"This post is pretty personal and serious. Sorry. I promise it won't happen again for awhile.
If you don't want to read it, skip to the bottom, there is a funny picture." - Seth
I have been asked by a few people lately why I choose to stay single. Honestly, there have been a few sweet, cute girls that have caught my eye that I’m sure we could have had fun dating. I think there are two main reasons why I make this decision. This post is going to be a little personal, but hey I’m writing this at 3am and I just want to get it off my chest so why not. The order might throw you off at first but I think it will make sense as you read it.
Reason #1) Crissy - My Ex-Wife
I’m sure some people are thinking. “He’s probably just heartbroken, too sad to date, or just bitter”. I really don’t think it’s that. Let me explain and give a little history about the our marriage (something I try not to bring up too much on here) Also, for those of our reading that might get worried that I’m falling back in love with her, I’m not; however, I do think it’s important to remember positive things and be grateful for our blessings. Our marriage was a huge blessing and pretty much a dream come true. A healthy relationship between parents is a true gift to your children.
We met when we were 18. We were best friends until I fell in love with her. When I talked to her about it (I wrote a letter. I wasn’t as confident as I am now, so I was nervous), she said no. When I asked her what my chances were on being with her, she told me “you have absolutely no chance at all”. Hahaha. I still laugh about that. We stopped hanging out after that. Well, time passed and she couldn’t really resist the “Megow Charm”. Eventually, she called me up and wanted me to come over. That night I remember we were helping our friend Melissa move, so we dressed up in overalls and she painted on a beard to look like a mover (Crissy has my same humor). Anyways, that night we ended up kissing. To be honest, I got so excited; I went to the bathroom and puked. HAHAHAHA. We got engaged shortly after and got married about 6 months after we first kissed.
Our first church directory photo together.
We were legit cool.
We were married at 19 and were pretty much dirt poor. Just living on love man. We were both full time college students and both working 2-3 jobs at a time to get by. It was one of my favorite times in my life. We worked all of our jobs together and took as many classes as we could together. Did I mention we were also dirt poor? One of our friends Kelley worked at the college bookstore and gave us a huge stack of Whataburger coupons for free hamburgers. We ate that EVERYDAY for lunch. I remember one day we didn’t have enough money to pay for the .41 cents for cheese on our burger. Our first apartment was a one room roach motel that had 6 foot ceilings (I’m 6’2). As we grew older, we grew closer. We started having babies, graduating college, and getting real jobs. After ten years of a wonderful marriage, I could honestly write a book about all of the funny and amazing stories we have together. For some reason, one that always sticks out in my mind (and the one that always makes me cry now) is this one:
It was a Friday night (I think around Fall 2009) and we were just sitting on the couch together talking, suddenly one of us came up with the idea of a yard sale. It was probably about 10pm and everything in Hahira was closed, so we rummaged through our drawers and dressers for about an hour and couldn’t find any stickers or anything to make prices with. So we just decided to just have a free yard sale and give away things to people that might want them. We stayed up throughout the night looking for things we didn’t need or use anything and started to set them out. Crissy went to sleep around 1 or 2am and I just stayed up setting everything out in the driveway. Eventually around 6am, Crissy woke up and joined me outside with two cups of coffee. We just sat there early in the morning drinking our coffee, talking, and laughing. After that, we finished setting up and then woke up the kids. Stevie and Neela wanted to make some money, so they made some cookies with mom and sold them during our sale. We didn’t really make any money, since we gave everything away for free; however the girls made about $20 selling snacks, so after the yard sale we packed up and they treated the family to Cici’s pizza with the money they earned. I remember that evening so vividly. We got home and opened the blinds (we had a huge window in our living room) and let the kids sing karaoke while we just sat on the floor all being together as a family. Crissy and I did some remarkable things together; however that simple memory of pure love, happiness, and family really sticks with me.
Perfect day to give some stuff away
PS. I look just like my brother Thad in this picture
Aren't Neela and Olive twins??!!
Titus stealing the cookies :)
Hahaha. It was mostly for fun. We didn't have much to give away.
