Thursday, February 22, 2018

Megow Mornings!

Originally posted March 8, 2016

“Don’t pour your milk in the bearded dragon water bowl” 

“You cannot wear bedroom slippers to school” 

“Ok, who just cut their hair and hid it under the table?”

The other morning, I found myself saying each of those quotes consecutively while trying to get my kids in the car for school. I stopped and just thought I should share a little about our mornings with the world.

Titus is almost always the first awake and secretly searching the house for some type of sugar. If he can’t find sugar, he usually is just eating something freaking weird in the mornings when I wake up. I swear the other morning, I woke up to find him quietly sitting on the couch in his underwear eating cold black eyed peas on of a can. He’s always so excited when I wake up. He is always busting with ideas in the morning and greets me every morning with the hugest smile :D He always hints at our morning song… “Dad, Its…. Going…. To…. Be…. A…. Great…. Day…. Today….” He loves when we sing it.

Now it’s not sunshine and rainbows in the Megow house every morning. Some of better than others. One a good day, I typically have clothes picked out and the kids bathed the night before. Those are the good, fun mornings. However, sometimes there’s the other kind of day. Let’s go into one of those mornings. This is kind of an overview experience of what a typical “non prepped” morning would look like. (i.e. what happened this Monday morning, haha)

...The alarm beeps at 6:30. I roll out of bed and trip over a child that decided my floor without any covers or a pillow would be more comfortable than an actual mattress with bedding. I lift up the toilet seat to pee to find that Olive pooped on it and it’s on my hand. While washing my hands in the sink, I realize that the kids used all of my sink soap to make bubbles in the tub. So I use some shampoo to wash the poop off of my hand while yelling to wake everyone up (besides Titus) who is currently running around the house in his whitey tighties yelling something about how he has changed his name to “Jaden”. I yell again (over Jaden) for everyone to get dressed and brush their hair, while I jump in a quick shower. So I make out to the living room to see the kids all sitting around still in their underwear fighting over who gets to play with the half inflated pink balloon they found lodged between the couch cushions. I just stare at them. “Guys! Come on! We gotta get ready!” 

This balloon has been in our house I believe since January 

Olive is the youngest and “least morning person” so I have to pick her out an outfit. I hand her some underwear, some leggings, and a Minnie mouse shirt. I send her to go get dressed while I look for my glasses from the night before, so I can see what kind of crazy outfits they kids have put themselves in. I find my glasses and the kids line up for inspection. Literally every hectic morning , I always have them line up to see what needs to be changed about their outfit. Lately Titus has been going through this “button up dress shirt/sweatpants” phase. Sometimes I intervene, but other times I think his choice is too epic of a combination to prevent, so he gets approval. Stevie is next. This girl has her dad’s fashion sense. She always wants to wear what she wore the day before. She hates picking out clothes or dressing up in general. So almost every day, she’s wearing what she wore the day before. I tell her to change. She stomps off to her room to find something. Neela is next. She’s always my mystery dresser. You never really know, but lately, she’s been doing pretty well. (Pretty much this means her clothes fit.) Today she dressed herself in a red Christmas shirt that said “Dashing through the snow” with a reindeer on it with purple leggings with pink hearts. There was no mud on the pants or spaghettio stains on the holiday themed shirt, so she passed inspection and ran to do her morning duty of caring for her pets.

By this time, I notice that Olive is crying from her bedroom. I run in to find her literally with her waist and both of her legs stuffed into one leg hole of her panties. She also has managed to make the leggings some sort of shirt with her arm and the top of her head both stuck in one of the pants legs. She’s just standing there with her arms stuck in the pants and fixed in an upright position with her forehead and her legs and upper thighs bunched together My favorite part about this scenario the top of her head was stuck within the waist band. All of the skin on her face was being stretched and held back by the elastic. Her eyelids were pulled back and unable to blink. 

I didn’t have my phone to take a picture, but this is pretty much what her face looked like. 

The moment I walk into the room, she stops crying and we just kind of stare at each other in amazement. Well, I stare at her and trying not to laugh, while she unfortunately has no choice but to stare back because her eyes are pryed open from the leggings and she literally cannot move because she is stuck standing in a crucifixion pose due to the nature of which she dressed herself. HAHAHAHA. I get her fixed and ask where her Minnie Mouse shirt is. Good luck with asking Olive any sort of question. So we run back to the clean clothes pile to find her a different shirt.

By now it strikes me that it’s Monday morning and I forgot to go over Friday folders. So I’m kind of digging through the clothes pile, while trying to hop into some work pants, and yelling to Stevie that she can’t wear one of my old t-shirts to school. I silently pray to God the kids haven’t used their school bags to collect mud and tadpoles over the weekend and ask them to set out their folders on the counter, while I finish getting dressed and Olive dressed.

