Top Ten Reasons Kids are Cooler than Adults #2

I made the first edition to this post a few months back and it’s still one of my favorite posts ever.

If you haven’t read it yet, you can you can check it out here. 

So with that being said, I felt like making a sequel to that post. Let’s dive in! :)

10) Naturally hilarious:

Adults:

“I’m hilarious once you get a few drinks in me.”

Kids:

“Dad. My friend invited me to his birthday. I want to make his present all by myself instead of buying it.”

*Comes back a few minutes later holding a tooth*

“I just pulled my tooth. Can you help me duct tape it to this string, so I can make him a necklace?”

9) Make things simple with relationships:

Adults:

“What are we?”

“I only message him/her through facebook so I can see if he/she has read my message or not.”

“How can I win his/her heart?”

Kids:

“I have two boys that both want to be my valentine. So I set up a competition at recess tomorrow. The winner gets to be my valentine.”

“Hello. I like your cat. Want to marry my dad?”

 “I need to wear my hair in a mohawk, so I can get a girlfriend today. Girls like mohawks.”

8) Breaking the ice with new people (Examples of conversation starters):

Adults:

“So what do you do for work?”

“How about this weather?”

*Thinks to self* “I’m just socially awkward and weird. I know they won’t like me” *Walks away*

Kids:

“I know a lot about aminals. Can your dog spend the night with me?”

“I ate too much sherbet. I threw up rainbow over there.” *points to pile of colorful puke in the grass*

 “I like to pee outside, because girls can pee standing up outside.”

7) They say things to your face not behind your back:

Adults:

“I can’t believe what she’s wearing. She looks ridiculous.”

Kids:

“Do you have a cat or did you buy that sweatshirt with cat hair already all over it?”

6) Never afraid to claim any type of bodily function:

Adults:

“It wasn’t me.”

Kids:

“It was me!”

5) Answering the tough questions:

Adults:

“Black Lives Matter”

“All Lives Matter”

“Blue Lives Matter”

Kids:

“Today everyone I meet, I’m going to hug and tell them I love them.”

4) Find the fun in every situation:

Adults:

“This is officially the most boring and unnecessary meeting of my life.”

Kids:

“Ok dad. During this meeting, we are going to have a ‘Biggest Spit Bubble Competition’. We will take pictures on your phone so you can judge after it’s over.”

3) They are the closet things to senior citizens (who are undoubtedly cooler than regular adults, so can be placed on the same level of cool as kids)

Adults:

“I need to really watch my caloric intake today.”

Kids/Senior Citizens:

“Let's just eat cake for lunch.”

2) Naturally Expressive

Adults:

“I sat through a few seminars on how to clear my mind and focus my inner-needs. This evening I’m going to meditate for a couple of hours so I can surface these feelings into my subconscious. Then I will be able to accurately portray on canvas how I am currently feeling about my existence and deepest desires.

Kids

“I have to use the bathroom, so I drew a picture of an alien named Ms. Butt standing on poop.”

1) Healthy Confidence

Adults:

 “I wish I could cut my hair like that, but I wouldn’t be able to pull it off.”

Kids

“Dad, where’s the scissors? Neela wants to cut my hair. I told her she could because she really wants to. Even if she messes up, I will still be pretty. Because your heart makes you beautiful not your hair.”

*Megow* Kids say the darndest things

The past few days my kids have been cranking out some real zingers in conversation. They made me laugh so hard and so much. Seriously, I freaking love the stuff kids say. I think that's one of the reasons I love kids. They are constantly saying things that make you squint your eyes, cock your head, think "what the heck", and bust out laughing.

Whenever the kids say something that's hilarious and ultra sweet, I try to make a note in my phone or post it to facebook. I have too many for one post but here's my favorites starting from today back to February 2016. I'll start collecting some of the other older ones for a later post.

Enjoy. I laughed at some of these so hard while I was remembering them saying this stuff. :)

______________________________

Me - "Why is the floor sticky?"
Titus - "I accidentally spilt hot dog juice."
Me - "That's disgusting."
Titus - "I don't like the sticky part but I love the smell of hot dog floor." *puts nose on the tile and inhales deeply*


(Loading up into the car after grocery shopping and Olive begins to frantically cry.)
Seth – “Olive, what’s wrong?!?”
Olive – “You didn’t buy me a flower potion!!”
Seth – “Huh?”
Olive *bawling*– “I’m never going to be a flower now!!”
*She continues to sob for about 20 minutes; however, immediately stops when she sees a feral cat running in grass beside our car.*
Olive – “I hate flower potions. I like dat cat now.”

Titus - "My teacher told me Abraham Lincoln was a really good president, but I don't know if he was that good, because his money can't buy nothing."

