Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Top Ten Reasons Kids are Cooler than Adults

10) Better conversationalists

“Have you heard of Dave Ramsey?”

“Looks like it’s about to rain…”

“Is this sandwich Gluten Free?”

“Thinking too hard makes my brain melt.”

“I love having stinky feet. It’s like having skunk superpowers”

“Do you know what a worm looks like when you eat one and poop it out? Cause I do.”

9) Honest about their eating habits

Adult 1- “I’ve been eating ultra healthy lately
Adult 2- “Is that a Wendy’s bag?”
Adult 1- Pauses “… I picked up hitchhiker eating French fries.”

“I’m not hungry for dinner. I just ate a roll of Bubbletape Gum.”

8) Kids truly love

“I can’t stand that guy. He’s a jerk, his breath smells like cheese, and I heard he steals toilet paper from the rest stop. Oh yeah, he also spreads ridiculous gossip about everyone.” 

“A mean boy at school stole my Pokemon card today. Tomorrow, I’m bringing all my cards and going to let him pick out some that he likes to keep. I think it would his heart happy. Then he won’t have to steal anymore."

7) They embrace and love their body image

“I look disgusting. My hair is the worst and these love handles drive me crazy.”

*Pulling up shirt* “I like having a big belly. When I slap it, it sounds like a drum. Plus, it gives me more room to draw on with my new markers.”

6) Not overly concerned with public opinion


“I’m not going out there to dance. There’s no one even on the dance floor yet, and everyone will stare at me.”

Child- “DAD! There’s an empty stage! Can I go dance?”
Dad – “Well, I would say yes. But that’s not a stage, it’s a pulpit… and we are at a funeral.”

5) Heightened Senses

“This tastes like chicken.”

“Did I hear what?”

“I know there’s broccoli in this soup. I can see the tree trunks. Nice try.”

*Dad quietly sneaks from the couch and heads outside. After double checking no one is around nor followed him, quietly settles into an inconspicuous spot in the back yard . Trying his best to avoid the crinkle noise, he carefully creates a small slit in the Snickers bar wrapper with his finger nail while simultaneously being watchfully vigilant of his surroundings. He goes in for the first bite…* 
Child (who apparently appeared from thin air) - “Whatca’ eating dad”

4) Imagination

“My life is boring… I need a boat... I’m going to buy a boat.”

“Hey dad! I just floated down the rain gutter on a garbage can lid. I named my new boat ‘Trashie’ because it smells like trash. It’s so fun! Hey, want to see my spaceship?!”

3) They don’t worry about putting a facade when taking selfies

“Take my picture from this angle. I look better. Also make sure to use a good filter to clear up my skin.”

 “I took a selfie! I look so great!

2) Natural encouragers

“I’m so behind on life. I mean just look at the yard. It’s so bad that I’m getting grass stains on my knees when I check the mail." 

“But look at the pretty wildflowers that grew! Yellow flowers are my favorite, and now I get to pick one every morning before school for my teacher."

1) Uninhibited

“I hate elevator rides. They are so awkward and uncomfortable. It’s just a weird silence.”

Kid (talking to a middle aged woman in the elevator): 
“If you give me a quarter, I won’t fart in here.”

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

1 comment:

  1. I'm laughing so hard at this! I just read your blog about Jules and I loved it so much, I decided to read some more of yours. This is hilarious! Kids are so great!