Stevie comes out of her room with an “acceptable” outfit. Praise God, the kids all find their Friday folders. However, I go to sign Titus’s little weekly sheet but it’s gone. “Where’s your sheet buddy?” I ask. He responds calmly, “I drew monsters on it and gave it to my friend yesterday.” So I sign two of my three kids’ folders and look at see that they are all dressed. I tell everyone to go brush their teeth while I find a shirt to wear to work. While browsing through the clothes pile, I find a shirt that I think will match my pants (I’m colorblind) and hear my kids screaming in the bathroom. I scream over them to “get those teeth brushed or I’m coming in there!” I get my shirt ironed and on.

I look at the clock. We have to leave the house in five minutes. So I grab little Ziploc bags and hand them to Stevie and Neela and ask them to start pouring some cereal in bags for people to eat on the way to school. I start pouring some milk for people to drink real quick before we run out of the door, only to find a small pile of blonde hair hidden underneath the table. I do a brief scan of everyone’s head to find that Titus had invented a new hair style.

We call it “the ringworm” 

Meanwhile Neela has gotten out the art bag and is painting a picture at the table. I try to quickly clean it up without making a huge mess and getting paint all over Neela and her clothes. To my surprise, I dripped some paint on my shirt and had pink spots on my chest the entire day at work.

Mr. Mom Professional Dress 

Everyone is given shoes and socks, hair is brushed, ponytails are created, and we all dash into the car. I’m in the dropoff line and the kids are just talking about random stuff amongst themselves when I hear my favorite quote of the morning.

Neela: I can’t wait to be a mommy. I think I’m going to be a mom really soon.
Stevie: Well Neela, you can’t just be a mommy.
Neela: Why not?
Stevie: You need a credit card first.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Monday, February 19, 2018

"Middle School Seth" Stories

If you've been following the blog at all, you probably know how much I love to tell stories. For some reason, I had a few random memories from middle school pop up in my head and just wanted to share. I don't want this to be ultra long, so I'll just share a few.

I think I finally realized my true sense of humor around the age of 30. It's extremely understated and half serious. I just love when people don't really know if I'm being serious or not. So many times I'm internally laughing while some people laugh and others just kinda turn their head/feel pity for me. Hahaha. However as a kid, I hadn't yet grown to understand my sense of humor. However on occasion, I think I kind of nailed it. These are the moments I really remember. Just me internally dying laughing to myself while a lot of people just kinda sit there ultra confused.

My first real memory of this happened in second grade. I remember our class has been learning about plants that produce food. We skimmed briefly over the cacao tree. So at recess that day me and my friend Reggie made up a reggae song called "The Chocolate Tree". I still remember the song... *clears throat* "Chocolate Tree, Chocolate Tree, Everybody listen to the Chocolate Tree." Anyways when we got in from recess, me and Reggie asked the teacher if we could perform our song. She said yes. So we did. Right before the song started, I had the idea to do a dance while Reggie sang. I remember it was an interpretive dance about how I imagined I cacao bean must have felt being harvested, roasted, and produced into chocolate. So Reggie was just kinda stood their singing not paying attention to me, while I was mimed being torn apart, burned alive, pounded into tiny pieces, and then finally becoming a chocolate angel flowing into heaven. Towards the end, I could barely contain my laughter but I kept it together. I mean I was total straight-faced and looked dead serious.

I'm guessing it kinda of resembled this to onlookers.

I remember the teacher telling everyone not to laugh while looking utterly confused at this routine. In my head I remember thinking it was absolutely hysterical that the teacher had to force people to not laugh and was convinced I was dead serious about this being a moving dance piece. Finally, Reggie finished the song and I stood up from laying completely face down on the floor in an snow angel pose. We both didn't say a word, sat at our desks, and got out our math books. The teacher just kinda stood their staring at us so confused for a few seconds before awkwardly transitioning back into multiplication tables. Side note: I asked that teacher to marry me that year for Valentine's Day. She said no... but I'm pretty sure a few more dances would have sealed the deal.