(Neela and her friend had a slumber party one Saturday night. The following conversation takes place the next day while loading up after church.)
Neela’s Friend - *Hands me a warm egg.”
Seth - *Out of reflex due to the fact that it was warm, I drop it on the ground and it splatters.*
Seth- “Girls!? Where did you find a raw egg at church?”
Neela *Dying laughing* - “It’s not from church. It’s from home!”
Seth *flabbergasted*– “What?! Why did you have an egg in church? And why is it warm?!?”
Neela’s friend – “We took turns hatching it during church.”
Seth – “WHAT?! WHERE?!”
Neela – “On our butts. In our underwear. We were mommy birds today.”
Seth - *silently thanks God for holding that egg together for 90 minutes of 40 pounds of pressure*

Side note: Can you even imagine that call from children’s church?Children’s Pastor – 

“Umm Seth... The visitor you brought has raw egg dripping from the butt of her pants.”HAHAHA


Titus- “I want to be a kid forever. I don’t want to grow up.”
Stevie – “I know. I love being a kid. One day we will be old like dad. Because then you die.”
Seth – “Guys!?! Hahaha. How old do you think I am?!?”
Stevie – 32.”
Seth – “Nope. I’m 31.”
Stevie – “Ok. Well… You are ALMOST old.”
Neela – “Dad, since you are about to die. Can you buy us a dog?”
Titus – “And buy us an Icee today… Just in case.”


(At bedtime)
Olive - "I got Jesus a surprise today."
Seth - "What did you get him baby?"
Olive -"My heart."


Neela - "I see that look in your eye. Don't you say it. Don't say the K word. I know you're about to say it. I hate the K word...Klean.

Seth - "Olive, how do you want your hair this morning?"
Olive - "Elsa. No wait. Wolf!."

Seth - *trying to figure out wolf hair*

Olive - "I changed my mind again."

Seth - "Ok. What do you want now?"

Olive - "Ice Cream Cone Head"


Titus - “Dad, guess where I got this gum I'm chewing.”
Me - “No thanks.”
Titus - “Are you sure you don't want to know?”
Me - “Yes. I'm sure that I do not want to know where you found old gum.”
Titus - “My door! HA! I found it stuck to my bedroom door!”
Olive - “I found a unicorn fart on my door.”

Seth - "Big news guys!"
Neela - "You're finally going on a date?!"
Seth - *laughing* No. Stevie lost a tooth."
Olive - "Yay. I want to meet the tooth fairy. I love her."
Stevie - "I need to write her a note saying I need $5 this time."
Titus - "Me too. I'm still waiting on my tooth fairy money! I need $5 too."
Neela - "Wow! The tooth fairy is rich. Hey dad! Is she married? You should date her."

(While in the car)
Olive - "Daddy I need to poop."
Seth - "Ok. We are about to be at Publix. You can poop there."
Olive - "No. I need to poop at Jumping Jacks."


(While making snowcones at the house)
Seth - "Neela will get out the snow cone syrup please?"
Neela *reaches in the fridge to grab it* - "Dad! It's completely empty!"
Seth - "Titus! I know that was you. Dude, that's like 8000 grams of sugar! You are going to be sick!!"
Titus - "It was worth it."

Neela - "Sometimes when I'm grumpy, I go to sleep to keep from getting in trouble. But I'm normally grumpy at school or doing chores, but I can't go to sleep because I get in trouble for sleeping during that stuff. How am I not supposed to get in trouble at things that make me grumpy if I can't sleep. Life is happy but it's confusing."


Stevie – “Dad I love you, but your breath is hot today. Can you talk at the sky?”

Titus - "Dad?"
Seth - "Yes?"
Titus - "The best thing ever is loving God."
Neela - "...and eating."

Dad - "Do you guys want some new Crocs for the spring?"
Stevie - "Dad... Ew. Crocs? Gross." 

Neela – “You need a haircut.”
Seth – “Why do you say that?”
Neela – “There’s a moth stuck in your hair.”

Stevie: "FAMILY MEETING!"
*I walk in to find all of my children sitting in a circle on the floor*
Neela: "Titus, Tell him..."
Titus: "Stevie, you tell him..."
Stevie: "We have decided that it's time we adopt another kid into our family."
*before I can speak*
Titus: "Don't worry dad! You get to decide if it's a boy or a girl. It's just that, if we 'dadopt' a girl this time, we will have to get a boy next time."
Olive: "I love our new baby."


Olive - “Being four years old makes me so tired. I like three years old better.”
Seth – “Why do you like being three than four?”
Olive – “You ask me too many questions now.”

(Titus walks into my room at about 3am and wakes me up)
Titus: “Daddy, can we bake a cake?”

Neela – “This is the best day!”
Seth – “That’s excellent! So you didn’t have to move your clip in class?”
Neela – “No. I had to move my clip.”
Seth – “Oh. Well, did you make a new friend or something?”
Neela – “No.”
Seth – “Did you really like your lunch?”
Neela – “No it was gross.”
Seth *laughing* - “Why was your day so good then?”
Neela – “School is over.”

Dad - "Olive please drink your water."
Olive - "Dad. This is not water; it's melted ice. I am not drinking this. Disgusting."

Seth - "Neela do you want to play a sport next year?"
Neela - "Yes! Except I only don't want to play the one were you throw the baseball and hit it with the baseball bat. But I can't remember the name of that sport."

(While playing at the park)
Titus - *sucking on a RingPop.*
Seth - "Where did you get that?"
Titus *pops it out of his mouth and smiles* - "You really don't want to know."

Neela - "Daddy?"
Seth - "Yes."
Neela - "When I grow up, I'm moving to Africa."
Seth - "That sounds incredible!"
Neela - "So I won't be able to make it to your funeral."


