The past few months my blog has been pretty barren. Rehashing older posts or posting some quick, easy things just for a quick laugh or storing memories for down the road for my kids. You know, for the life of me I couldn't put my finger on exactly why this happened. It's not writer's block, as I've had plenty of possible ideas for topics. It's just every time I sit to type something feels off. As I was talking to someone tonight, I think I know why. There's some sort of change coming in my life. I think that happens to so many of us when change is right around the corner. I can't exactly tell you what the change is, I am just certain it's coming.
I think I'm discovering as I type that the point of this post is the simply convey the feelings I have about this future mystery change. It's hard to express. Normally I'm pretty good at conveying my emotions and feelings into written words, but this is different. It's the uncertainty of knowing something is going to happen in your life soon, but not knowing what or when. It's praying and hoping for the change to be wonderful and exciting, while not getting my hopes too high up in case it's not what I expected. Not that it would be less wonderful, it would simply be different then the mental image I painted in my head. Maybe I would describe it as feeling intense vibrations on the ground while you are about to cross a big hill. Not really certain what or who is over that hill, it could be a big fun amusement park or maybe a pack of hungry, rabid hyenas. All I know is there's definitely something different than on the path previously.
It's moments like these that I'm reminded of how important Faith is in our life. I don't really know what to expect because honestly, I don't exactly know what I'm walking into. The only thing I do know is God is Faithful and will walk with me. This is super comforting to me as a single parent because as I encounter change, I'm not alone. I have Someone who already knows what's over the hill. Whether it be amazingly good or not so good, He knows and He's not leaving my side. That's such an amazing feeling. There are so many times I think of myself solely responsible for decisions that affect my children when they are in my care. Truthfully, that will eat you alive. It's why I constantly have to remind myself that God is not only with me but for me.
So many times we as new parents, new adults, new employees, new students... basically anything new, experience that deep breath of pause and reflection before beginning. Some do a quick in and out breath and are ready to go. Others like to take their time to focus on various aspects of what they might encounter. I don't believe there is a right or wrong way to mentally prepare for change. It just happens. I believe once change is on the horizon, it's coming whether we are prepared or not.
There is one thing that I am reminded of as I'm finishing up: In the book of Mark, the disciples and Jesus encounter a boy and his father in a crowd of people. The Scripture says the boy was being controlled by an evil spirit. In the past the disciples demonstrated they had the Faith in God to cast out evil spirits, but this one wasn't budging when the disciples tried to cast it out. Jesus spoke with the crowd and the father of the boy briefly and then immediately cast out the spirit. Later on when the disciples asked Jesus why they couldn't cast it out, Jesus simply replied "this kind only come out by prayer".
Now... I'm pretty positive you are wondering why the heck I'm talking about Jesus casting out a demon in a random post about changes in my life. Hahahaha. Well, I assure you no one in my home is possessed. The reason it comes to mind is the fact that Jesus was instantly able to cast it out; however, when asked why by the disciples why they weren't able to, He said it required prayer. Was there a point in that story where Jesus retreated in private to pray? Nope. Did He pray right before ordering the spirit to leave? Nope. To me that means He must have been praying beforehand. This is just my personal interpretation, but the prayer He prayed before arriving at the situation prepared Him for what was to come. There wasn't time to seek and commune with God when He was in front of the boy, but He had already had that prayer with His Father previously. Whether Jesus learned in his previous prayer time that He would be encountering this boy or if He was just praying and communing with His Father doesn't interest me at the moment. It's just proof that prayer is not only important but essential to our success in the future.
Going back to whatever change I feel coming, I'm positive that I need to be praying before I get there. Hahahaha. I just don't want to get into a situation, find myself in a bind, and ask Jesus for help, only to realize I haven't prayed at all about any of this prior. I don't want to be a "help me" prayer person. Only reaching out in times of need or concern. To me prayer is so much more than a one or even two sided conversation with God. It's a way to realign our spirit man with God. Inner peace, a positive mental mindset, and joy are also some of my favorite bonuses that come along with it as well.
Now all of that being said, I have a feeling this is going to be a wonderful thing/change for me and my family. I just wanted to remind myself that I need to continue to pray regardless of how I feel in the moment. Because even if the change is amazingly beautiful, the only thing prayer can do is make it even better.
Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
I saw your story on Love What Matters today, and I have the exact same pictures with my kids in our van. It was awesome to see. I felt moved to come and try to connect with you, and tried to ignore it but lingering still stands.
Thanks for sharing.