Sunday, September 6, 2015

"Online vs Reality"

Subtitle: “Online - Healthy Living, Clean House, and Happy Children” vs “Reality - Drinking Bug Juices while sitting on a pile of clean laundry I have yet to fold while fighting over who has to scrub up the jelly that they spilled while making their own jelly sandwiches on white bread.”

So in case you don’t know, my online persona (as well as every single persons’ on the planet) is not the same as real life. Seriously, I think about all of the back stories behind cute family pictures “THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SMILE OR SO HELP ME GOD YOU WILL EAT BROCCOLI FOR EVERY MEAL OF YOUR LIFE!!!” Or there’s what I like to call the “Zoom out” or the “3 minutes later”. Our society are masters of cropping and perspective. I might think “Let me post this little cute picture of the healthy meal I made for my kids. People would be really impressed by this or think I’m rocking this single dad thing”. Honestly, we are all guilty of it. Let’s break down the full story of this picture that I uploaded recently to Instagram… 

To me this is a pretty legit little dinner. Veggies, fruit, and little cute chicken nuggets. I was so proud to post this; however in my head, I pretty much called the outcome before I even laid the trays down. I remember this night pretty vividly so here’s a rough timeline

5:45pm: I made this super fun and somewhat healthy kids dinner.

5:47pm: I took a picture and put it online, feeling like a boss at dinner.

5:49pm: Stevie immediately screamed at the sight of her tray and hid under the table.

5:50pm: While attempting to pry Stevie from under the table, Neela started singing the “God is great, God is good, Let us thank Him for our food” blessing song.

5:51pm: Titus gets mad and pitches a fit because his favorite blessing is “God our Father, we give thanks…”  That night Titus and Neela pretty much start screaming over each other to say their own blessing louder. In true “let’s thank Jesus for our blessings style” Neela pushes Titus out of his chair, then finishes up her blessing.

5:54pm: I finally get Stevie out from under the table.

5:56pm: Titus finally stops crying, so I start to make drinks for everyone.

5:58pm: I look over and Olive has completely dumped her entire tray with all of her untouched food in the trashcan and is currently on the countertop eating preztels.

6:02pm: I start to make something else for Olive to eat, only to her Neela SCREAMING. Apparently, Titus told her the chicken nuggets were some kind of vegetable. So she took a bite of the chicken nuggets and immediately FLIPPED out. (Side note: that was pretty genius revenge on Neela for being pushed out of his chair)

6:04pm: I just kind of yell for everyone to sit down and EAT THEIR FOOD! (while cooking Olive more edamame beans)

6:08pm: Everyone is crying because either
1)      They hate the food
2)      I yelled
3)      Olive just put her dirty fork in their drink

6:10pm: I physically sort out the food they each HAVE to eat.

6:17pm: I try to make myself something to eat (more edamame beans and pineapple rings) while listening to the screams of what sounds like kids being dragged over hot coals while wearing pants made of fire. Really, the pineapple looks “wet”.

6:21pm: I finally approve of all of the amount food that everyone has eaten.  So I turn around to get my food and come back to the table to sit down to find an Titus literally cracking eggs on the bare table top because “I’m going to make some brownies”.

6:24pm: I just give up on my dinner and start baths.

So yeah, no one is a pro all the time. I don’t care what anyone says, no one feeds their kids the perfect food, keeps the cleanest house, keeps their kids constantly engaged with educational and physically challenging activities, and assures everyone that their kids are always well behaved and polite.
If you know someone that actually claims that then they are a liar and in reality, their breath probably smells like cheese.

So, don't judge yourself by other people's standards. Do your best and love your kids. Some spaghettios every one in while won't kill your kids; however, good luck getting that orange stain out of your plastic bowls ;)



  1. Oh my! Now that is reality! Love this post and anyone with kids who is honest has been there and done that!

  2. Seth, you are doing an amazing job! We have 4 children as well... Currently 12,11,10,&9. Yes 4 kids in 36 months! I can remember the music to Wheel of future at night sounding like angels singing! That always ment kids were in the bed! Yes kids in bed by 7! I love reading your REAL LIFE STORIES! - AMBER LODGE