Stevie – “Hey daddy, whatca doing?”
Seth- “Oh, just writing.”
Stevie – “For work?”
Seth – “Nope. For my website?”
Stevie – “You mean your blog?”
Seth- *smiles and nods*
Stevie – “I love your blog.”
Seth – “Really? Have you ever read any of it?”
Stevie – “No. But I have a lot of people tell me stories you write. It makes people happy. I love when we make people happy.”
Seth – “I love to write about you.”
Stevie – “I love you too. I’m going to lie down on your back while you write.”
Seth – *heart melted*


Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
Seth

The Deer Trifecta

A few days ago, I saw the most interesting saga unfold. I was driving to work and saw an armadillo dead in the middle of the road. I didn’t think anything of it. Since there is no shoulder on this busy road, it’s not really a place you can pull over to move it off the asphalt.  Needless to say, I saw it sitting there as I drove back home that evening. The next day on my way to work, I saw a buzzard eating the armadillo. On the way home that day, wouldn’t you know I saw a dead buzzard and a dead armadillo in that same spot? The next day, I saw another buzzard eating the dead buzzard that died eating the dead armadillo. Of course on the way home, I saw the second buzzard was now just a part of the pile… A big pile of roadkill. Gross. That got me thinking of a story that I haven’t told on the blog before.

It’s actually one of my favorite stories to tell in person. I wouldn't really say it's funny, it's just one those stories that I can get really into and act out in a really fun, intense way. So I just never felt like I could do it justice with writing alone. If you ask any of my close friends, they can confirm that I love to tell stories. It’s like my favorite thing to do. I get really into it. Some people describe themselves as hand talkers. I acknowledge that I’m a full body talker. I can’t tell a story sitting down. I physically feel the urge to walk around and dramatize every detail with my entire body :) So yeah, that’s why I’ve never talked about this one here before. I just feel I couldn’t do it justice. However, since I saw that big ole' pile of roadkill earlier this week, I guess that's a sign to just do it.

__________________________

I was a junior in high school. I remember it was December and on this night, it was freaking cold as crap. I was spending some time at high school crush’s house, when suddenly I noticed that I was already out past curfew, and I was about 20 minutes from the house. My dad was never mean about curfew, but he was the type of dad that sat waiting by the window until we got home. Plus I didn’t want to explain that I was at a girl’s house that late. So I jumped in the car and started to speed off home. As most of you know, there are a lot of backwoods roads in South Georgia. This happened to be one of them. I was flying down this road when suddenly the herd of deer jumps out in front of me. Not like 2-3, I’m talking like 7-8 deer. I try to swerve but still end up hitting one with the front bumper of my car. As anyone who has ever hit a deer with your car knows, it can be pretty intense. In my head, I was trying to process what just happened. I knew I needed to stop and check on the deer that I just hit; however, right when I’m ABOUT to hit the brakes I hear an insanely loud CRASH right next to my ear. So I turn my head and find myself looking eye to eye with another deer that had just rammed its head straight into my driver’s side window. This thing instantly died on impact. I’m just kind of in a state of shock because not only is the deer’s mutilated head in pretty much right next to my face spewing blood over all me and the car, but it’s neck broke and the rest of the body is repeatingly slamming into the side of car over and over due to the fact that I’m still speeding down this road. It all happened in a split second, so I try to compose myself and bring the car to a safe stop. Again, I’m about to hit the brakes when another deer jumps out, hits the front bumper, bounces off the car hood, and crashes through my front windshield and kind of pins me against the seat. Immediately, I slam on brakes and run off the side of the road.

So I’m just sitting there for a moment covered in blood & glass and surrounded by deer corpses. So I try to stumble out of the driver’s side door, but face to face deer’s lower body has been pinned under the car with its head still jammed in my window, so the door won’t open. I kind of skootch myself in between the center console and the bloody corpse that’s pinning me against the seat. Eventually I get close enough to the passenger side door that I just open it and kind of fall out with the deer on top of me. This is before most teenagers had cell phones, so I start to walk and look for a house that I can ask to use their phone. I passed two houses a little ways back, so those are kind of my only options. I knock on the first door a man answers sees me and immediately slams the door in my face and tells me to get off of his property. “Geez”, I think to myself “what a jerk”. 

So I walk to the next house and ring the doorbell. Since it’s getting close to midnight, I can tell I woke them up. Suddenly, I remember that I’m covered head to toe in blood so in an effort to reduce my serial killer vibe I take off my shirt. Probably not the smartest idea. Right when the elderly lady opens the door, I’m in the middle of deshirting, so it looks like I’m wearing some crazy blood mask. She screams and again slams the door in my face. I’m thinking that the police will be called soon so I just sit down and wait, but they never come. So about twenty minutes later, I bang on the second door again and try to explain to the lady what happened and why I look like a mass murderer standing on her doorstep. I’m begging this woman through her door to use her phone. Finally, she cracks the door and throws a corded phone hand piece at me and slams it back. She says she will dial a number for me from inside her house. So I’m standing on some stranger’s front porch, trying to yell a telephone number through her front door. Of course, she dials the wrong number and some stranger picks up. I figured I would just tell this stranger to call the police and have them come to this ladies house, but they need an address. When I ask the lady for her address, she throws open the door and jerks the phone back from me. I hear it lock and she screams at me to go away. Crap. 

