pee, poop, toilet, tiny toilets, blue toilets, hair on the floor.”
Olive: “Daddy makes funny faces”

What is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?
Stevie: “Neela was growling and Titus was being karate. Then I got a piece of paper to draw with. Titus said, I like your picture.”
Neela:  “We are going to get ice cream.”
Titus: “I prayed for your dead cat.”
Olive: “When you said ‘Do you want to watch Paw Patrol?’ That was being a nice daddy.”

If you had super powers what would they be?
Stevie: “Have dragon scales”
Neela:  (starts crowing like a bird and lets neck hang limp)
Titus: (laughing too hard at Neela to answer)
Olive: “Fat cats. Be fat cats.”

What is the greatest part about being you?
Stevie: “Losing my teeth. I’ve lost so many teeth.”
Neela:  “Frog hunting and hairy legs. I look like a chinchilla.”
Titus: “My family and feeding sharks at bedtime.”
Olive: “Wearing dresses and being beautiful like Minnie.”

If you could make one rule, what would it be?
Stevie: “I’m in charge.”
Neela:  “Everyone pees in litter boxes.”
Titus: “Be kind to family.”
Olive: “Don’t scream in the hallway. Don’t wake up my baby. I sing my night night song.” (starts singing the Mr. Rogers song ‘It’s you I like’.)

Whats the worst part about being a grown up?
Stevie: “You work on computers instead of play games. Plus you have to plan all of the surprises. I like getting surprised instead of planning them.”
Neela:  “Not eating treats. Just kidding, not eating my foot. For real, did you know grownups aren’t allowed to eat their feet.” (tries to stick foot in mouth) “My feet stink…. Delicious.”
Titus: “Grown-ups don’t eat snacks. I like candy the most.”
Olive: “Eat. Sleep. Die.”

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,