Wednesday, August 31, 2016

*Megow* Kids say the darndest things

The past few days my kids have been cranking out some real zingers in conversation. They made me laugh so hard and so much. Seriously, I freaking love the stuff kids say. I think that's one of the reasons I love kids. They are constantly saying things that make you squint your eyes, cock your head, think "what the heck", and bust out laughing.

Whenever the kids say something that's hilarious and ultra sweet, I try to make a note in my phone or post it to facebook. I have too many for one post but here's my favorites starting from today back to February 2016. I'll start collecting some of the other older ones for a later post.

Enjoy. I laughed at some of these so hard while I was remembering them saying this stuff. :)

______________________________

Me - "Why is the floor sticky?"
Titus - "I accidentally spilt hot dog juice."
Me - "That's disgusting."
Titus - "I don't like the sticky part but I love the smell of hot dog floor." *puts nose on the tile and inhales deeply*


(Loading up into the car after grocery shopping and Olive begins to frantically cry.)
Seth – “Olive, what’s wrong?!?”
Olive – “You didn’t buy me a flower potion!!”
Seth – “Huh?”
Olive *bawling*– “I’m never going to be a flower now!!”
*She continues to sob for about 20 minutes; however, immediately stops when she sees a feral cat running in grass beside our car.*
Olive – “I hate flower potions. I like dat cat now.”


Titus - "My teacher told me Abraham Lincoln was a really good president, but I don't know if he was that good, because his money can't buy nothing."


(Neela and her friend had a slumber party one Saturday night. The following conversation takes place the next day while loading up after church.)
Neela’s Friend - *Hands me a warm egg.”
Seth - *Out of reflex due to the fact that it was warm, I drop it on the ground and it splatters.*
Seth- “Girls!? Where did you find a raw egg at church?”
Neela *Dying laughing* - “It’s not from church. It’s from home!”
Seth *flabbergasted*– “What?! Why did you have an egg in church? And why is it warm?!?”
Neela’s friend – “We took turns hatching it during church.”
Seth – “WHAT?! WHERE?!”
Neela – “On our butts. In our underwear. We were mommy birds today.”
Seth - *silently thanks God for holding that egg together for 90 minutes of 40 pounds of pressure*

Side note: Can you even imagine that call from children’s church?Children’s Pastor – 
“Umm Seth... The visitor you brought has raw egg dripping from the butt of her pants.”HAHAHA


Titus- “I want to be a kid forever. I don’t want to grow up.”
Stevie – “I know. I love being a kid. One day we will be old like dad. Because then you die.”
Seth – “Guys!?! Hahaha. How old do you think I am?!?”
Stevie – 32.”
Seth – “Nope. I’m 31.”
Stevie – “Ok. Well… You are ALMOST old.”
Neela – “Dad, since you are about to die. Can you buy us a dog?”
Titus – “And buy us an Icee today… Just in case.”


(At bedtime)
Olive - "I got Jesus a surprise today."
Seth - "What did you get him baby?"
Olive -"My heart."


Neela - "I see that look in your eye. Don't you say it. Don't say the K word. I know you're about to say it. I hate the K word...Klean.


Seth - "Olive, how do you want your hair this morning?"
Olive - "Elsa. No wait. Wolf!."
Seth - *trying to figure out wolf hair*
Olive - "I changed my mind again."
Seth - "Ok. What do you want now?"
Olive - "Ice Cream Cone Head"


Titus - “Dad, guess where I got this gum I'm chewing.”
Me - “No thanks.”
Titus - “Are you sure you don't want to know?”
Me - “Yes. I'm sure that I do not want to know where you found old gum.”
Titus - “My door! HA! I found it stuck to my bedroom door!”
Olive - “I found a unicorn fart on my door.”