I decide to walk back to the first house and knock again. The man opens the door and I just beg to use his phone, so he hands me a cordless phone (Thank God) and makes me stand on the porch (again with the door closed). I have no idea why, but even though I’m physically holding a phone in my hand, I have this idea that I need to find someone with a cell phone to call my house and talk to my dad. It was like when you look everywhere for your glasses only to find they are on your face. So I call the first people I can think of that I know have a cell phone (my crush’s parents). They show up in the middle of the night and were so kind to not point out that I had just called them on the phone to ask them to drive to meet me so I could borrow their phone. Hahaha. So I finally get ahold of my dad who asks if the car will still run. I answer yes, so he just says “Ok, throw all the deer in the trunk and drive home.” I am able to pry that one deer from under the car door and get it and the front windshield deer both into the trunk. (I couldn’t find the first one I hit). When I finally arrive home in the busted up car, my dad tells me to grab some coolers and we spend the rest of the night skinning the deer and icing the meat.

The next day I have the brightest idea (remember I was an idiot). I thought “I’m gonna make my crush a gift from those dead deer.” So, I go into our chicken yard, rummage through the gut/skin pile, find the tails, and cut them off with my pocket knife. I’m sitting on the porch with these two deer tails thinking what would be a romantic gift, when suddenly it hits me! I get a bucket, thread some string through the tails, tie them onto said bucket and “voila” I made a piggy bank! “She’s going to love this!” I thought to myself.  I delivered the bank and thought I was a pretty smooth operator until a few days later, when I find out that I stunk up their entire house with my now rotten meat, deer tail bank. 

Be Blessed,

Seth

Friday Fun Facts 8/12/16

- Olive has become quite the fashionista. So lately as a consequence due to bad behavior, I make her wear denim shorts. It's remarkably effective while simultaneously hilarious.

- Titus found some an old x-ray of my back and thinks it is some form of art.

- For the last two days my pee has smelled exactly like boiled peanuts. Most responsible adults would search Web MD for a cause. I found myself googling "Cajun Boiled Peanut Recipes". 

- Neela has not only thought of her Halloween costume for this year, but made it as well. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you my 7 year old's original costume idea.

"Cardboard Box Human"

- Before bedtime each night, Stevie started the traditional of having one minute of hyper time to help get everyone’s energy out. She calls it “Jolly Fun Time” 

- Many of you have seen this but it's too good not to share again... We were at a "Finding Dory" birthday party a few weekends ago. When got together for a family picture, I told everyone to act like a fish. Titus is still working on his fish impression apparently.

- The other day, I took my kids to work with me after school for a few hours. While they were up there, they invented a new game for us to play this weekend. It's called "Good Worm, Bad Worm". From what I can gather, here is the game in a nutshell: There are two boxes. One contains gummy worms, the other an earth worms. The boxes are shuffled before each participant begins. When it's your turn, you point to a box and eat its contents. Delightful.

- Stevie is convinced this is me.

- Neela “accidentally” left her shoes at our friends house the other day so we could wear her frog hunting boots to school.

Olive asked if she could make me dinner a few nights ago. The menu included: uncooked turkey bacon, a jalapeno, crushed ice, a hot dog bun with grape jelly, and milk 

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Seth

Q&A with the Megow kids

School is starting up this week. This time of year, I always see those little questionnaire's pop up on Facebook. You know the ones about "Favorite Book? Favorite Food?" So I thought it would be fun to do one with my kids.

I recorded and typed their responses verbatim. Enjoy!

What do you want to learn about this year in school?

Stevie: “Math and how to draw shadows.”

Neela: “Science, ‘aminals’, and fun celebrations. Birthday parties are my favorite school days. The other days are boring unless I learn about nature.”

Titus: “How to wear black clothes and sneak.”

Olive: “What’s in my belly button?” (lifts up shirt)

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Stevie: “A person who draws pictures of things and sends them to people to make toys out of my drawings. I think that will be fun.”

Neela:  “A rescue zoologist who lives in a tent in Africa.”

Titus: “A real hero spy”

Olive: “Feed old people”

What are you the most good at?

Stevie: “Dragon Art.”

Neela:  “Playing Dead.”

Titus: “Doing this.” (rapidly opens and closes his mouth)

Olive: “Hockey and Duck Duck Goose” (dad note: she has never seen a hockey puck or stick)

What is your secret talent?

Stevie: “Climbing Doors.”

Neela:  “Eating my hand” (makes a fist and stick it in her mouth)

Titus: “Eating Champion. See?” (pokes out belly)

Olive: “Marrying Titus. I love him and he’s my best friend.”

What is your favorite animal and why?

Stevie: “Seal. They are the cutest.”

Neela:  “Peregrine Falcon. They are the fastest flying bird. Or an Octopus. They have three hearts. ”

Titus: “Fox. They are sneaky and no one knows what they say.”

Olive: “Horse. They have the prettiest hair.”

What makes you the most happy?

Stevie: “Family time, alone time with daddy, and pranking people.”

Neela:  “Chasing my butt. I need a tail.”

Titus: “Soup.”