Stevie back when her favorite shirt was her "Beiber Fever" shirt
The reason I bring that up is to talk about why I don’t want to date. Crissy and I were TIGHT. I mean really tight. When she left, it crushed me. I was absolutely 110% in love with her. I had already planned out our grandparents names (Nena and Pootie) and our retirement plans (traveling around festivals like her granddad used to do, but instead of selling things, we would make free balloons animals, candy, and stuff for kids). My world completely flipped upside down the day she told me she wasn’t in love with me anymore. I remember exactly what we were doing and the exact spot we were standing. Not really going to go into that. Mostly, I want to focus on our solid connection and Godly foundation we had in our marriage. The first real reason I don’t have interest in dating is I’m still trying to figure out how to replace that relationship. It was really a dream marriage. Sure we both screwed up from time to time, but thinking back, I’m shocked how great we had it. I guess I took it for granted at the time. Now that I’m single, I am just not sure where to even begin. I know I’m healed up from those wounds, but I think Crissy and I both set the bar extremely high for each other in terms of significant others. It’s hard to explain. But that’s the first reason. I think I have this ultra-high level of relationship expectations. I know it’s possible because I’ve had it once and I’m not really going to settle for anything less than that. Hahahaha. I think I’ll be waiting awhile.
Reason #2 - My Kids
When we were going through our hard times, I wasn’t really myself. I would yell and get upset just because I felt like my life was falling apart around me. During and even after the divorce, I would get my feelings hurt or get really upset about things and just become extremely depressed. My kids never really suffered or went without, but they didn’t have the happy daddy they were used to. I couldn’t imagine how hard that was for them. Having a mom that wasn’t there much and a dad that was a crapshoot emotionally. When I finally found peace (Praise God!), I promised myself I would always put my kids first in pretty much every aspect of life. I guess I feel it’s too risky to dive into anything, unless I am 100% confident that I am walking into something with my future wife. Nothing less will do. My kids are beyond amazing and especially after what they had to go through deserve a dad that’s beyond amazing back. Well, I can’t match their level of awesome, but I can promise I try my damnedest to be. Sure our little family may be a little non-traditional with the way we do things, but it’s what works for us. My kids know I love them more than anything else in the world. There’s no way I would let a relationship (that would probably just end up with a sad breakup anyways) come between that. They honestly crave all of my attention and at their age, I feel they deserve it. Yes, sometimes it’s physically draining, but it’s so emotionally fulfilling to see them happy. I would take a happy heart and a tired body over the alternative any day.
Love these little people :)
So that’s my first pretty serious post and probably the last one for awhile. J So in order to make sure everyone reading this leaves smiling, let me share this with you.
For some reason, this picture makes me die laughing every time I look at it.
You should have given a tear warning to this post! ugh i can't emotionally handle this, i'm sitting here sobbing. I think for me personally it's been so hard seeing what's happened with you guys b/c y'all were the truest of true soul mates and I just don't see how there can be a Seth without a Crissy or a Crissy without a Seth. I always envied your love and the natural bond you shared together. You are so awesome and deserve all the love in the world and I'm confident that God's timing will work out and you will have that soulmate love again :) I'm also SO happy that you are SO happy now! God is good in all things!ReplyDelete
Thanks friend :) I honestly didn't know it would turn out like that. I just sat down and started typing.Delete
You are so AWESOME in your honesty. Guess what? It's another tool in your belt...something that can never ever be taken away from you. That's power, man.
And one other thing: I wanted to add something to your FB post the other day. I couldn't figure out how to say it, so it will probably come out rather clumsily. I think people who look to other people for their own happiness don't find it. Because another person cannot be responsible for your happiness; only YOU can. Other people can add it to it, sure; and perfect unions do take two. But all beings were made complete just by themselves. It doesn't take another to make you complete. Rock on, nevvy. Keep learning and stay bendy. You attract a whole lot of light and wonderfulness to you, just by being who you are. xxxooo.
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I think one of the biggest mistakes you can make re-entering the world of dating is to expect to find someone like your ex-wife. I know because I too am divorced. The beauty of relationships is that each and every one is different and unique. Never to be replicated. You would be doing yourself a grave injustice to compare anyone to what you once had. You simply won't find it, but what you will find in due time is a woman that will love you just as fiercely in her own, unique way!!!ReplyDelete
i have great facts for you to laugh about, its 10 dating online fun facts https://kovla.com/blog/top-10-list-of-fun-online-dating-facts/ i hope you will like it!enjoyReplyDelete