Thursday, March 17, 2016

The "Stages" of Parenting

I have had quite a few people ask how I can handle four kids by myself and not be ultra stressed all the time. Honestly in some ways it's a lot less stressful than just having one. The things you worry about changes as the number of children increase. See for yourself...

One Child

Buying the name brand diapers and wipes

“Your Baby Can Read” and teaching sign language 

Stevie had this down son.

Stroller color coordinating with the car seat and diaper bag

Portable diaper changing mat 
Hahahaha. I was so naive. 
Now I know that's what God invented "the ground" for

Worrying about people holding the baby

Wireless Video/Audio Baby Monitor with dual receivers

The age suggestions on toys 

The box says ages "6 months and up".
She's only 5 months old and I'm scared she will get her eyeball sucked out
by the gently powered baby toy fan

Bath water being the perfect temperature on the brand new baby bathtub

Monthly Milestones

Well planned wake/eat/play scheduling

Buying “baby” laundry detergent

Educational television shows

Child perfectly dressed and clean

Washing a dropped pacifier 

The nipple touched the ground. 
I guess we should just throw it away.

Choosing a theme for the nursery that included matching crib sheets, crib bumper, wall art, and area rug

Hand sanitizer

Height/Weight Percentages

Cloth Diapers

“Well Visits” at the doctor’s office

Making sure the crib has a “diaper changing station” attached

Baby proofing every. single. object. in the house 

As an adult, I couldn't even figure out how to bypass the cabinet locks we installed.

Two Children

Clean clothes

A packed diaper bag 

"Don't worry, I brought the aloe and the flushable baby wipes... 
Just in case."

Snacks in said diaper bag.

Well rounded diet 

Structured play time

Picking the perfect preschool

Season themed photo shoots 

We need to build this by the 4th for our Patriotic Portrait Session 

Daily reading time

Choosing the safest outside riding toys

Socializing with other children

"Wait... did that boy just take our son's block?!! I'm about to go talk to his parents."

Target brand diapers are now acceptable

Close monitoring of snack foods

Assuring ourselves that both children are treated equal and making sure we finish up that second child’s baby scrapbook

Three Children

Making sure clothes don’t have large stains

Limiting screen time

Avoiding other families that have sick children 

Casually making our way to the car at our friends' house after discovering their child has pink eye

Bathing regularly

Getting a good spot in the car drop off line to beat the tardy bell at school

Matching socks

Family bike/stroller rides

"I don't care if you don't like peeing outside. 
You can pee in the woods or hold it while we pedal down this bumpy gravel road."

One annual family portrait session resulting in one perfect picture

Finishing up all of the suggested school take home activities

Matching Easter outfits

Arriving to events on time

Visiting relatives

Wal-mart brand diapers are now an option 

Parent's Choice parents represent! :D

Four Children
Clothes that don’t smell like hot dogs

Does the dollar store sell diapers?

Making sure the coffee maker is programmed for in the morning 

On second thought, just give me the whole pot and a straw

Avoiding potty accidents

Wasps on the back porch

Convincing one of your older children to push the baby in the stroller 

"I bet you can't push your sister all the way back to the house.
Wow!! Look how strong you are!!
 I bet you can't unload all of these groceries..."

Inflated tires on bikes

Having milk in the fridge

Snakes from the ditch

“What’s a well visit at the doctor?”

Simply arriving at events regardless of the time 

"Sorry we are late.
Oh, is it over?
Well, can we just sit on your floor and eat the leftover cake?"

Running shampoo out to the kids while in they are in backyard plastic pool to avoid a bath

Figuring out which children’s tv show has the least annoying songs and characters and convincing your children to watch it

Pooping in private 

Four Children (as a single parent)

Clothes that fit (any condition will do)

Will it rain soon, I need my car washed. 

Cleanse us of our pollen

Keeping Phenergan in mass supply within the medicine cabinet

Hoping the parent sitting next to you has diapers because your child just pooped and all you brought was a bag of pretzels and sidewalk chalk

Having to piece together a dinner meal while simultaneously going over homework and sweeping the floor

Finding a good hiding spot for my Oreos

Poisonous snakes from the ditch

Having A LOT of milk in the fridge

Teaching your child to vomit on a hardwood surface rather than carpet when sick

Accidentally leaving your van door open so the neighborhood animals will clean up the crumbs on the floorboard

"Hello Human. Do you have anymore of those crushed up Frosted Flakes"

Hoping to take a quick snapshot of children to frame and give to your grandmother as a Christmas present. (Smiles optional, we are mostly focused on simply looking at the camera.

Be Blessed, 


  1. I am dying laughing. Seth, you are the best. Simply the best.

  2. ROFL!!!! I have several friends who have 4+ kids. This is all so true!!! I keep nursery at church, most often in the 1 year old room. You can usually tell the number of kids by the diaper bag or lack of one :) Hope y'all have a fun weekend!

  3. You seem to have taken what you received and didn't receive as a child and parent from that.

  4. The question ought to be whether or not we want a tutor who is extremely trained or the one who encompasses a higher background in teaching. Relationships

  5. Thank you for writing this awesome article. I'm a long time reader however I've never been compelled to leave a comment.
    I've bookmarked your website and shared this on Twitter.
    Many thanks again for a really good article!