Olive: “Getting new sisters. I need more sisters.”

Favorite Food? Least Favorite Food?

Stevie: “I like pizza. I don’t like Skittles, Caramel, and Soda.”

Neela:  “Edamame is delicious. Tuna is gross. It smells like my pillow.”

Titus: “Ba-sketti!!!! (spaghetti) and nothing. I like every food. I love to eat all my plate… Wait, I hate carrots.”

Olive: “Daddy, I like chicken nuggets. They are yummy. I don’t like ants. They bite me.”

Dad- “No Olive, what food don’t you like to eat?”

Olive- “I like chicken nuggets”

Dad- “Ok. What food is gross?”

Olive- Daddy, I want earrings.” (while picking and eating a booger).

If you had a million dollars what would you buy?

Stevie: “Food. I won’t go to starvation.”

Neela:  “4009 puppies”

Titus: “Hot Lava and a robot shark.”

Olive: “Elsa’s head.”

Where do babies come from?

Stevie: “Digestion.”

Neela:  “Dogs carry them to parents.”

Titus: “You poop them out. Blood comes out of your butt. I’m glad boy butts don’t poop blood and babies.”

Olive: “Eating Flowers.”

If you invented something, what would it be?

Stevie: “A Diamond Dragon that makes chocolate.”

Neela:  “Vep.  I just invented that. Vep! (laughs hysterically) That’s a hilarious name for a dinosaur. I’m hilarious dad!! Wait, why aren’t you laughing? I said Vep. Did you hear it?”

Titus: “Gadgets. They are a secret in my brain. I can’t tell you or you will invent them first.”

Olive: “Babies. I want to invent a baby. And this..” (holds up an apple)

What is the funniest thing in the whole wide world?

Stevie: “When Neela farts.”

Neela:  “She’s right. When I fart. It’s loud.”

Titus: “Pee, poop, toilet, tiny toilets, blue toilets, hair on the floor.”

Olive: “Daddy makes funny faces”

What is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?

Stevie: “Neela was growling and Titus was being karate. Then I got a piece of paper to draw with. Titus said, I like your picture.”

Neela:  “We are going to get ice cream.”

Titus: “I prayed for your dead cat.”

Olive: “When you said ‘Do you want to watch Paw Patrol?’ That was being a nice daddy.”

If you had super powers what would they be?

Stevie: “Have dragon scales”

Neela:  (starts crowing like a bird and lets neck hang limp)

Titus: (laughing too hard at Neela to answer)

Olive: “Fat cats. Be fat cats.”

What is the greatest part about being you?

Stevie: “Losing my teeth. I’ve lost so many teeth.”

Neela:  “Frog hunting and hairy legs. I look like a chinchilla.”

Titus: “My family and feeding sharks at bedtime.”

Olive: “Wearing dresses and being beautiful like Minnie.”

If you could make one rule, what would it be?

Stevie: “I’m in charge.”

Neela:  “Everyone pees in litter boxes.”

Titus: “Be kind to family.”

Olive: “Don’t scream in the hallway. Don’t wake up my baby. I sing my night night song.” (starts singing the Mr. Rogers song ‘It’s you I like’.)

Whats the worst part about being a grown up?

Stevie: “You work on computers instead of play games. Plus you have to plan all of the surprises. I like getting surprised instead of planning them.”

Neela:  “Not eating treats. Just kidding, not eating my foot. For real, did you know grownups aren’t allowed to eat their feet.” (tries to stick foot in mouth) “My feet stink…. Delicious.”

Titus: “Grown-ups don’t eat snacks. I like candy the most.”

Olive: “Eat. Sleep. Die.”

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Seth

Late Summer Nuggets

-We went to the beach. PS. I peed in the ocean every day. Ahhhhhh. Refreshing :)

  

We caught like a million hermit crabs, a starfish, blue crabs, and saw a sting ray.

 -Neela and Titus both had mini birthday parties at the beach condo

Two separate parties and reused decorations ;)

 - Titus learned to swim with no floaties. He’s ultra proud of this. So am I :)

 -Olive’s current favorite toy is a calculator. She’s been playing with this thing almost daily for two months.

- I learned the only thing worse than having diarrhea in July in a portapotty is having diarrhea in a portapotty in July in a portapotty with no toilet paper.

-Stevie’s big teeth grew in. She’s growing up so fast.

-The following conversation occurred on a ride home from work/daycare

Titus: I don’t want to grow up. I want to be a kid forever

Seth: Why buddy?

Titus: When you are grown up, you are old and you are about to die.

Seth: (laughing) Do you think I’m old?

Stevie: Yes. You are 32. That means you are an old man.

Seth: (still laughing) Stevie. I’m only 31.

Stevie: Oh Sorry. You are almost old.

Neela: Dad, can we have my birthday party before you turn 32?.... Just in case…

- We have a new(ish) cat. Neela rescued her from the woods a month or two ago at my parents’ house in Alabama. The kids have taken great care of her. Actually, they have already thrown her two parties. One of them was a small affair with presents and snacks, however, the other one they made invitations and passed them out door to door in the neighborhood. Stevie made up games and activities. Neela and Titus made cat masks for all of the party attendees. They actually had like 7-8 kids come over for the party. It was super cute.

