Sunday, December 18, 2016

My Ideal Mate

Recently, I’ve been dealing with some drama and stuff regarding my ex. I originally was going to type up a post about all of that crap. However, I feel like it’s not really anything I want to discuss at the moment, and more importantly it’s my nature to look more towards the future than the past. So in this post, I want to talk about something I have never really discussed in depth before on the blog… my ideal mate.

Let me start off by saying this is in no means and advertisement for myself looking for dates. Nor is it a statement that I am ultra desire a girlfriend/wife at the moment. I think it’s more something for myself. I hope people don’t view this as desperation, because I can assure you it’s not. I just think people are just curious about my little crew and our situation. People ask me a lot about remarriage or dating. Normally, I just have my typically stock answers for those questions; however one question always stumps me, “What are you looking for in a wife.” Hmmm… Every time I get asked I normally just deflect it by cracking a fart joke. I really never really thought deeply about the issue. I think that’s why I wanted to type this up. So I’m about to wing the crap outta this thing and hopefully, we can all figure this out together we as go along.

So first things first. I’m looking for a partner and wife. Not a mom for my kids. Personally, I think it’s a big mistake going down the “finding a new parent for your kids” route. My kids will grow up. I want a connection besides my kids. However on the flip, I’m very attracted to someone with a compassionate heart and nurturing spirit when it comes to my kids. I’m not looking for a replacement mom for my kids. However, someone to fall in love with them as they are falling in love with me would be my dream. We are kinda a package deal ;)

That brings up the topic of single parenting. Realistically, I would like to find a single parent. I can’t even being to comprehend the challenges of blended families, but I just know I would like to not be the only ones bringing kids into the mix. People never end up as a single parent without some sort of sadness in their story. The kids and I have our own little story. This results in various behaviors, insecurities, self-doubts, flaws, etc. I just feel it would be mutually beneficial to have someone that kind of “gets it”. I need someone to not only be patient with my kids as they work through stuff, but me as well. I’ve worked through my divorce. I’m healthy and whole in that area; however, there was a lot of hurt. I’m sure things will pop up and I need someone patient and accepting.

But let’s talk more about the traits that I love. One of the things I truly love in people is selflessness and humility. In a world of selfies and materialism, it’s something that I feel is such a rare thing to find. I love when I notice these little traits of love in someone from their actions. They don’t purposefully talk about themselves. They love just to love. Not for recognition or reward. Just being Jesus to people. No frills. No fancy title. No reward. I can’t think of someone I love more.

Another thing I love is a serene and fulfilled spirit. Just FYI,  I’m not super big on money. It’s nice to have for fun special events, but I’m not looking for a highlight reel marriage. You know what I mean, just living from big event to big event. I’m more interested in a Tuesday night marriage. I want someone that is fulfilled with quiet times spent together. Someone who is more interested in intimate moments like laying on the couch reading a book while I play with her hair and write a blog post than someone who is constantly looking forward to the weekend. I think the best way to summarize this is that I want someone who enjoys each day as a gift.

Kindness and gentleness is a big one for me. I freaking melt when a see a tender heart. I’m a sucker for a women like that. I like a woman with deep emotions. From what I’ve seen deep emotions are my favorite. It results in deep fulfillment and deep satisfaction. I’m attracted to a sensitive heart. I mean everyone has their own tastes, so don’t think this is the “right way or wrong way” to be, but a sensitive woman is just so feminine and I love that. However, I will say… I also like my women with a feisty side. I guess I like a woman that could be described as the sweetest little woman, but someone you don’t want to piss off. Hahaha

Also, I would love to find someone with an artistic side. The world that God made is so beautiful. I think it’s so neat when people can capture that with whatever their chosen medium. I like when the artistic side of someone flows into their personality and gives them a quirky, one of kind little personality. I enjoy quirky. However, to bounce of off that completely, I am also looking for a “planner”. I’m very happy to bounce from moment to moment. Although there’s a lot of good to be found in how I live and think, someone to reign me in from time to time would be nice :)

I’m big on love languages. It’s one of the first things I try to pick up whenever I’m around someone new. I know my kids love languages and work them into my daily parenting. As a spouse, it’s super big for me to be aware of these. I want someone to recognize mine and make an effort for me to feel loved. My past marriage was hell to walk through and I’ve been a single parent for so long, having someone make a point to make me feel valued in a relationship would be nice.

Hmmmm… what’s next. Oh yeah. Humor. I freaking love to laugh. I would like someone who gets my humor. Also, I mean they don’t have to be hilarious per se, but someone who could make me laugh would be nice.

Can you tell I’m just winging this? I never really sat down to type it up before. What’s next… I like people who have their own interests and passions. I’m not looking for someone to just like everything I like or want to do everything I do. Why would I want to be with myself? I’m not that cool. I want to be able to learn about your interests and things you are passionate about. :)

Since I’ve been a single dad for quite a while, I’ve grown pretty independent. I want someone who’s also someone independent (another reason for a single mom). I want space to do things with my kids at times. However, one of my two big love languages are quality time. So while, I like to have my me time, I also want someone who wants and makes it point to spend together. I know that’s ultra confusing. I don’t like someone who is super clingy, but views me as valuable enough want to be around me more than not.  I want to know someone wants to talk and spend time with me.

I love when people are themselves. Seriously, I absolutely love it. I’m not talking about being different just to be different. I’m talking about when you are just you. You pick your clothes because it’s how you want to dress. You cultivate your hobbies because you truly enjoy them. (Take for example, how I’m drifting into the second person point of view by using “you” a lot in this post. I know it’s grammatically incorrect, but it’s how I feel like typing it. So that means I’m just gonna do it). I like when people own who they are.

Ok. I guess I will need to discuss the various things I am physically attracted to. Here’s what I’m attracted to: A sweet smile that results in squinty little eyes, someone wearing their natural hair color, someone who has tiny little features about them that are different. Basically, I love a cute woman. I’m not really big on “sexy”. I don’t know if I have an exact taste though.

All this being said, I think I’m kind of picky? Maybe it’s because I’m not really looking at the moment. However, I just kind of know I’m ready. Mostly due to the fact that I’m happily single. I think me and my kids have many areas of improvement, but for the most part, we have our little life on lockdown. We don’t NEED a woman, which is nice because I don’t feel pressure to find one nor would feel pressured bringing someone into our lives. It’s just a weird feeling I’ve been having lately. Like I might be in a relationship sooner than later. I can’t really explain it. It’s just this gut feeling, and I’m pretty at peace about it.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,


  1. I love reading your blog's Seth.

  2. Nice post. Now that I'm single I get asked all the time what I am looking for. Tough question to answer. But your response is very thoughtful and I agree with much of what you've said, other than the physical part, since I'm a girl.