Seth - "Big news guys!"
Neela - "You're finally going on a date?!"
Seth - *laughing* No. Stevie lost a tooth."
Olive - "Yay. I want to meet the tooth fairy. I love her."
Stevie - "I need to write her a note saying I need $5 this time."
Titus - "Me too. I'm still waiting on my tooth fairy money! I need $5 too."
Neela - "Wow! The tooth fairy is rich. Hey dad! Is she married? You should date her."


(While in the car)
Olive - "Daddy I need to poop."
Seth - "Ok. We are about to be at Publix. You can poop there."
Olive - "No. I need to poop at Jumping Jacks."


(While making snowcones at the house)
Seth - "Neela will get out the snow cone syrup please?"
Neela *reaches in the fridge to grab it* - "Dad! It's completely empty!"
Seth - "Titus! I know that was you. Dude, that's like 8000 grams of sugar! You are going to be sick!!"
Titus - "It was worth it."


Neela - "Sometimes when I'm grumpy, I go to sleep to keep from getting in trouble. But I'm normally grumpy at school or doing chores, but I can't go to sleep because I get in trouble for sleeping during that stuff. How am I not supposed to get in trouble at things that make me grumpy if I can't sleep. Life is happy but it's confusing."


Stevie – “Dad I love you, but your breath is hot today. Can you talk at the sky?”


Titus - "Dad?"
Seth - "Yes?"
Titus - "The best thing ever is loving God."
Neela - "...and eating."


Dad - "Do you guys want some new Crocs for the spring?"
Stevie - "Dad... Ew. Crocs? Gross." 


Neela – “You need a haircut.”
Seth – “Why do you say that?”
Neela – “There’s a moth stuck in your hair.”


Stevie: "FAMILY MEETING!"
*I walk in to find all of my children sitting in a circle on the floor*
Neela: "Titus, Tell him..."
Titus: "Stevie, you tell him..."
Stevie: "We have decided that it's time we adopt another kid into our family."
*before I can speak*
Titus: "Don't worry dad! You get to decide if it's a boy or a girl. It's just that, if we 'dadopt' a girl this time, we will have to get a boy next time."
Olive: "I love our new baby."


Olive - “Being four years old makes me so tired. I like three years old better.”
Seth – “Why do you like being three than four?”
Olive – “You ask me too many questions now.”


(Titus walks into my room at about 3am and wakes me up)
Titus: “Daddy, can we bake a cake?”


Neela – “This is the best day!”
Seth – “That’s excellent! So you didn’t have to move your clip in class?”
Neela – “No. I had to move my clip.”
Seth – “Oh. Well, did you make a new friend or something?”
Neela – “No.”
Seth – “Did you really like your lunch?”
Neela – “No it was gross.”
Seth *laughing* - “Why was your day so good then?”
Neela – “School is over.”


Dad - "Olive please drink your water."
Olive - "Dad. This is not water; it's melted ice. I am not drinking this. Disgusting."


Seth - "Neela do you want to play a sport next year?"
Neela - "Yes! Except I only don't want to play the one were you throw the baseball and hit it with the baseball bat. But I can't remember the name of that sport."


(While playing at the park)
Titus - *sucking on a RingPop.*
Seth - "Where did you get that?"
Titus *pops it out of his mouth and smiles* - "You really don't want to know."


Neela - "Daddy?"
Seth - "Yes."
Neela - "When I grow up, I'm moving to Africa."
Seth - "That sounds incredible!"
Neela - "So I won't be able to make it to your funeral."


Stevie – “Hey daddy, whatca doing?”
Seth- “Oh, just writing.”
Stevie – “For work?”
Seth – “Nope. For my website?”
Stevie – “You mean your blog?”
Seth- *smiles and nods*
Stevie – “I love your blog.”
Seth – “Really? Have you ever read any of it?”
Stevie – “No. But I have a lot of people tell me stories you write. It makes people happy. I love when we make people happy.”
Seth – “I love to write about you.”
Stevie – “I love you too. I’m going to lie down on your back while you write.”
Seth – *heart melted*


Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
Seth

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