-Titus is dead set on getting a pair of Hearing Aids for his birthday. I tried to explain that he has perfect hearing and does not need them, but this only increases his desire to have them. He believes they will give him a “hearing superpower”. Also, he can “turn them off when he doesn’t want to hear his sisters”. He’s dead serious. He wants hearing aids and a snow cone maker. Haha

- Sometimes my kids come to work with me. They have their little space they hang out in that is the room right next to mine. For the most part, they are extremely self-sufficient. However, occasionally there is a disagreement or something. So I said up a little chat window so we can talk without me having to walk away from my desk if I’m on the phone or something. It’s supposed to be for emergencies, this is our chat from the last time they were at work.

I still have no clue where they got cheese from at work.

-Speaking of work, the kids found some old poster boards that I was about to throw away & made a sweet fort out of some duct tape I had in my office. They even colored it and gave it a sunroof 

-Stevie still makes me lay with her and sing Goodnight God before bed. Every night. :)

- Olive is convinced that she has a baby in her belly. I told her that you have to be married and grown up before you can have a baby. Her response “I ate a flower. Now I’m growing a baby. I’m naming her Flower.” Fun Fact: Apparently, her baby’s favorite song is “I Love Rock and Roll” by Joan Jett. She insists that I play it constantly J

- Titus is really into the color baby blue lately. Most of his outfits resemble something like this.

- I surprised Stevie with a new remote so we can play Zelda together again. This is her favorite time together. She always picks this activity for her “alone time with Dad”. Normally, we sit together and I play while she keeps a journal full of notes and drawings about the game. It’s one of my favorite things in the entire world.

- We are having our first campout for Neela’s real birthday party.  We are making smores, frog hunting, tell stories, and sleeping in our tent in our back yard. I’m super excited because for her birthday, she wants a “kid frog hunting” kit. Last year, she wanted an animal finder kit. So for this year’s kit, I’m getting Neela her own net, some nice boots, and a head mounted flashlight.

She's getting so good at catching the big ones!

- My dad bod kinda snuck up on me. They are trendy now right? ;)

- We had Christmas in July with some friends.

 - Titus figured out to snap. Stevie learned how to make realistic fart noises.

- I found my brother Graham’s twin in Iowa.

Graham is on the left.

 - I’ve adopted a new method of mopping my floor.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Seth

Summer Vacation (A Kid’s Perspective)

Guest Author: 10 Year Old Seth

The “old man Seth” asked me to write about the beach for his blog because he wanted a kid’s perspective. I said “what the heck is a blog? It sounds like what I would call a wet, squishy log I found in the woods.” At first I said no because it sounded boring. Also, I told old man Seth to get some better hobbies than playing with squishy logs. He said he would do my homework for me. That made me says “yes.” Speaking of homework, here’s a secret… when you get to 4^th grade you have to take Penmanship so you can write good. I’m supposed to do 2 pages a nigh in my Penmanship book. I’m about to done with this school year and I haven’t even opened the book and done one page yet. I’m supposed to turn in the finished book next week. So yesterday I just threw it in the pond. I’m going to tell my teacher asks for us to turn in our handwriting books, I’m just going to sneak out to the bathroom and hope for the best. Ok. Let’s get started.

_____________________________________

Going to the beach is my second favorite thing in the world. Christmas is first. Duh.

I’m really hoping for….

Please God. Let me get a Talk Boy for Christmas.

Here's the reasons why I like the beach.

1) Big Waves. I get to boogie board and body surf big waves. That’s probably what I the most about the beach. Last year, my dad let me go to the sand bar all by myself. The sandbar is neat because the water is only up to your knees but the waves are ginormous. The worst part about liking big waves and the sand bar is you have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn for high tide. On vacation, it’s the worst waking up earlier than you do for school, but it’s worth it once you get to the beach.

2) Speaking of waves, I always save my morning bathroom visit so I can pee in the ocean. I don’t like peeing through my swimsuit, so I just go deep in the ocean where no one can see and pee like regular. Sometimes I get worried that a shark will bite my wiener off, but I do it anyways.

Shark Snack

3) The ocean water and the pool shower count as being cleaning, so I don’t have to take a shower or bath. I know the ocean is full of fish pee (and my pee) but I still feel so clean after swimming in it. I love the feeling with all of the ocean water dries on your skin and you stretch and it feels like you are ripping off a layer of exoskeleton or something.

4) Cable. We don’t have cable tv at our house. It’s neat to have it at the beach. My favorite show is the incredible hulk from a long time ago. But, having cable is kind of bad too. I am convinced my dad calls the tv station to get the date of “Shark Week” and books our beach vacation the same week just to freak us out. I promise every time I look at the tv, I see some video of a shark ripping some guys arm. That’s exactly what I like to see immediately before jumping in the ocean.

Dad – “Look at that monster. It just ripped that surfer guy in half. Ok, have fun in the ocean!”

