Thursday, September 14, 2017

Top 10 List - "The Perks of Single Parenting"

While I freaking love all of my two parent families so much and in all honesty don't really feel much stress difference between two parent/single parent families (read about that why I feel that way here), this post is a shout-out to my fellow single parent peeps. However, in truth a lot of this applies to being a parent in general. :)

Side note: Can you tell I hate leaving people out? hahahaha

Top 10 Perks of Single Parenting:

10) Excellent hygiene - Being a solo parent gives you the privilege of being the permanent and primary (well only) target for all projectile vomit streams, booger cannons, and crusty orange Cheetos fingers. This provides the opportunity for multiple hand washes, outfit changes, and bathing sessions a day :)

9) Having the entire bed to yourself -

“Ahhh this entire comfy bed all to myself”
*peeks around corner*
“What?...No, you can’t sleep in here. You have your own bed.”
*six hours later*

8) - You never have to sleep alone - (see above)

7) Almost super human immune system – Due to the fact that I am generally busy still preparing drinks shortly after putting everyone’s plates on the table and not sitting down eating with the them yet, most of the food I stick in my mouth has a 43% chance of either being touched by hands that just touched a frog, being the fresh recipient of a sneeze, or being knocked on the floor by a few children who decided to play a nice relaxing game of “Cheetah vs Honey Badger – A Fight to the Death” around the dinner table. I just tell myself my kids want to keep me healthy and are purposely boosting my immune system.

6) Absolute control of the car radio – Well, at least for a few songs then we will listen to ‘I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas’ for the remainder of the trip (regardless of the fact that it's September).

5) You command enough authority to merge the “Mom Glare” and the “Dad Voice” into one purely spine-chilling heed to obey

4) There’s not another parent around to tell you ‘No’ – “Ok guys, who wants to pick out a crazy outfit for school picture day?” *Looks around for another adult to object* “Great! Let’s get crazy with it!”

"Sure, you can wear your heart moonboots."

3) A permanent “get out of boring conversations” card – It is literally a law that kids must interrupt their parents’ adult conversation at least every 5-6 minutes. Since you’re the only parent present you can relax if you find yourself in a terribly dreary talk with another adult, because guaranteed in about 42 seconds a child is going to bust into that conversation giving you a quick and effective get away.

2) Language Morality Checks – Since it’s just you and the kid(s), most conversations and activities are with them, and oh boy, can kids pick out even the slightest of colorful language. In our house don’t even think about saying anything vulgar. This is a literal conversation between me and Stevie:

Stevie *walking up to me solemn and slow*:
"Daddy, I heard you say the 'f word' last night when you were on the phone."
Seth: "What?! No you didn't."
Stevie: "Yes. I did. I heard you say it!"
Seth: "Baby, I never say that word."
Stevie: "Well, last night you did."
Seth: "What 'f word' are you talking about?"
Stevie: "You said 'I'm so freaking tired.' Daddy you know 'Freaking' is a word we shouldn't say."

Lately, my current vocabulary is clean enough that I could record it and use it as a Baby Einstein’s DVD commentary :)

1) Permanent Wingman- Being a single parent is tough. I admit that. However I will say that being solo with young kids is a pretty significant opposite sex attention grabber. You really don’t have to put yourself there out there. Like at all. For example:

*While we are grocery shopping Seth spots cute woman on the bread isle*
Seth – “Hello.”
Woman – “Hi.”
Neela – “Are you married?”
*Seth stunned*
Stevie – “Neela! Don’t ask! You are supposed to look to see if she has a ring on hand, right dad?”
*Seth kind of awkwardly smiles and chuckles*
Titus – “My dad is really tall.”
Olive – “And hairy.”
*Seth now pretending to browse the bread selection to avoid any eye contact*
Neela – “So do you want to marry him or not? We still have to finish grocery shopping.”

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,



  1. Ha, Love. Simple truth. As always thank you for sharing! Needed a fix of your writing before bed. Night.

  2. I found a post of yours on Love What Matters and decided to check out your blog and I should be sleeping right now but I can’t stop reading your posts. I’m constantly smiling and laughing as I continue on reading. I can see and picture all the love and real ness behind each post. It’s beautiful!