Next, I played a lot of soccer growing up. Well. Let me rephrase that. I was on a soccer team a a lot growing up. It was a travel soccer league, so it was the same group of boys every year. I didn't really play that much. For two main reasons: 1) I was legitmatelly the worst kid on the team 2) I figured taking on the role of "Team Morale Officer" would better serve my teammates. Once mid-season our coach, for some random reason, decided to change our team name. I remember we all got to make nominations by writing them on a sheet of paper and putting them in a hat. After they were all read, the coach would read them out loud. When he got to my vote, he instantly knew who wrote it. He angrily mumbled "Flying Skydancers". Of course, I thought it was the funniest thing on earth. So from that point forward every single season, in every single game, I would shout "Flying Skydancers" after every group huddle and twirl around like a helicopter. The coach kinda hated me after awhile. Hahahaha. Oh yeah, I remember one thing that happened during a game (I played defense. So I was the last stop before the goalie). My best friend Will played on the team with me. I remember he was on the bench at the time and I was on the field. We were doing pretty well that game, so I kinda zoned out on defense and was goofing around. I remember making animal shapes with my hand and doing voices for each of the animals. Anyways, I noticed Will was watching me, so I walked over to the sideline was performing this little routine. I can't remember exactly what happened, but I do remember the coach screaming at me to get on defense because their team was coming downfield with the ball. I remember laughing so hard, because I just pictured this image of someone standing on the sidelines doing animal impressions for his friend on the bench during the middle of a game, and it was just too much. I literally couldn't walk from laughing so hard. They ended up scoring, while I was still leaned over guffawing. I got benched. Worth it.

Ok. So really this was the story that inspired this post. It popped in my head recently, and I laughed so hard telling it to my friend that I wanted to share with you guys. It was 8th grade algebra, and we had a teacher (who will remained unnamed) that seriously let us do whatever we wanted. One of my favorite activities would be to ask to go to the library to check out a book (during the middle of algebra class mind you). He would always say yes as long as we returned with a book. So me and my buddy Zack went to the library, and we kinda just goofed off for a few minutes. Finally, we noticed we had been there for way too long, so I grabbed a random book, checked out, and ran back to class. When I got to class I looked at my book. It was called "Jojo's Flying Sidekick"

The remainder of class I spent reading this book. It was about a little girl who was scared of a tree in her front yard. She uses karate to face her fears, and does a flying side kick to the tree in the end. After reading it, I just kept laughing at this random, little kid book in the library. So I thought it would be hilarious to make an ultra big deal about it. After taking a few days to really think about what would be the funniest form of action to take, it suddenly hit me. I would form an official school club called "The Jo-Jo's flying sidekick Fan Club".

So later that week, my friend Zack and I went to the school's assistant principal and asked what the requirements were to form an official school club. He told us that we needed a teacher sponsor, and then to come back to him for approval. Duh, there was only one teacher we wanted. We went straight to our algebra teacher and asked him to be a teacher sponsor for our new club. He didn't even ask what kind of club. We didn't even fill out the form yet. We just handed him the blank form and he signed that junk. Holy crap. We were halfway there to getting this thing official. So the next day (in algebra class of course), we filled out all of the rest of the form and took it to the asst. principal. We sat down, handed him the form, and he read over it. I remember he just kinda stared at the form in utter confusion and looked at us. "Are you two serious? I mean what does this even mean? What is a Jo-Jo?" Ultra straight-faced, we went into a long diatribe about how the book challenges kids our age to face our fears by embracing the strength inside of us. Still confused he called our teacher to verify he signed this thing. Of course, our teacher had no idea what he was talking about, but finally remembered and confirmed that he agreed to be the teacher sponsor. The asst. principal just went wide eyed from confusion, shook his head, and signed the form making us a club.

Now what this meant for us was that we could have club meetings and hold fundraisers. Hahahaha. So of course that's exactly what we did. I didn't want to have to put down any real money to buy candy or something to resell, so we just made buttons with pieces of paper and safety pins that said something like "I love Jo-Jo". We sold them for a quarter a piece on the promise that all money raised would be used for a class party. Of course, we raised enough money that we bought snacks and had a class party (in algebra class) sponsored by the "Jo-Jo's flying sidekick Fan Club". However, having a party just wasn't enough. So me and my friend scheduled an appointment with the principal to talk about our club. Not the assistant principal. The real principal. We asked her to come to our algebra class and read the book out loud to us. Again, this book was written probably for the first grade reading level. She was also confused on how we got set up as a school club. And also why all of this was taking place in a advanced level eighth grade algebra course. She told us a maybe and we left.

Eighth Grade Seth was 100% goober

So we threw our party. It wasn't even a Friday. It was some random middle of the week day, like Tuesday. And of course, right in the middle of algebra class (when we were supposed to be learning about the Quadratic Formula). All of a sudden, the principal walked in and very confusedly walked up to the teacher, who directed her to me. I walked her up to the front of the room and handed her the book. She read the book out loud to us while we ate our cupcakes/chips and fought back the laughter. Afterwards, she called me and my friend out in the hallway and disbanded our club. Hahahaha. My next goal was to make it in the yearbook under the clubs section, but that dream got cut short. But it was definitely one of my favorite middle school memories. Side note: He actually was a good math teacher; I can still recite the Quadratic formula to this day. The trick is to sing it to the tune of 'Pop Goes the Weasel'.... All together now!! "X is equal to negative B, plus or minus the square root, of B squared minus 4 AC, all over 2 A."

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,