5) Food. I get to eat sandwiches and chocolate milk like every day for lunch. Plus, my mom always does a big seafood night. I eat some many shrimp my fingers start to cramp from unshelling them. Also, my mom makes cakes sometimes. Last year she made my favorite cake. The next day, I walked in the kitchen and she was making another one! I was about to eat it, but she said it was for our friends that we go on vacation with. Their condo was next door. She asked me to take it to them, so I put the cake on a nice plate and walked out the front door. But right when I got out, I snuck into that little storage room that’s always outside of condos (to keep boogie boards, sand toys, and stuff in). You know the one with all of the cobwebs in it.

Oh hello spiders, don’t mind me. I’m just enjoying some cake.

I shut the door and sat in there and ate the entire cake except for one slice. I used a pool towel to clean off the plate and took it to our friends. I handed it to my friends’ mom and said “My mom made a cake and wanted you to have some.” She said, “Well, isn’t that so sweet. Thank you for bringing it over!” Hahahahahahaha!!!! The world will never know. PS. Old Seth said this would be on the internet, so I should be careful what I say. But I’ve never even heard of the” internet”, so I think he’s just being a big doofus. Seriously, someone tell me when I grow up to get a hobby or something.

6) The car ride. My brothers and sister hate the car ride, but I like it. I’m smart and get in the car WAY early and get the best seat in the van. Me and my brother play the wave game and alphabet game. I like the wave game the most. Here’s how you play that game.

Wave game rules: You wave people in other cars. If they wave back, you get a point. A person can only be counted as one point and they can’t be used again (even by another person). If they are two lanes away, you get 2 points. Here’s where it gets fun. If someone waves to you before you wave at them, you get double points. Normally, I just stare at grownups in other cars on the interstate. I used to make funny faces but that never got a wave, they just laughed.

So now I just make this face at everyone in other cars...

 I'm guessing it normally goes like this in the other car. 

“There’s a kid in the van next us being super weird.”

“Just acknowledge you see him and maybe he’ll stop.”

“How should I do that?”

“I don’t know. Just wave or something”

BOOM!!! Double Points!

7) The Sauna. It’s supposed to be for grown-ups, but we go in anyways. Mostly, me and best friend Luke go together (His family goes on vacation the same time as us every year. They are the people who I ate their cake). Anyways, he’s really good at staying in there for a long time. There are these rocks you pour hot water on and it makes steam.  I get so hot and feel like I’m about to faint, but we just keep making it hotter and hotter. Finally, when we can’t take anymore, we sprint out of the sauna and jump into the ice cold pool. It feels so amazing! Plus, there’s this old guy that just lives in the condo place we go to. We talk to him every year. He’s super-duper old. I think his name Frank. He says that he never gets sick because he just “sweats all out in the hot box”. When I’m old, I’m just going to live at the beach and sit in the “hot box” instead of going to the doctor. I don’t really like the doctor anymore. I’m too old for the doctor to let me pick out of the treasure box. But I still ask if I can. They have these cool parachute army guys in there that I like to launch out of my window. Whenever I ask for the treasure box, the doctor looks at me the way adults look at teenagers who show up on their doorstep for trick or treat.

"Typically, I don’t hand out my candy to people with Learner’s Permits.”

So I can just skip all of those doctor appointments if I live somewhere with a sauna. I mean Frank is old as crap and he’s still alive. He must be onto something.

____________________________

So that’s why I like the beach. Old man Seth is here to do my math homework. PS. He also told me how to get out of my penmanship book situation. He said the teacher won’t even care that about my penmanship book being at the bottom of the pond if I play my cards right. All I need to do is write her a funny poem (in really good cursive) and tape it to a carton of fresh eggs that I need to sneak out of the house. He said it worked for him. So I’ll probably give it a try.

Fun Fact - If you fart in a jar and seal it up quick, it will stay for smelly for a while. But it’s funner to go outside and light your farts on fire with a match.

Signed,
Robert Seth Megow, Age 10

A Summer's Night Dream

 Summer is pretty hot in South Georgia. Instead of listing off little facts or tidbits about we handle the heat, I decided to just type up a little story can hopefully provide a visual representation on how I view this time of year.

______________________________________

So imagine you are 7 years old and its blazing hot outside. You could be swimming in the ditch by your house, but today is family portraits. Your parents have had these pictures scheduled for months, so they are going to happen today whether you like it or not. As more and more family start to arrive, you glance down at your Ninja Turtles watch only to see it’s 3pm; the perfect time of day for the air to have the exact blend of moisture and fire that drains every ounce of life out of you. You instantly regret eating that Hot Pocket for lunch. Finally, you convince everyone it’s as hot as Nacho Libre’s bathroom stall outside and they finally cave in and move the pictures inside.

 To make matters worse, you forgot that your mom had this brilliant idea to use these photos as this year’s upcoming Christmas cards. You are forced to wear that wool sweater your grandma hand knitted you for Christmas 1992. You become light headed from the overwhelming heat escaping from the knit turtleneck of the sweater, but you refuse to faint from heat exhaustion like your fancy pants cousin, Jeremy, just did.

Ugh.... Jeremy

Suddenly, you see a central A/C vent on the floor under the fake Christmas tree propped up for the photo shoot. You dove and claimed the coveted AC floor vent, but needless to say there was no air coming through that brown colored, slotted mobile home hole in the floor. 

Sweet Jesus, what a sight.

Of course, as a child touching the A/C thermometer was pretty much viewed as the equivalent of taking the family station wagon for a joy ride to Dairy Queen.  In your heart of hearts you prayed for an adult to turn on the air. Your prayers turn to desperation as your granddad looks down lovingly and says “Hey buddy. I know how to turn that frown upside town…” He then proceeds to reach down and plug in the giant 1980’s rainbow colored Christmas tree lights you are sitting directly underneath. You start to wonder if the 20 watt blue, green, and red bulb heat radiating directly onto your neck is worth it. Out of nowhere it happens!! Your Great Aunt Gloria slowly stands up and walks to the thermometer. You wonder if you should offer your spot to your cousin who is still passed out on the navy blue carpet. Even though that kid is wearing a super sweet Space Jam tank top and still passed out, your family bond of togetherness eats at your soul.

You know that thing is breathable. It has freaking MJ on it!!

So you begin to get on your feet. Right before you walk over and tug on his braided rat tail to give him the floor vent spot, the heavens part. Your grandma offers him some Kool-Aid and a bowl of lime Jell-O. He sits up. Praise Jesus, you can keep your jackpot air conditioned spot. About this time, Aunt Gloria is working that central a/c control like a freaking champ. You see her crank that little plastic switch all the way.  You smile. I mean you smile big, like “your teacher wheeling in that giant tv on wheels into your class” smile. You blissfully settle the vent directly between your soaked Levi’s jeans and just wait for that glorious cool rush to blow up between your skin and your soaking wet Santa sweater.  Suddenly, it hits you. This is Great Aunt Gloria we are talking about. She’s the family member that makes you sleep in her “doll room” when you spend the night.

"Don't touch my leftover biscuits from Red Lobster in the fridge."

 Deep in your soul you know it’s about to happen… and then it does. Hot air barrels up out of the vents and starts to seep its way into your fiber of your clothes. You look in shock at this woman in complete befuddlement and simply ask what would possess her to do this. “Phil Donaue says sweating is good for my skin, so I’m tryna exfoliate pictures. Plus, he says children should know their place,” she answers snidely before she flips her hair and sips her Long Island Iced Tea.

He couldn't say it on TV, if it weren't not the truth.

You attempt to remove your sweater from over the vent and walk to the other side of the room. Maybe your cousin has some of the lime Jell-O left you can eat or at least lick the cold bowl to cool the inferno building up within your body. Of course by this point, your muscle memory has completely faded and instead of simply adjusting your sweater, you accidently fall sideways and knock over the tree in the process. Apparently during all of this you were so caught up with the personal literal brush with the heat of the sun that you failed to notice that everyone else was smiling the pictures had started. Considering the fact that your granddad forgot to buy more film and all he had left was two more photos to spare from their “Carnival Cruise to the Bahamas” roll of film. Everyone is fuming mad at you for ruining their picture by knocking down the tree. Your dad leans over and says “I’m about to head to Camera America to get this thing developed. If there isn’t a usable picture on this roll and your mother makes us do this brain dead Christmas in July photo shoot again, may God have mercy on your soul.”

You sit down next to your grandma who offers you some Kool-Aid and gives one of those strawberry candies that you have never seen actually sold in a store, but she always has them.

I can't wait until I have grandkids, so I can start setting out these bad boys

You start to feel a little better until you hear your dad’s truck door slam and speed down the dirt road on his way to town. You sit quietly with your grandma watching Super Market sweep for the next hour or two until you hear your uncle’s dogs start to bark. You know it’s about to be the time for reckoning. You clench your sweaty palms tight as you hear him yelling through the shut door, “Ok everyone! We’re going to have to do another photo shoot. You know its coming. This is the moment your short life ends. You look nervously at door handle turning and your dad walking in. He silently hands you the roll of film and simply says “Look.”  All of the pictures towards the front are what you expected, just a bunch of pictures of the cruise ship, folded towels, and a luau they went to on a beach.

"Mam, I'm sorry to tell you but we just ran out of shrimp."

There are only two pictures left. Your hands start to shake; you feel everyone in the entire room shooting daggers at you with their eyes. Quick and painless to tell yourself… So you just grab the last two pictures, close your eyes, and hold them both up straight in front of your face. At this your dad immediately busts out laughing. Beyond confused, you slowly release your sealed shut eyes to a slight squint. It turns out your grandparents didn’t have any extra pictures left on that roll in the first place. So there was literally not one picture taken of the Christmas tree debacle.  Apparently your grandparents got drunk off of frozen daiquiris during the cruise and your grandma convinced your grandad to enter a wet t-shirt contest.  Everyone immediately just looks at them and dies laughing. Of course, your granddad denies it; however, the evidence is irrefutable. At this very moment, he is wearing a fanny pack that says “Tell your Mommas, I’ve got the best jugs in the Bahamas.”  

So in the end, you and your family had such a big laugh and so much fun that you forgot about the crazy heat that caused all of this once in a lifetime scenario.

_______________________________

That’s my opinion on South Georgia Summer heat. It’s grueling and most of the time unbearable, but a large majority of my best memories were made with my siblings or best buds, just running around the in woods making forts,playing in the swimming pool, or showing my kids how to cool off by burying themselves in the giant sand pile at the park across the street. It’s just good ole’ fashioned fun in the sun.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,

Seth